Devil Touch - Chapter Four

by SushiSashimi333

Published August 29, 2013

12+ Language

In Devil Touch

Bile rose in Cerys' throat as the pounding in the back of her head intensified. It was a good thing that she couldn't see any light, the brightness would only make it worse. The black expanse before her seemed to spin before her closed eyes yet wide open eyes. As the spinning got worse and light started to shine through the pounding slowly ebbed away, which was strange considering spinning and light should only have made matters worse.

As the throbbing slowly faded into nothing, the light and color grew more defined until together they formed a scene. A girl about her age was smiling, her long silver hair blowing in the wind. She was beautiful, in the sense that she made even Cerys want to smile.

The girl standing next to her had the exact same face but she wasn't quite as beautiful. It looked like she wore a permanent scowl on her face, her eyebrows cursed to be turned down for the rest of her life. She gave off a deadly air that made the people around her uncomfortable.

Just as Cerys was about to get a closer look at the two girls, the image faded. Her eyes fluttered open to see the black night sky, speckled with numerous little stars. The pounding in her head was back, causing her to expel the bile in her throat. It was a good thing she hadn't eaten.

Looking around Cerys' eyes widened in surprise. It wasn't the fact that dead villagers surrounded her, instead it was that the girl in her vision was there too. She looked just the same as in her vision. Her hair was short and spiky, her face grim and serious, even when unconscious. Bandages covered her otherwise bare feet and loose clothing concealed her femininity, though she was still easy to pick out in a crowd.

Heaving herself to a standing position, Cerys stumbled over to the girl, her feet like led. Bending down Cerys saw just how pale the girl's skin was. It was whiter than ash which made the dark circles lining her eyes to stand out. Stretching her hand to the girl's neck, Cerys found a faint pulse, slowly getting faster. Just as a precaution she opened the girl's mouth and had her palm hover over. The girl was breathing. Cerys considered waking her up, but judging by the looks of her pale skin and thin limbs, she could use all the rest she could get, and Cerys wasn't quite ready to talk to anyone. Not yet anyways.

Lowering herself closer to the ground, glad to give her shaky legs a rest, Cerys waited for the girl to wake up. After about fifteen minutes of waiting Cerys started to get restless. She wanted to know what this girl was doing here, why she bothered helping her, who she was, and why she was unconscious. There were so many questions she wanted to ask that she just couldn't wait. Her eyes darting from place to place, Cerys spied something in the priest's pocket who lay next to the girl. Reaching for it she found that it was a book, more specifically his guide to Touch and other folklore.

Why not? Cerys asked herself before opening the little leather bound book. She had nothing better to do, so why not catch up a little bit on her "studies"?

Opening the book, she found a swarm of tiny letters and intricate pictures helping to explain the words. Flipping through and skimming through the pictures, she saw that all were in black ink but one. Instead of just black, fiery reds and shiny silvers covered the page.

Squinting so hard her eyes were almost closed, she could just make out the words "Four Children" at the top of the page in thin, looping cursive. Below were four pictures. The first one depicted a girl with shining red hair and fire swirling around her body. Looking closer Cerys realized that even her eyes were colored a deep shade of red. Like blood.

Moving on to the next picture, Cerys saw a young man, a little older than she. He had a strong build and a stubborn look about his face that kind of dared you to second guess him. His hair was brown and he was covered with dirt, like he had been rolling in it all day.

The third picture was of a girl with spiky silver hair and harsh eyes that seemed to look through your very soul. Looking up she saw that the picture matched her vision and the girl lying before her. Just what was she then? The answer lie within the book she was holding.

*Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi**Sushi*

Marya rubbed her head and squinted her eyes, trying to make out the fuzzy images before her. She never liked waking up, especially after just fainting because what followed was never good. She sat there for a while before getting to her feet, wanting to make sure that she didn't fall once she got up.

"So you finally woke up?" A voice inquired.

Now this did cause Marya to fall back to her seat. Just a foot away from her sat the girl with black hair, a small leather bound book in her hands, and barely concealed curiosity in her eyes. How could she not have noticed? Marya shook her head, mentally scolding herself for letting her guard down. As punishment she would do twelve hours reflection later.

"And what's that to you, little girl?" She spat back.

When the girl's expression didn't change Marya's eyes shifted to the little leather book in her hands. Most people found it strange when she called someone that appeared to be her age "girl" or "boy". There must have been some reason the girl wasn't even phased, and Marya was willing to bet that the answer was in that book.

With a quick flick of her finger, Marya called up a mini whirlwind to bring the little leather bound book right into her hands. The page she was on had the most beautiful illustrations of four people, one of them being her.

Looking closer she saw just how accurate the drawings were. Well at least the one of her was spot on. The other three she had never before met in her life, so she couldn't really tell how accurate the picture was for them.

Looking a little higher to read the tiny cursive, she skimmed through several lines just to see what the book had to say.

"The Four Children each carry the blessing of a higher being allowing them to control the elements. Their immortality is only the result being bathed in the Purple Moon's special rays. The names of each Elemental is as follows..."

"What in Orbis? What kind of nonsensical shit is this?"

"Just the mortals' explanation for your supernatural abilities." The voice in her head replied.

"Sanna." Marya said with a warning tone.

"Umm, my name's Cerys?" Cerys replied in an unsure tone. Marya rolled her eyes. This was gonna take some time to explain.

"I shall explain if you would like." Sanna volunteered. Quickly Marya thought his proposition through in her head. Slowly she nodded and closed her eyes.

When she opened them, she was once again in the Celestial realm. Now all she had to do was wait.

Comments & reviews · 4
User avatar
Sins
Review
Sins wrote a review Review · Sep 3, 2013

Hey Sushi, here I am as requested! Sorry I've taken a little while, I've been busy lately with starting back at college, but I've finally managed to find myself some free time. :)

Anyways, this was an interesting chapter. A little short (but then I'm the kind of person who writes 3000 word chapters, so I may be somewhat biased), but an overall good one, methinks. I like that Marya and Cerys have finally met, and I really think that now is when the action and true adventure will start kicking in. I'm intrigued to find out what kind of relationship Cerys and Marya have, whether it will be a good one or a bad, and I think they could potentially be a really good pair of characters when put together. I really like Marya's character especially because she has a very amusing attitude, and I like how she's sort of like a kick ass female.

With regards to critiques, they all sort of revolve around Cerys, come to think of it. Something that especially bothered me a little in this chapter were her reactions to some things. The first reaction that bothered me was the way Cerys just left Marya unconscious. I mean, if I saw some random girl unconscious with a potentially dodgy pulse then I would try my best to get a response out of her. I'm not saying Cerys should, like, force her awake or anything, it just seems odd to me that she simply left her to wake up in her own time. She could have, liked, died or something. Plus you note how Cerys finds Marya really peculiar and note that she has loads of questions to ask her, but if she was that curious then surely she would have made more of an effort to wake her. I don't know, I guess I'm just trying to say that I found Cerys' reaction to Marya at first kind of odd.

Sticking with the subject of Cerys' reactions, I felt that she also acted kind of weird when Marya woke up. Well, not necessarily weird, but just out of character. Her reaction also contradicted her behaviour when the chapter was in her point of view, so to speak. We previously saw her be really interested in Marya, having loads of questions about her, being eager for her to wake up e.t.c. yet when Marya does actually wake up, Cerys just casually acknowledges her all suavely without looking up from the book. That just seemed really strange to me because moments ago, she was deeply intrigued by Marya. Do you see what I'm saying? This specific reaction of Cerys just seems kind of inconsistent and contradictory is all.

The last thing I want to bring up regarding Cerys is that while she has some nice characterisation, that's sort of it. Just nice. I can't help thinking that you could do so much more with her because right now, she doesn't really stand out as a special kind of character. She's nice enough to read about, but she's not especially interesting. She generally comes across as kind of timid and she has a tendency to fade into the background a bit. Now bear in mind that this is simply my impression of her. Maybe it's just me and maybe everyone else would 100% disagree and love her to death, but I do genuinely think that you could really make her pop some more. People are main characters for a reason, and I want to know what it is about Cerys that makes her so interesting she should be your main character (or one of your main characters anyway).

The ewy stuff aside, I did like this chapter overall. I'm tempted to suggest that you just merge it into the last one and make it one chapter because I think that could work well, but it's up to you in the end. With some tweaking of a few things, particularly regarding Cerys' character, I think you could really end up with something awesome here. :)

Keep writing,

xoxo Skins

Thank you so much for the review! I have to agree about Cerys. Personally I have a harder time writing as her because there aren't many people like her in movies, with split personalities and such. Some people say I have them, but I'm not quite aware XD. I shall definitely start to organize more with her personality, but that may take a while because of my other story with GriffinClaw and school and tennis O_O (too much stuff if you ask me XD) I shall try though! Thanks for the review again!

User avatar
OliveDreams
Review
OliveDreams wrote a review Review · Aug 31, 2013

Hi Sushi! Olive here as promised :) I will get to reviewing right away!

I loved this chapter – I think it gives us so much important information and no useless fillers.

“As the throbbing slowly faded into nothing, the light and color grew more defined until together they formed a scene.” - I love this line! What a wonderful way to describe it, Sushi!

You use Cerys' name a lot. I think sometimes it breaks up the flow of the actual storyline. May use a little more shes and hers.

“Collapsing to the ground, glad to give her shaky legs a rest, Cerys waited for the girl to wake up.” - The word collapsing seems a bit dramatic in this instance. Maybe you could use, 'Folding her legs beneath her, glad to give her shaky legs a rest, Cerys waited for the girl to wake up.”

ooh I wish we could have seen a bit more of Marya. It kind of stopped just as it was getting really good. I love her attitude. :)

LOVES!
Olive <3

Thank you so much for the feedback! I shall definitely change that one bit. I guess I did stop a little suddenly, but doesn't that just make you want to read chapter five? XD Thanks again!

User avatar
TinkerTwaggy
Review
TinkerTwaggy wrote a review Review · Aug 30, 2013

"What in Orbis? What kind of nonsensical shit is this?"
Now that was funny to read! I always wondered what a god-like figure would think of what a mere human being write about him/her. Seeing the actual reaction is very entertaining.

This was a bit short, but Marya is such an interesting character. As for Cerys, well, she's pretty much a lost little girl who doesn't know what's happening - and on top of that is considered as a demon by her surroundings -. She seem to accept her statue though.

Grammatically speaking, you're improving! didn't see too much mistakes or typos here.


The flow of the story is continuing smoothly too. More elements added to the story, such as this Celestial Realm mentioned by Marya, and the fact that she can actually switch her place with Sanna (reminds me of Yugioh's double spirit process :D).

Now waiting for the explanation. Keep on writting!

~Shell Master Tortwag~

Yeah. I was planning on explaining things in this chapter, but I was so lazy and this felt like it was really long and it didn't seem to fit. I shall try and explain things in the next chapter because all it seems I am good at doing is raising questions XD

So I guess I'm going to spread out the explaining even more O_O Ugh! What is wrong with me?

User avatar
mystogan
Comment
mystogan commented Comment · Aug 12, 2013

I am confused as to what is happening here. I feel like I have read this before. I feel like this is too short as well. Plus if this is a continuation of the previous I feel like it is going too slowly in that same moment, can you come and clarify what is going on here and then I will review it properly

Sorry, this one wasn't out yet. I don't why but it showed up despite it still being a work it process. Sorry :/

oh that is fine, tell me when you finish and I will get to it



One believes things because one has been conditioned to believe them.
— Aldous Huxley, Brave New World