Young Writers Society

Hi, I hope you don't mind if I review your poem, which by the way was excellent There was beautiful imagery, and the line: "much like life itself" made the subject of the poem very clear. Good job ! There were a few spelling errors, but I won't mention them as they were small enough not to take any meaning from the poem. There were a couple lines that needed tweaking, but the only one that kind of stood out at me was: “ with a Herculean wave to submerged one's head." It just didn't fit. I see how it goes with the previous verse of how the sand tickles one's feet but you don't exactly need match them up. Maybe change it to something along the lines of: with a Herculean wave,
to submerge one's hopes and dreams.
Other than that it was a great poem, and most people would be jealous of your obvious talent if they read this. I hope to read more of your work!

Hey there, this piece is really beautiful! It's so touching and I can really feel the emotion you put into it. I love the imagery and comparing a person to the sea is so lovely. For me, the poem really starts here: "Ultimately she folds herself in two halves" and everything before that can just be erased. I know it's not easy to just delete lines out of a poem but some weaker ones often weaken our stronger ones and so they have to go. I feel like your poem really picks up at the aforementioned line. Someone once told me not to write preambles in poetry, and the stuff before that line feels a little preamble-y I guess. Other than that, you just had a few little grammar mistakes. I won't point them out unless you'd like me to since I think you'd catch them with a fine toothed comb when you write your final draft. I really got into this piece so much that if I weren't writing this review and trying to find things to pick out, I wouldn't have even caught them because your tone and voice was just so captivating it was hard to focus on the iffy parts . You also had good subtle rhyme throughout. I don't like sing-songy poetry and this piece rhymed a bit without getting all Dr. Seuss. So good balance there! Keep up the great work

~Tiny

Hmm...

This poem as pretty good.

I want more description...

We first know about the sea, then the beach etc.

I like it, just maybe a little more. It's almost sorta dry, like it needs more to give it some life.

I would like to see this improve..

Thanks,

SW

Hello there sbitonti,

This poem was okay. It was neat, with a nice layout and it had good symbolism there. You tied together the beach and things about the beach really well. And it told a little bit of the story, about how something constantly pulled her close and kept pushing her away as well. And then in the end the ocean was all that cleared her mind - so it showed how they needed each other.

Nice and all.

Don't take this the wrong way, but personally I found the poem pretty simple and a bit cliché. Not something I would remember but something that I will enjoy reading and then forget it. I think you need to make it more unique and memorable. Maybe make the story a bit more exciting and different than a simple love story? Or if you like this story then maybe use more creative language to embellish this poem. Detailed metaphors and similes, more poetry tools can help this poem seem more exciting.

But don't get me wrong, this poem is already good on it's own. But it's nice to have a poem that's a bit harder to forget, less simple and more intriguing. It's good but can be better.

Deanie x

Hi Deleted12 here for a quick review! I really enjoyed this poem! My favorite part was where it said: ''The sand scotched her toes'' and then,
''And they walked into the only open imbrace
they could find''

It was really cool how it was about the sea.

You wrote it in a way that really made it seem like the sea really has a personality..!

So...nice job!

Mind the edges; take with salt.

I occasionally glimpse spirit and beauty in this poem, but restrained by bland structure and the occasional egregious line. That is to say: this has potential, and you may choose to exploit that in order to create a better poem.

How the tide
reached her soul,
pulled her towards
when she needed strength
and pushed her away
when she needed it the most.

How the wave
engulfed her head
and let her resurface
only after receiving
a much needed
dose of reality.

The sand scorched her toes
and the towel added a rash
The public showers were dirty
and the sunscreen left sticky residue
All of this proof
that exterior forces should not be trusted.

But the water cleared her mind
and the ocean was just,
in taking away lives
from those who gave them away
and walked into the only open embrace
they could find.