Proof of Thought

I find myself lacking

in describing the sentiments you bring

because I am so mesmerized

caught up,

shut up,

when you show your disguise,

and even more so when you

tell me not to speak.

/

I used to accept a certain degree

of intellectualness, certainess,

fondness,

You challenged all of these things

What was I left with?

/

And so I let you keep speaking

with your words

thoughts

agonies

Meanwhile keeping to myself

You had authority

I was a minority.

/

And in all passion was worth,

it’s value lessened by your assertions

your facts

your principles

you were knightly

so I treaded lightly

on the path of grenades laid by your lips.

/

I was taught to not speak

to not ask

to not challange

to simply obey

and observe.

/

A word of dread,

it does nothing

The honor comes if it’s learned

Yet I was deemed incapable

from the words you slurred.

/

Not once was I taught to look

to grasp

That there was such thing as meaning

such thing as understanding

such thing as evading

the monotonous tones

of the asserted right

and the rightfully derived

/

I used to sit at a desk

in an honors class

where teachers were bathed in silver

for the lessons they projected on white boards

Misnamed “lessons”, for they were facts

They were nothings

They were answers to a test,

not answers for the inquiring mind.

/

I used to think that scraps of metal

were an arrangement of Fe and other elements,

not that it could be coiled and fondled into an element of beauty

that there was such thing as art

that this could be a part of

learning

that I could argue the worth

of certain objects

while the rest of my peers

refused to fight

to think for themselves

to bubble in

a pre-ordinated answer.

/

They are arranged species

They are nothings

They are made up of skin and bones and particles

That is what they are told

Isn’t that sad?

To not have heart and To not have

the privilege

of having life run through their veins

coursing the questions

that demand real answers

To not know how to speak

and to challenge

And to rebel when they are taught to ignore

To let their head become small

to not let the garden of their brain grow.

/

Yet dare I ask

Who is to blame?

/

Only once have I had someone ask me

what have you learned?

What will you know

after the test is done,

after you achieve a score?

What is left?

Other than the number

Other than the mark,

The ranking,

the label,

the determination of how you measure

alongside other figures?

/

And as I open my mouth to answer,

to speak, to question,

to provide a piece of something I find

enriching to others

a rare shred of clarity

How dare I speak?

/

How dare I continue to not shrink

to become another fact

another variable in an experiment

Another noise to quiet.

/

How dare I refuse

to let the grade at the top of my paper

define me and my future

How dare I have a voice

to defend

to protest

to show I am worth more

And when that grade is high

How dare I not be modest

How dare I not think

that I am less.

/

How dare I be hungry

/

They continue to deprive this nourishment

So my peers and I will continue in oblivion

So that when we are asked to speak up

We will not know what to say

/

Wake up, I scream

This is not the way the world works

for the things that are naught taught

will only come back to haunt

and terrorize

unless by now,

you simply don’t care

You’ve learned the system

the boring patterns

What is expected

and you obey

like a dog to his master.

/

And that is the greatest terror of all.

/

Do not allow yourself to become a victim,

I say

The disease runs until you are void of thought.

It erases all you are made of

There is no reason to be subject to this.

/

The vows of thinking have changed

There is no importance in repeating a thought

the thought must be formed,

which is more worthy than being proved

for something has been created

We learn to cherish the new.

/

Not what is shoved down throats

with the feel of a knife made of steel

We breathe on our own.

/

We try to find these answers

Our curiosity has been made into idioms (?)

They blame the death of cats on us

Why is instict portrayed as primal?

They try to change us.

We must be molded.

And they say we must not fight, we must only agree.

/

Learn this, they demand

they scrutinize

they leave after an hour

and we eat

on the minimum scraps they leave behind

This is not a meal we should be content with.

/

for we won’t know how to fend for ourselves

what to feed our children

because we don’t have a copy of that test

those answers

Not enough nourishment to feed these mouths.

/

We are taught to shrink

to (shrink) our temple

to count calories

be careful of what we intake

We can no longer be rounded, defined.

/

We are not worldy,

we hear news by word of ear

we fail to create, to aide, to instigate

we are only capable

of keeping syllables memorable

but when will we actually know their significance?

/

They teach that we are humans,

distinctive from other mammals,

animals, creatures

we are at the top of the chain

of all others

But am I not allowed to demand

when we will stop being trained?

/

I should pray

But I am taught that it is not customary

Not by those intellectuals that find their faith in books

Those who restrict their vision

and are trying to restrict ours

for their eyes are blinded

covered from the front cover of the book to the other

It is a vise

and they pass this book onto us

force us to learn

what they have learned

what they must “teach”

in order to receive a sum

to get through the day

to feel accomplished with their mediocrity.

/

My book is titled NO

I will not restrict myself to a wooden desk

I will not take these facts for granted

when there is more than one author

more than one opinion

two sides to every story

This is titled NO Your test is invalid

Not me

No, I may be inaccurate in measure

but you are measuring the wrong things

No I will not be insignificant

No I will not think for others

I will think for myself

I will think for the events

that happen

and not just know that they have happened

I will ask why and how and who and where and

I will not just remember them

I will treasure them

I will keep them

I will invest in them

I will not repent

/

and to those who continue to memorize,

Those who refuse to rise and absorb

will find their skill at becoming a machine

And they will rust

and we will rust with them

As a rusty wheel can not turn

Can not function

Can not move

Can not grow

Invalid.

/

Where will the educators and students be 10 years from now

They expect us to answer this

But this isn’t an answer found in a textbook

Music and art and dance and feeling and expression

all secondary to GPA’s and honor roll and

the recitement of the Declaration of Independence

which stated all MEN were created equal

and the people of the past

followed this document

followed the droning voices

of officials

and determined that some humans

were not men

were not equal

But they were not capable of thinking for themselves

This was long thread of followers

not leaders

until salvation from this hell was reached

and maybe some

can recite the date.

/

When will we grow wary

and tired of this cycle on ingenuity

When will we prove that all beings

are capable of being geniuses

and when will we deny

the spoon-fed ideas

into our gaping mouths.

/

Are we afraid

That those who find themselves as the exception

may prove to be nothing special at all

Is that why the rest are repressed

because those

are frightened?

/

The gape of the hole is dark and dreary

And as humans, we should be searching

for the light

We must value of what it is to

think

to become ourselves

to follow the endless pursuit

and not remain entranced.

/

We must think for ourselves

The only thing we must prove is the proof

of thought.