Young Writers Society

...can I like this poem? Where is the like button, even... oh! Okay. *liked*

SO. I liked this. Of course, I also like crappy romance novels that have this same kind of flavor... but that's for another discussion entirely! The fact is, I am a fan of having self-righteous knights being put back in their place by their ladies, or by the ladies that they assume to have, even though they might not even have them, if that makes sense. It's kind of a kick ass attitude for ladies in waiting to have, and I really appreciate the flavor here!

The only think that made me twitch ever so slightly was this part:

You simply disgrace the soil beneath your knees
Just sail away! Begone! Go travel back your seas!

Hey Whisperer!

I realize this poem is meant to have a humor (maybe even slightly satirical?) element to it. I just have to say this line in particular:

O Knight with your generous, gaudy, God-like body

Hi Whisperer, I'm June,

I like this poem for it's easy rhyme scheme and it's organization. Right off the bat I'll tell you that I don't understand the italics-- poetry is an art, and every detail you let live in it, no matter how subtle, contributes something to the aura of a poem. I don't feel like the italics are contributing anything, except for unnecessary stress on words that don't feel justified in the stress. As much as I believe that you did a good job with this poem, there were a few things that stood out to me that I'd like to address. Let's have a look:

O Knight with your generous, gaudy, God-like body
Where is your most sought-for chivalry?

I really liked this piece . I enjoyed the way you started off by praising this "knight" by using the words "God-like" and "generous" . Then , through the duration of the poem , you start to present the negative feelings toward him by saying that he "disgraces" .

Although you describe the Knight as being disgraceful and tell him to "Begone" you still praise him and use the words "splendid" and "high honor" .

I really enjoyed this . Well done .

I really enjoyed reading this poem, so great job Whisperer!! It's humorous, and is a nice take on that traditional knight in shining armour idea.

So, I saw a couple spots that you may want to change:

In this sentence in the first stanza: "Or was it lost in your sleep where you were gone dreaming?" I think the word 'where' is a little awkward, and would be better replaced with the word 'when' since I think of 'sleep' as more of a time or phase than a place. And I also think the same could be done for the very last sentence of the poem.

In the secound stanza it's the first line that I have trouble with: "
O Knight with a generous, great God-like body"
I think you would be better off with the word 'your' rather than 'a' since you use the word 'your' in other places, or even use 'thy' like when you talk about his hands. and then I think that the word 'great' needs to be taken out, because it is majorly redundantly useless to describe something as 'great' when you're already calling it 'God-like'
And in 3rd line in same stanza "...very blinding splendour" something generally isn't sort of blinding, mediocre blinding, or very blinding, it just is or it isn't. So you can do without the word 'very'.

In the third stanza I think quotes around the word 'perfect' would be more effective in using sarcasm than the italics, but that's really a personal choice.
the 3rd stanza is my favorite though, it seems like the Lady is addressing someone immensly arrognant, and really showing him his foolishness.

I feel like the 4th stanza is a little more conclusive sounding than the last stanza, and I almost wonder if the last stanza should be moved up. That last sentence just doesn't have a sense of finality with it still being a question. Those are just my opinions, I look forward to reading more of your work, and overall really great job!! By the way, welcome to Young Writers Society!

wishing you the best of luck in all your writing,
Alliyah / ally-wa