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Twisted: Prologue

by ivyLeonora


They think they know me. They think they can figure me out, like I'm a closed book just waiting to be open. But I'm not. I'm not who they think I am. They say they can change me, but no one can, I can't even change myself if I wanted to. To be honest... I don't want to change. In a twisted, sick and sadistic view of life, I don't want to change who I am. I knew I was different from the other children at kindergarden. Not weird... But evil. I heard the little girl tell me to stop tying her to the chair. I heard her crying, sobbing, begging for me to stop approaching her with the candle with the blazing flame. But I smiled. That's what I do when i see people cry, I smile... Because in a TWISTED, SICK and SADISTIC way, I liked it. I really did.


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Sun Aug 01, 2021 10:46 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

They think they know me. They think they can figure me out, like I'm a closed book just waiting to be open. But I'm not. I'm not who they think I am. They say they can change me, but no one can, I can't even change myself if I wanted to. To be honest... I don't want to change. In a twisted, sick and sadistic view of life, I don't want to change who I am. I knew I was different from the other children at kindergarden. Not weird... But evil. I heard the little girl tell me to stop tying her to the chair. I heard her crying, sobbing, begging for me to stop approaching her with the candle with the blazing flame. But I smiled. That's what I do when i see people cry, I smile... Because in a TWISTED, SICK and SADISTIC way, I liked it. I really did.


Well, that was quite a prologue that you've got right there..surprisingly powerful and effective despite being as short as it is there...you certainly get the point of view of this protagonist or should I potentially be saying antagonist across quite well there.

Well, there's certainly no holding back whatsoever in that particular department, cause this character who's doing all the talking here clearly doesn't seem to be trying to win over any of the readers to feel particularly sorry for them or root for them in anyway cause they do seem to be going out of their way, even quoting actual examples from their life to convey just how much of a horrible human being they are.

Soo, well I do wonder what you're goal is with this prologue, I do hope this isn't the person that we're meant to be following and rooting for cause I doubt too many would want to root for this person to win. It is an interesting premise though, perhaps if this is going to be some sort of redemption story of sorts, although otherwise it looks like we're about to see the twisted actions of a pretty twisted and rather evil sounding person here.

Overall, an interesting prologue that you've got here. :D

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Sun May 11, 2014 3:32 am
1Weirdsituation wrote a review...



Ooh... twisted and sadistic- very.
I like how you introduced the story. It lets the reader know what typed of characters he/she is. But it's very sadistic...
Sorry I really like that word. I would say to use it more but that's repetition and repetition is not good in a story. Suggestion- If you're thinking about repeating a word or phrase, look up synonyms or think of things that mean the same.
Twisted is interesting so far. When I saw the title I thought of the ABC TV show, Twisted with Avan Jogia.
I know this is random. I'm random. But don't mind that. Mind your story. Make it interesting and make people fall in love. Love is what keeps a fan base up.
Anyways back to the point.
I could not find any flaws in this paragraph.
Keep up the good work you beats of goodness!
- That situation






I meant "beast of goodness"



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Wed Jun 05, 2013 2:46 am
AngelaDangel wrote a review...



Overall it left me happy, disturbed and in anticipation for whats to come. The only thing that bothered me was the use of grammar. Such as when you said :

They say they can change me, but no one can, I can't even change myself if I wanted to.

Just as a little fix you could have said:

They say they can change me, but no one can. I couldn't change myself, even if I wanted to.

Also when it said:

I heard her crying, sobbing, begging for me to stop approaching her with the candle with the blazing flame

I think a better way to put it would have been:


I heard her crying, sobbing, begging for me to stop approaching her with the blazing flame.
^ It makes it more sinister and you don't have to specify that the flame is a candle.

But keep going, it seems great! XD -ThatGirl




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Thu May 30, 2013 6:29 am
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Dreamy wrote a review...



OOOHHWWW!!! This seems to be very disturbing. I don't know why but I smiled, not that I am twisted, but because that after a long period of time someone has written a story based on psycho path, I suppose. This is an really exciting prologue. No mistakes found. And good work. Its different that you have made the character describe himself rather than the author which is really effective. It would be really nice if u start with him being in asylum. It sounds cliche but I know that you will make best out of it.. Good Luck. Keep it up!!!! ;)




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Tue May 28, 2013 11:11 pm
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DannieInkblotHanson wrote a review...



Hello there and welcome to YWS! I am here to write you some stuff that you hopefully fin useful. Here I go.
The character you are making is very interesting. I only ask for a pronoun. If you could slip in somewhere the gender of this person it would smooth things out. But I do like it! The concept you're dealing with is a really good one and writing it in first person is also a good choice for development of this character. I noticed your double use of "sick, twisted and sadistic" and you should probably change the caps to italics. That shouldn't be hard and it would keep readers from yelling the words in their heads which makes things a little awkward. Also I didn't know if you used the phrase twice on purpose (which I assume you did) and if you you used it a third time it would make it more obvious that you were emphasizing and didn't just run out of words.
This is a really good prologue. Ominous, vague, a little surreal, and well written. Good job and keep working this one!




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Tue May 28, 2013 4:16 pm
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Noelle wrote a review...



Hi there!

So...um...well...you've definitely grabbed my attention with this piece. It's a great prologue. I like how you only introduced us to one character. Not a situation, not a setting, not another world, just a character. Now I'm drawn in. I want to know more about this character. But I also want to know more about the society they live in. Is it normal for this to happen or is it frowned upon. Do people think they're crazy and evil?

There's a few things I want to point out. First of all, I'm not a fan of the ellipses. If it's used in the right places, it's good. But I don't think you need it in this piece, in either places you put it in. Second, I think you could break this into a few paragraphs rather than just one. That way you could put emphasis on certain parts. For example, if you break at "To be honest..." and "I know I was different..." and "I really did". So now you're emphasizing these three sentences, really making sure that your readers remember those things. It also makes it more dramatic.

Thirdly, I think you changed tenses halfway through. You start off in present tense, but then switch to past in the sentence starting with "I knew I was different..." I know that that is when your character is recalling a past memory, but the story would flow better if you keep that in present tense. Then you could say, "I know I'm different from the other kids at school. Not weird, but evil. I remember that girl in kindergarten, the one who begged me not to tie her to her chair." I think the memory would work better if introduced this way.

Oh yeah, one more thing. The capitalization in the second to last sentence isn't needed either. You can still feel the effect of those words without the capitalization.

Overall I really like this. I so hope you continue writing this. I will gladly read and review anymore chapters you post. Just let me know when you post them!

Keep writing!
**Noelle**




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Tue May 28, 2013 3:36 pm
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rbt00 says...



Its twisted i must say.
This looks more like your thoughts instead of a story.
This story is short but i think it needs alot of improvement.
With a little bit of efforts you can make it through.
Dont mind .. but its pretty good.
Yeah Thats All :D




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Tue May 28, 2013 2:52 pm
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Sapi wrote a review...



Well..That sure is twisted. A bit creepy, too, but of course you meant it to freak people out so I guess that's okay.

I'm assuming from the title that this is meant as a prologue to a book? If so, here's the thing: Usually, prologues are like a chapter unto themselves. Although sometimes shorter than normal chapters, they still are generally longer than a paragraph. So, given the subject material here, this is my personal idea (you don't have to take it if you don't want, just putting it out there :) ) :

Aside from the introduction from the [creepy] narrator's feelings in this part, there is also a story, or kind of one, about the, tying up a little girl. Since this probably happened BEFORE the main story of the book following (assuming there is one), you could make this your chapter. Perhaps start with that paragraph, but continue on. Describe the setting of this incident, the time, the place, what the day started out like. And then go on to describe the actual incident, what made the narrator do what he/she did, and how it made them feel. And that, as a finished piece, could be a good prologue. Perhaps...

So that's all I have to say on the matter right now. Don't get me wrong, this paragraph is quite good, in fact a little emotionally overwhelming in a scary way, buuuut still well written, I think. It just could use some more stuff to be a complete prologue.

Good start! *applauds and exits*.

~Sapi





By swallowing evil words unsaid, no one has ever harmed his stomach.
— Winston Churchill