Appearing at the close, shut your eyes
grasp on to the fading light ;
sounds of rusted chain of vice
songbirds hidden inside.
Flickering lights of colour
squeezing shut for that dance cacophony
as things distant grow smaller,
penetrate through your choices.
Sounds of twisting guilt
framed across the photographs;
videos in can never be framed with gilt
or wrapped in your embrace.
fleeting fevers and the silent flames;
set forth with a blurry vision
run barefoot across the great plains
following the phosphene trail
As dusk turns into nighttime blues,
the yellowbrickroad is seen;
find the broken muse
and lose yourself in the ways of the wor(l)ds.
Paralyzed by touch-me-nots
You cast a spell to weave your way
Forever an abyss of thoughts
this murky haze is an escape.
Yousa English! Or at least spell colour with a u. 
This was amazing, and despite the fact I can't make head nor tail of it, this is so nonsensical it is easy to relate to, almost like a dream.
I have a little recommendation for the last line, and that is make it rhyme. It sounds really nice when you end a poem with a rhyming couplet particularly.
Perhaps yyou could rhyme it with day, possibly as in the phrase night and day. Of the top of my head.
Hope this helps,
Take That You Fiend!
Hey I'm Elizabeth1 and here's my review!
I want to start off by saying you're a great writer and you have so much potential. I also really enjoyed your poem!
There were a few things that I didn't understand about your poem. I had to read your poem twice to get a better understanding. I'm still not positive on what your personal message was, but I think I know, yet your poem leads me on this road of endless interpretations.
I think it was cool that you didn't capitalize every single new line because it makes your poem different and unique. However I think all the words you did capitalize should have been lowercase like the rest of the poem. I also think you should have had stanzas in your poem to make it easier for the reader to read and also to keep the flow even. You have great flow throughout your poem and stanzas would have helped, but this is your poem and you can format it in any way you want.
"sounds of rusted chain of vice
songbirds hidden inside."
I think "chain of vice" should be "chains of vices"
"Sounds of twisting guilt
framed across the photographs;
videos in can never be framed with gilt
or wrapped in your embrace."
This doesn't make a lot of sense to me. I think you should replace "sounds" to "sights". Also "videos in.." that entire line doesn't make a lot of sense to me, maybe take out the "in" or word those two lines differently because there's something off about it and I'm not sure what.
"yellowbrickroad"
I'm not sure why you kept it one word but I think you have your reason why you did. Maybe just separate into three words.
"and lose yourself in the ways of the wor(l)ds."
Many people commented that you shouldn't have written "wor(l)ds" the way you did, but I personally love it and I see why you did that.
You had a lot of imagery throughout you entire poem and I didn't think it was overwhelming. I think the imagery really helped your poem and I enjoyed it.
Hi there! This here's Sapi. 
I have to say this poem pretty much confused me more than it touched me. I feel like if it was clearer, or maybe even shorter, I would have gotten something out of it. I keep on trying to figure out what it's supposed to mean instead of appreciating the beautiful words you use.
The flow was really good, I felt, and the imagery amazing. The problem is, it was a disconnected imagery. And there was almost too much, just because each line was about a different subject, a different place, a different image. It was overwhelming to read it. So I guess all you need to work on is continuity and essence flow. The "out-loud" flow is perfect, that's fine, but the flow of the story is almost nonexistent. If you know what I mean.
There are a few little things I noticed, besides that.
"the yellowbrickroad is seen;"
I don't believe is works well as one word. I would separate it into three.
"and lose yourself in the ways of the wor(l)ds."
I think I understand what you were going for here, to have "words" and "worlds" at the same time. Buuuut, I'm not sure that works either. Perhaps just choose one or the other, or else incorporate both separately into the line...
So yeah, that's it. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy your style of writing and I have to admit some of the dizzying sense of is poem I also enjoyed, but it did get to be a bit too much. Great job and keep at it!
Happy writing,
~Sapi
This is beautiful and scary and so life telling.I had to read it twice before I could comment or review, your words are written and placed very well and you pay from subject to subject yet say on one. Life with its up and downs,forwards and backwards.Escape is what you look for and it seems that it cant be found yet in the end it is. This is most likely one of my favorite poetry pieces I have read in a long time.
Hello Lava, Jordin here with a small review for you by the way I love your avatar.
I sure hope this help you out.
This has absolutely no punctuation I think that you need a little bit more.Flickering lights of colour
squeezing shut for that dance cacophony
as things distant grow smaller,
Okay first I do not see how these can mix with each-other secound is they have no relations to each-other at all.Sounds of twisting guilt
framed across the photographs;
Okay The first line makes no sense either it is what do you call it well I think you call it very different, and how on earth can gilt be wrapped in your embrace.videos in can never be framed with gilt
or wrapped in your embrace
also why did you write this?wor(l)ds.
This really catches me off guard. The first time I read it, I had to stop and see if this was a fanfic poem for Harry Potter. "Opens at the close" is the snitche's hiding phrase, so "at the close" is really what catches me back to that phrase. In a sense, it is exactly what you're talking about in this poem, but it is really hard to get past that and keep reading the rest of the poem. You may want to flip that and put something like that at the end of the poem instead of at the beginning. That way people can read the poem without searching for wizards and muggles.Appearing at the close
Hey there! Speakerskat here to review for the Tisunami Tyrants!
Grammer:
Be sure to capitalize the first letter in the first word of each line!
colour is actually spelled color
chain in the third line should be chains
Flow: it flowed a little chopy to me after the first 7 lines or so but not to bad...maybe that's just me. However I must say your beginning flow was easy and elegant and light ! Your point was very well conveyed throughout the story.
Is phosphene a historical refrence? I did not get that
Loved the idea and poem overall though
Keep it up
Speakerskat
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