Young Writers Society

The last one didn't come out well.. I'm almost afraid to ask.

Wake up!
You sleeping youths wake up.
Wake up and receive your sight.
Wake up with all your might.
Wake up and smell the decay of your future.
Wake up to stand for yourselves.

Stand up!
You sleepy youths stand up.
Stand up to fight.
Stand up with all your might.
Take up your arms of learnedry and fight for yourselves.
Take up your tools and mold a nation for yourselves.

Hi again!

This review will be a little bit shorter.  I'll just give you a general overview.

So the only punctuation, flow problem I have been noticing is that you have a tendency to end every line with a period.  Especially in a poem like this, that is passionate, we don't want every line to sound final and kind of dead.  We want the lines to feel powerful, with exclamation marks when needed, and everywhere else, commas or just nothing at all at the end of the line, to connect each line to the next smoothly.  The thing about putting full stops at the end of each line is it takes away some feeling and flow from the poem, because each sentence sounds kind of dull and downward sloping. Just maybe be aware of that, and try to change the punctuation to match the true fluency of your poem.    That will make the flow much better when you read it out loud.

"Wake up and receive your sight."

This line confused me the first few times I read it over.  I assume you meant "sight" as in the ability to see, not as in a place to see, a "sight" to see.  The second meaning was what I originally took it as, so maybe just clarify what you mean. One way to do this would be to maybe change "receive" to a word like "gain" that is more easily associated with seeing anew. Or whatever. It just confused me a little originally.

As far as the poem in general, it's a very powerful topic to pick and I think it was pretty well executed in this piece, so good job! I would like to hear a bit more of a context contained within your poem, even if it's subtle.  Right now, it could be put into any context of arousing people to action.  I don't think you need to elaborate a specific "Call to Arms" it is meant for, but maybe add in a bit or two in the poem telling the youth WHY they should wake up, stand up.  Or not.  Just an idea. I also admire you for being able to write about your country in the abstract way of writing a poem. Thank you for sharing it with us!

Hope this helps a bit,
~Sapi

i like the use of varying sentance lengths. you used alot of "advanced" words something i dont see in works very often. you seem to know what you"re doing and have a very vivid imagination and make it easy for the reader to connect and see what you saw while writing this peice. i didnt see many mistakes, if i saw any at all, but dont take my word for it, im not one who notices that kind of thing alot. but all in all, this is a good peice of writing.

Thanks for the reviews guys I have to admit I too think I could have written more stanzas between the period of idleness and that of stirring agitation, maybe I'll write another and a much more filled one thanks again guys .

@Cyb3rBlade I'm from Nigeria

Hello so first off I think you have some nice ideas here.

Out of curiosity, what exactly is this about? I felt a bit confused.

Why do they need to wake up?

Why are they asleep?

Maybe you might want to add that.

On the bright side, this was a brave piece of work here. You could really feel the energy here geared towards the bettering of the youth. Well done.

Hello orel! Overall, I think this has a good rhythm to it. I could hear it being chanted or sung with a drum beat, which seems like it fits what you were going for. Just a couple things.

1) This piece is catchy, but I feel like it's a bit vague. What am I supposed to get up and fight for? I think there could be verses in between elaborating the current situation (some bad thing happening, the youth being apathetic).

2) The word "learnedry" just seems awkward to me. I think you could replace it with a symbol of education (like a book?) Perhaps something like "Put down your phones and pick up your books" would pack a punch.

Overall, this could be built on, but it's strong and simple and catchy, which is good. Keep writing!

Hello there here is a me on the CreativiTea team on review day sorry about that last review I did on this it was just bla bla bla.

Hopes it helps you out some.

OK this is really really really good but I think you should tack out some of the periods that are in here you may have to many I really think this good.

But wait I can't see any other probs great job Orel this here was really good.

But there is one thing you could have done is edit what you wrote before and than bame.

Until later "good luck good bye and may god be with you".

Keep writing and good luck.

~Jon~

Hope it helped you out.

And forgive me if I rambled.

Nice.
This strikes a Christian chord with me, in that many Christians are Asleep in the Light (give yourself a round of applause if you recognize the reference) and need a call to arms. I will assume, for the sake of review, that this is a piece of humanist work, since I despise those who push their own agenda in a review.

I saw, at least reading it a second time, the progression of word choice, and I thought it very good. Viz,

"Wake up!
You sleeping youths wake up." (sleeping)

"Stand up!
You sleepy youths stand up." (sleepy; the youths have awakened. Really cool.)

I'm glad that your poetry stands, and I think I like that it isn't standing for a particular faction; it lives up quite to the title. It most certainly is (tries to think of word) good, necessary, spot-on; our nation needs it. (It strikes me now that I have no idea what country you're from. I'm from America, by the way.)
I tripped over 'learnedry' the first time, but that doesn't bother me now.
The rhyming scheme could be better, though I don't think that bothers you. If you could fix the rhyming of 'yourselves' with 'yourselves', I think it would help a lot.
Thanks. I like to see writing that stands. That's all I've got to say, and I will admit that I don't consider myself particularly adept at poetry.
God Bless,
-Cyb3rBlade