An Ode To Her

This is beautifully written! I liked it very much. If I look at this properly, there is not much flaws in here as well.
But you really need to sort some things out. Firstly, this sticks out of place pretty bad because it does not belong in the other section. It coluld be a good lyrics or even a nice poem! So I suggest you think on this and classify it accordingly. It was written so beautifully and I can relate to it but let us not ignore the fact that therr is much space for improvisation.
Secondly, even though the feelings were conveyed very well, I seriously did not get any idea on what or how this is supposed to be. Like...Is this supposed to rhyme? Is the flow alright? Etc etc.
Thirdly, I really suggest you start to write these out in draft form and work your way up by gradually improving it to get a good piece. And write a lot afterall practise will make you perfect.
And lastly, never get disheartened and always remain in touch with your heart. Keep writing and expressing your feelings.
Thats all~

On an emotional level, I loved this. On a technical level, I really didn't care for it.

I completely get the emotion behind this. I've been in this situation a billion times. I think it's great subject matter that anyone can empathize with. It was really melancholy and I think that worked. The content, the emotional appeal, all of that was great.

However, this doesn't really work for me on an objective level. Some of the rhymes don't work (rhyming "know" with another "know" for example) and it disrupts the flow. It also is overly stereotypical. Calling eyes "orbs" is something I've always detested. That's nothing against you, I've just always disliked that term when referring to eyes. That's personal. It just cliched in it's portrayal of unrequited love.

Overall, though, it was decent. Not a knockout poem, but not some miserable piece of gushy, overly sentimental schlock. It's not great, but it's not bad either.

-Loller

Very relateable, the idea of her smile completely engulfing you and bringing you into her world was really good. Becoming intoxicated by her. The last two lines are brilliant as well, very simple but they hit that sweet note that makes you feel slightly gutted.

"My real feelings for you you'll never know." I think maybe there should be a full stop between you and you'll.

"My real feelings for you. You'll never know." That way the reader pauses properly, almost bracing for that last line. Makes it that little bit stronger.

I think maybe you should change the word charm in the 4th line. It sounded a little weird because the line before it used charming, that may mess with the rhyme a bit. Actually it would be easier to change the word charming in that line, that way it doesn't screw with rhyming. That's if you want to change anything

Enjoyed it,

Hope this helps,

LMJ

Hey I'm Giselle and I'm here to review, so lets get to it.

This was simple yet holds so many emotions.

"The cold chill creeps back in cause I know

My real feelings for you you'll never know."

This is was my favorite line of them all because it seems like your showing your feeling for this person on the outside but deep down you truly know your feelings must be hidden.

I'm truly sorry, I'm in a hurry and I typing this up on a phone. I just had to review this because its lovely. Keep up the good work .