Young Writers Society

Hey Firedancer here and i am going to review your Lyrics.

"You’re so tantalizing,
Could you be a mocha?
Could you be el Tazo? (Tea?)
Your foam exci-i-ites me,
I feel my body warn me.
I don't need more calories."

The very first verse got me laughing. I always find parodies a little amusing, and your parody was definitely amusing! I read your earlier comment where you said that you fixed up a couple parts so I'm not going to point any out to you. I am sure that you are aware of the odd little words that don't fit in.

I say “Stay Away!”
You’re just like the others,
My non-existent lover.

This part made me chuckle because it fits exactly with the song and is relatable to many single people out there who have to rely on coffee.

I loved this is was very funny but there is a few things...
the line "please no, nut-meg" didn't work for me. I think it would sound better with a different spice.
Also "But my diet-it-tian" in my opinion didn't fit the rhythym of the rest of it. I'm not exactly sure how to fix it but if you rephrased those few lines I believe this would be Starbucks new theme song. Keep working on it if you like because I surely found it enjoyable and a new thing to sing whenever I'm lacking inspiration!

HI! This is reallyfunny and good. I like it lots.
a few lines that didn't quite work for me:

"But my diet-it-ian says!
Our touch stays far away.
This love’s unnatural!
My Frappuccino! "

I think 'this love's unnatural' would be better as 'unhealthy' or something. Unnatural doesn't really make sense.

"I take you!
Dr-dr-drink you!
I am just a victim,
To my coffee addiction!"

The last line is so GOOD! But feels a little long to fit the rhythm of the song.

"But I’m in different part of town!
A brand new Starbucks!
The guilt is eating me inside.
Now I’m next in line.
Extra-caramel please!"

This whole verse didn't quite work. It feels somewhat forced and is a bit jumpy and confusing.

My favourite verse is:

Your whipped cream!
Your whi-i-ipped cream!
Can I have a venti?
Extra on the caffeine!
I take you!
Dr-dr-drink you!
I am just a victim,
To my coffee addiction!

This is great. I can't help but sing that! Very funny piece. well done!