The last blow that broke my heart *edited*

Hey there! *trumpets sounding* I have come to review!

So, since this is a poem, I guess I can just jump right into things, so here we go!

It was a landscape heartbreak.

I loved you. Did you love me? I may never now, but I settled with I think so.

I was there for you when you were sick, when you were getting ready to go to the hospital for surgery..

you say "I don't think we should continue this relationship"

So I lay here broken, stoned, and in distress, whispering to myself "where did I go wrong..?"

Don't you get it?!

No one else could love me like you, no one wants to be around me except you. I gave you my heart but you never gave me yours in return.

I thought you saved me, but you just brought me up to cloud nine and let go so I could fall to the cold worn cement that I have felt to many times before..

I told you everything, my exes, my dreams when I grow old, my secrets, my sorrow, I shared it all. You shared nothing but a nod and a few tears.

This is very good. there are some weird words and phrases but over all you did a great job! I loved a few of your lines. i really liked this one here.

I thought you saved me, but you just brought me up to cloud nine and let go so I could fall to the cold worn cement that I have felt to many times before..

You can picture that some one making you feel invincible and amazing and them completely breaking you down. you can see feel and understand it.

I was there for you when you were sick, when you were getting ready to go to the hospital for surgery..

I like this line also.

You have an interesting rhyming thing going on here i like it it was cool to read. Keep up the good work!.

Hey Written Girl 46

My name's Aley and I'm here to review your poem.

First off, I'd like to say that you don't have to apologize for what you want to put out there as a poem. We're here to help everyone improve.

About the poem. The content of the poem is rather scattered. At times, we have a very clear message about what's going on, but it's not that personal, and at other times, it's not so clear what's going on, but it is very personal. Personal is good, so my suggestions will be to help you shift away from impersonal, towards personal and perhaps it will be less cathartic to write, but I think it will be more cathartic to read.

Overall, the most personal line I see is "Your excuse was that you had to stay in the hospital longer, be happy with someone else." but there is a lack of clarity here because we don't know several things about what's going on. We come from this point of matrimonial vows almost with "Till the end" and then we go into a potential end, a hospital. What I'm confused about is how they ended up in the hospital, and how that's supposed to be affecting the relationship between the two characters. At this point, you as a writer, can decide whether you want to include more of the backstory, or less of it, but I'd like to know more about how things started going wrong for this poem to be clearer. Also, the end of that line "Be happy with someone else" feels out of place because there are two ways it can attach to the other side of the sentence. Either the excuse was that they had to stay in the hospital so they could be happy with someone else, or they had to stay in the hospital, so the narrator should go and be happy with someone else.

To clarify what you want, you could consider breaking it up into individual sentences, or putting it in quotation marks for the individual to say that to the narrator.

As you launch into the next point of the poem, the point where the narrator is talking to the individual specifically, and dramatically, I feel like you use a lot of lines that I've heard before "No one could love me like you" "you saved me" and so on, but I like this middle part, and think it has some good clarity to it, this part here: "no one wants to be around me except you" The reason I like this part is because that's not a typical thing in a romance/break up poem. It's a very lonely feeling that comes from another personal point. I want you to keep that, but I'd like you to consider cutting out the line before it so it reads "Don't you get it? No one wants to be around me except you." and there are a couple grammatical changes I made for the line too because if you have that particular line as it's own sentence, it's stronger, and "Don't you get it?" is a clear defined statement in itself, that no, the "you" does not get it, and that's what's breaking the relationship apart.

I also feel like from this point, you could go two different ways, You could make it a poem about loss, or a poem about this loss. The one way you could branch out to explain how the speaker feels that there is no one but this one individual who wants to be around them, perhaps adding a paragraph where they go through the loss of other people, and the rejection they've felt. You could then swing back around and recapture this moment by adding it on top, and use the rest of the poem.

Of course, these are just suggestions and critiques. You don't have to do anything. It is your choice 100%. My goal here is just to help you find another way you can take this poem and potentially write it again so you can decide what you want, what you wanted to say, and how you wanted to say it.

Personally, I like personal poems better, or at least poems that feel personal. They don't actually have to be about yourself as long as it feels like no one else could have said it like that. To me, that's important and in parts of this poem, it is spot on, in other parts, it's missing because romance is one of those cases where people have a playbook due to how frequently it's talked about and in what specific ways it is spoken about. I'd love to see you get away from that playbook more, and really explore different ways to say some more of these passages.

Also props for your first poem being a non-line paragraph form.
oh, and you have a typo.

I should have none you didn't mean it.