I can never escape,
From the voices I hear.
I just wish once,
That my head would clear.
...
The voices surround me,
Saying I'm worthless.
I have to listen,
The voices know best.
...
The voice I hear most,
Is none other than my own.
It persists more than,
The other voices I know.
...
My voice repeats constantly,
There's no way out.
I guess I am right,
There's really no doubt.
...
I either live with this voice,
And dead I will be,
Or I silence the voice,
Which will also silence me.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
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125,011 Literary Works • 672,841 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would like to begin by saying that this poem has its own rhyme scheme which i think is quite amazing to its own self. Also how the tone sets the mood for this poem which would be escaping the voices inside of your head.
I have a few nitpicks about this poem:
There's no way out,
I guess I am right Is a little confusing to me since your voices continues sure but whats confusing about is that your voice is overtaking the voice (If that makes sense.)
The voice I hear most is also a little confusing but as i read on it realize that it is only your voice talking to yourself.
It persists more than
the other voices i know I thought there is one voice and that voice was your only voice, telling you to do whats wrong.
Even though most poems have some good things about them, this poem has a bunch. I enjoyed the end rhymes (since I love poems with end rhymes), the struggle to get the voice out of your head and far away from it as possibly, and at the end made me think about my friend who had been through depression and how she told me once about the voices in her head, telling right from wrong.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
This poem breaks my heart because that used to be me, believing that all the bad things about me are true. When it comes to poetry, you do speak the truth. This is a very well written piece, and poetry sure is your best friend. In high school, I'm afraid to say that this is true. People are cruel, but you can't let that control you. It's like at the last stanza says, "Or I silence the voice." It's hard, believe me, it is, but once you silence that voice, it'll just vanish until the next time.
Anabel here for a review!
Wow. Thats all I can say. The story is so well worded, I love it! I love the rhyme scheme and how its to the point. The last stanza really shows how the character can't silence the voice without silencing themselves. I really like the hard choice the character has to make. The emotion brought through this is very well done. The grammar is correct. My favorite part would be the last stanza because it shows the final choice the narrator has to make about themselves. Superb job.
Keep writing!!
Anabel
Hey!! So, as much as I love this poem, everything has its flaws, yes? So, nitpicks:
First off, RHYME. In your first stanza you rhyme hear and clear, but as you continue reading, the other stanza's don't follow that pattern.
Spoiler
The two words in bold should rhyme, but they don't. If you're doing that rhyme pattern.
Same thing in the third stanza.
The last two are good.
So, either rhyme all the way, or don't rhyme at all. Make sense?
Also, you could've used a lot of imagery here. Describe the voice. Be more in depth. I want to know more about the voices. Tell me!
This really is an amazing poem.But you could've done a lot more with the imagery, etc.
My favorite part was definitely,
Spoiler
Very nice job! I look forward to reading more from you! Keep writing, and as always keep smiling!
-Sis
Thank you for your review, and I am glad I could portray how it feels to be so alone accurately. If I can't understand how it feels, I'm not sure how anyone else would be able to!
Whether or not this is written from my point of view, I would have to say it is written in everyone's point of view. Everyone has been there at least once, and if they haven't yet, they will. It's just another obstacle life throws at us. It will get better, but the question is for how long. There will always be ups and downs. Thank you for reviewing this poem though. That made my little roller coaster of life go up.
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Right off the bat, you convey to the reader what's going down in your head. The first stanza was a great foundation for the rest of your poem. Then you get deeper into it, change up the rhyme pattern a little bit but nothing too crazy in the second stanza, which fleshes out the conflict of the poem. The third stanza offers us a different perspective on the voices the narrator is hearing; the new perspective changes the conflict from conflict with oneself and a supreme being (or, in this case, third-party, non-biased, non-personified voices) to total inner conflict, and it also brings a new face to the voices and the conflict we've been reading about in the previous stanzas. A lot going on in that one. The fourth stanza is a little shaky, almost unnecessary, because I kind of glossed over that one. No conflict climaxes, nothing is really explained except I guess for the helplessness of the narrator, which I suppose is important to the rest of the conflict, if you want to get technical. Not a huge fan of the fourth stanza but not a huge enemy, either. And then the crown jewel, the fifth and the last stanza, which is flawless but for punctuation. If this poem had been a play, I would've given it a standing ovation for that last stanza. Just punched me right in the gut, great job.
Wow, way to give a sure, swift roundhouse kick to my face with that last stanza. Let's begin, shall we?
Just, like, Two Nitpicks
Spoiler
The line I have an issue with is the second line, or the last line in the first stanza; you have established this rhyme pattern with a set number of syllables in each line, which flows really nicely... Until this line kind of jars my eye. I think "could be clear," should be "would clear," so you can keep that wonderful flow I love so well. It's just a thought, though; I know I personally don't like to edit my poetry because each line is kind of fragile and messing with one might throw off the rest, but just try it and see how you like it!
So this stanza was super powerful except for one thing: your punctuation. This sentence should be just that– one sentence. But you've broken it up in a weird way so now if it was all in one line, it'd read like this:
What you want to do is connect these two sentences with a comma instead of breaking it up with a period. It's just a little distracting and it reads jerkily in my head. (Also, I think you should change "then," to "and." I can't exactly explain why, but it just makes more sense to me. Having "then," there also threw me off in a big way. Just a thought.)
Content
Spoiler
Conclusion
So overall, this poem was really well-done, but for a few minor bug fixes. No big-deal things to worry about, really. I loved the drama you displayed in this poem simply but powerfully in so few words; it was pretty great! So I'll give your solid poem a solid eight stars out of ten! Great job!
I did make some mistakes with punctuation, didn't I? I guess I'll fix that. You also mentioned the fourth stanza and how it is practically useless. I can see your point, but personally I think it is important. The fourth stanza shows how helpless the narrator is, but it also shows that they think there is only one way out. This thought process shows the narrator has had these voices convincing them slowly over time. Maybe that isn't too important, but I think I'll keep it anyways.
I'm sorry for kicking you in the face too, especially since you deserve a thank you for this review. :3
No, I like being kicked and punched by poetry! It's awesome, and yeah, I can see your point on the fourth stanza now. *gains new perspective* Keep writing!!