symptoms of life

22 posts1, 2
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5.

It's All the Forevers who are at Fault

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I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA




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Heya hiraeth! Sorry I haven't commented in a bit, but I've been reading. <33
I love 4 especially, I think the way you cut the lines short and have this trail of repetition throughout gave it a great tone and emotional punch. :)
Also the sort of double-story we see in 5--I love the lines that run together and give a great sense of the state of these thoughts.
Great job so far, I hope you keep writing more!! I love to see these. :D
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thanks, que! i will write more, hopefully, but i'm taking a break - i lose interest too quickly and think a bit of time away from poeting is essential, otherwise i'll hightail into a writing block.

thanks again for the kind comments! :D
I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 4055
Reviews 98
Spoiler
what can i say. i'm feeling more apathy than usual, so no deep emotions, just confessing a love


6.

'Rain' sounds like 'Love'

Image
I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA




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Gender Female
Points 2577
Reviews 67
Spoiler
I absolutely love all your poems. The deep emotions, the expressive language, a sort of beautiful melancholy and the perfect formatting . They make me feel so dreamy and the sort of lost feeling I really cant put into words. Keep up the incredible work. I really love them all.
Even
After
All this time
The Sun never says
To the Earth
"You owe me"
Look
What happens
With a Love like that
It lights the
Whole
Sky




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aaahh I loved the repetition of "i would still know" in that last poem! The blank spaces give it this mood I can't even describe it but it's fantastic. Also, "mist where it meet stone" is such a lovely image. <33

Spoiler
P.S., since the month is winding down, would you want to do a poem collab with me sometime? Not necessarily for NaPo but just because we've been buddies and it might be fun :)
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thanks que!

Spoiler
and omg yes, i would totally love to do a collab with you! you're such a great writer!
I was eleven years old
and I'd lost my mother,
and my soul.
And the crucible
gave me you.

mA



Light griefs are loquacious, but the great are dumb.
— Seneca