I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

"I don't know." Vendetta looked towards Dawn, who was now faintly glowing. "What does your sibling look like, Dawn?"

Dawn hummed. "My sibling, the great Bow of the Setting Sun is purple and dark blue, with bright gold to represent a slumbering sun!"

"Do they also glow like you do?"

Dawn bobbed. "Yes! They glow this wonderful lavender shade, kind of like that bow is doing! Wait." Dawn inched forwards. "Exactly like that bow is doing!" They zipped off, leaving the group behind.

Valeri exchanged a glance with Vendetta, then raced after Dawn. Some couples gave them odd glances and tried to shield their children from the flying weapon, but Valeri called out, “Don’t worry, the sword’s nonviolent!”

Eventually Dawn slowed to a halt, and Valeri panted, “A little warning next time, maybe?”

But Dawn ignored them. “Sibling… Is that you?”

(58 words)

A bow, looking just as Dawn had described, flickered lavender. It was strapped to a child's back, who proceeded to turn around and gasp. "Look, Mommy! A floating sword!"

Vendetta groaned. "Curse me for speaking that into existence."

Dawn hummed. "Who gives a bow to a child?"

The child gasped again, eyes wide in wonder. "Mommy! A talking, floating sword!"

“How fun, sweetie!” The kid’s mom didn’t look up from her phone.

Valeri bent down until she was at eye level with the child. “Yeah, um. About that bow you have… it goes with this sword, and we kind of need it for a prophecy thing, so…” She held out a hand for the bow.

The kid edged away and said, “Y-you want my bow?” The bow glowed brighter.

(69 words)

Dawn groaned. "Look, kiddo. I'm sorry. But that bow is my sibling, and I miss them very much. Do you have a sibling?"

The kid nodded, clutching the strap of the bow protectively.

"Well, how would you feel if you lost them forever and could never do anything with them again?"

“Jamie is annoying, but… I’d feel sad, I guess.” The kid looked down. “But this is my bow now… Couldn’t you be my sword too?”

Valeri looked around, then stage-whispered to the kid, “Can you keep a secret?”

The child nodded enthusiastically.

“Well, the truth is, we need to take the bow and the sword and use it to defeat a vampire necromancer. And we can’t do that if you’re holding on to them.”

The kid’s eyes grew round. “Ooh, is it a quest? Can I come too?”

(88 words)

Vendetta shook their head. "I think your mommy would be very upset with us if we took you."

Dawn bobbed in agreement. "Yes, you would have to ask her. As a sign of respect."

The kid giggled. "Hey, Mommy! Can I go on a quest with my new friends?"

“Sure. Come back soon, okay?” The kid’s mother typed something furiously.

“Er, wait. I don’t want to be stuck on babysitting duty—“

The kid interrupted Valeri with a “Yahoo! Quest time!” The bow glowed brightly and Dawn hummed.

“Well, at least I have my sibling back…?”

(46 words)

The kid nodded. “Okay! Only because I’m coming on the quest, and I want to help.” They fumbled with the straps, finally releasing the bow and presenting it to Dawn.

They rushed towards the bow. “Hey, come on. Wake up, please.”

The bow vibrated, slowly levitating in the air before flashing a blinding light.

“WHO DARES WAKE ME FROM MY SLUMBER? Leave, or face the wrath of an IMMORTAL WEAPON,” a deep voice boomed.

The trio (plus the kid) stared at the bow for a second.

After a beat, the bow started to vibrate in something that resembled laughter. “Haha, just kidding! You shoulda seen the look on your faces!”

(56 words)

Dawn pressed their blade against the bow’s strings, sighing in relief. “Sibling! I have found you once again! We’ve been separated for half a decade. Someone shattered me and scattered the pieces across the land. I’m so glad you’re in one piece.”

The bow hummed. “You can’t get rid of me that easily. You’re stuck with me forever.”

“There’s worse things to be bonded to.”

“Aww.” Amy giggled. “Well, if you guys are done with your sweet reunion now, Josephinzo the great wizard summoned us to Washington, D.C., remember?”

The bow vibrated. “Wait! How do you expect to use a bow without any arrows? We must set off for my quiver and arrows at once!”

“But… but you’re a magic bow. Can’t you make your own arrows or something?” Valeri asked.

The bow sniffed. “It doesn’t work that way.”

Amy fidgeted with the portal. “But Josephinzo…”

(81 words)

Dawn twisted in disagreements. “Nope! My great sibling has to have their quiver and arrows! Did you return me to Jospeh Pinzo without a hilt?”

Amy sighed. “It’s Josephinzo, silly.”

The bow scoffed. “Josephinzo? That’s a bombast name.

Amy gasped. “Josephinzo is a great name! A family name too.” She threw confetti at the bow.

“Okay, okay!” Vendetta clapped their hand to get everyone’s attention. “Dawn is right we need to get Dusk - is it alright if we call you Dusk?”

The bow bobbed. “Sure.”

“We need to get Dusk’s quiver and arrows.”

"Okay, Dusk, help us out here. Can you sense where your quiver and arrows are?"

Dusk quivered. "Hmm... thataway, maybe?" The bow rotated to face northeast.

"That's pretty vague..." Valeri sighed and pinched the bridge of her nose.

"Ooh, road trip?" The kid perked up, and Valeri jumped.

"Right... we're taking the kid with us..."

"My name is Carter," the kid said confidently, "and I vote for a road trip!"

(70 words)

Vendetta chewed on their lip nervously. "Uh, Carter, would your mom mind you taking a road trip. She wanted you back soon, and I can't promise anything."

Carter rolled their eyes. "Watch this." They turned towards his mom. "Hey, Mommy! Can I go on an awesome road trip for like... a month?"

Vendetta sighed. "Carter, you're making it sound like we're kidnapping you."

Amy giggled. "The Great Jospehinzo could use another WANNABE. I hope she says yes."