Hey, would you mind taking a look at Colors? It's mine and 322sivart's entry to the Poetry Pairs contest thing, and we kinda need all the help me can get.
Colors Lyric Poetry Colors, as you can guess, and how they tie in with things
No rush, except before the month's over. Thanks a million. =D
"Blah blah blah. You feel trapped in your life. Here is what I am hearing: happiness isn't worth any inconvenience."
I just posted my first YWS novella ever, Blackened Runes. Mind taking a look?
I am the workingman, the inventor, the maker of the world's food and clothes. I am the audience that witnesses history. - Carl Sandburg, I am the People, the Mob
Roll up! Roll up! Jack's Critique Emporium is open to the public once more! With whole new offerings! Dazzling reviews! Sparkling critiques! Fantabulous comments! We've got all your critiquing needs under one roof!
Seriously, feed me.
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
Firestarter wrote: I've been a struggling poet for a few years now, so if you're a new poet or in a similar situation, I think I can empathise and assist.
New poet? That's me, and I assistance would be lovely!
I'm going to enter this piece work.php?id=98548 in a competition, and would like to know if it's contest-worthy.
Thanks!
~Shady
"u and rina are systematically watering down the grammar of yws" - Atticus "From the fish mother to the fish death god." - lehmanf "A fish stole my identity. I blame shady" - Omni [they/he]
The Story of Not (revised) The Story of Not, Fantasy Short Story A short story following the journey of a boy named Not as he attempts to fix his broken world. It is told in a folk-tale/fairytale like style.
My biggest concern with this work is that the wording will be to confusing. So please pay attention to that and give me your opinion. I think I've gotten all the grammar/spelling type stuff and with some more reading I'm sure I can get what's left. So I'm not really looking for that in a review. What I am looking for would be comments on story-line/plot type stuff. I also had one person point out that my sentence structure needs work. I agree with them, but I'm not 100% sure what to do about it without leaving the folktale style. I know that I could add some overly embellished descriptions (that is common in the style I'm going for) but due to the unique nature of my piece I'm having a hard time finding where to put those in. So any direct advice on how to improve my sentences structure would be amazing. Of course, all that is just what I think I want. Often times a reviewer will give me something else and I'm even happier with what they did then I would've been with what I asked for. So you know, review whatever stands out, just keep in mind everything I've said here.
Also, I don't think I'm too happy with that title, so some suggestions would be great!
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