Corrupt A Wish [4]

Granted, but you receive one million dollars in 19th-century currency. As for your savings plan, it is good at face value, but you are forced to split it exactly with your sister.

I wish the old members were still on here, circa 2013-2014

Granted, but you're not.

I wish that I could remember things.

Granted, but none of the memories are yours. You spend the rest of your life remembering only other people's, never forming memories of your own.

I wish the corruption of this wish was only one word long.

Denied

I wish that I had a nice cold beer in my hands.

Granted, but you've developed a sudden deadly intolerance to alcohol.

I wish I was talented at something.

Granted, but you aren't very talented and you are absolutely HORRIBLE at everything else. Like, beyond you can't do it or do it badly, you just kill everything in the process of trying.

I wish I could do a backflip.

You can, but the Trump Administration issues an executive order that makes it illegal to have pet birds.

I wish I would stop losing my chapstick all the time.

Granted, but you're lips disappear.

I wish I had three incorruptible wishes, not including this one.

Granted, but you can only wish for terrible things.

I wish there was a pizza place that delivered to my house.

Granted, but the pizza is WAY overpriced and only serves broccoli pizza (unless you like broccoli pizza. Then it doesn't serve it.)

I wish I could watch the ninth and tenth seasons of Doctor Who.

Granted, but they're terrible.

I wish my nose wasn't stocked up. I wanna take a nap...

Granted, but you can never wake up.

I wish Lisa would stop telling people I hit her. It's not true. It's bullsh*t. I did not hit her. I did not.

Granted, but your movie's terrible.

I wish to become king of the universe and everything therein for one thousand yearssssssss

Granted! You die in the first year, causing universal turmoil causing a gigantic space-war regarding who should take over.

I wish I could cook.

Granted, but no one likes your food, and you die an unrecognized genius, who's food is only eventually appreciated by cyborg space aliens.

I wish I knew the muffin man