free write - boys of summer

First prose-ish thing I've written in ages. (see note at bottom, please)


I don't know if it's the smell of freshly cut grass, the "ping" of batting practice, the shadows over the outfield during the late innings of a tight game, the excitement of a crowd, large or small, the radio broadcasts, or the smell of sunscreen away from a pool that mean summer. It's not the heat; California's too warm too often for the appearance of sum to signal lazy summer days. Every year, without fail (not counting the strike years), baseball is the constant in life. March spring Cactus League play leads to an April start - the turning point of the year. The summer pattern begins to manifest itself in April, complete with Daylight Savings Time, the reappearance of fog banks over the Bay, and Giants' baseball on the radio. By June, the season is in full swing, schools out, and Little League, Babe Ruth League, any league imaginable, is winding down and forming all-star teams, and planning tournaments, to play in or to be dragged to, while fervently clutching a radio so as not to miss an out of the latest Giants-Dodgers feud. Summer isn't a time, it's a mind set; from March to October, thanks to the boys of summer.




I guess I'd call this a setting sketch.. actually, just a sketch. I've been stuck on prose for ages, and I've decided it's time to stop ignoring it, and time to actually do something about this little "problem" I've been fighting. I need to know what works, and what doesn't, and why. I can't analyze my own work very well at all, so I'm finally caving and asking for help. Thanks, all. Also, there isn't really a point to this other than to help me out of my slump.

I found it! Recent Literary Additions ... tee hee.

First up, I like the idea that summer's just a mind set. That seems true to me, and you described the sort of things that really are summer. So that's great. Radio! There's always the radio in summer! That's so true! I think you described the right things to illustrate summer ... it worked for me. I can visulise summer and I'm sitting here freezing my fingers off.

Well, I can't pretend I know what you're talking about when you get into the baseball stuff, because I don't. But I can sort of transfer it to cricket (since that's played in summer) and I know what you're talking about even if I don't have a clue about the teams you mentioned.

You're doing the right thing to get out of your slump if you ask me, just writing short little bits about something important to you that's fresh in your mind.

Sorry this critique isn't the greatest the world has ever seen, but I hape it can be of some help.

This is begging to be expanded...

Nice introduction you have there. It introduces the scene fairly well and makes me want to go to San Francisco (it's hot here!)

Still, I would try to expand it more. What happens when you watch games? Does your whole family go ballistic? Was there any particular game that you just had to jump up and down screaming with rage? With joy? What reaction did you have when the umpires were STUPID and wasn't treating them fairly, but they won nevertheless?

See? You can expand this and make it really nice. Just remember... make the exciting part the ending.

Oooh. I don't think I've ever read anything of yours, Mesh -- but if your other stuff is anything like this sketch, I should really go back and do so now. I thought this was great. In my opinion, you described baseball season to a t. (We're pretty big on baseball up here in Ohio too...) The images, from the smell of grass to kids getting "dragged" to tournaments (haha), were colorful and right on. I'm excited to see where you're going to go with this next. Good luck!

Thanks, guys!

Maybe I will expand this.. short story of sorts? I'll see what I come up with.

And 'Rina? Thanks for the ideas.. I might have to steal some of them.. and I wish I could go to SF right now, it is hot.

Shriek.. um.. my other stuff. yeah. some of the poetry is crap, but I digress. I'm glad a fellow baseball enthusiast likes this!

Lucy.. *shakes head* ta, dearie.

Ok. I think I'm going to do a series of baseball sketches.. I'll work on some more and post them, ok? and could you all help me make them better, please?

I did really like that image of summer being merely a mindset in a place where it's always sort of lazy and warm...other than that, it was pretty short to give a proper critique. Pleasant and short, though, to sum it up.

Yum! that was good. Very nice setting and descriptions. You get a very nice picture in your head reading this.


MORE! MORE! MORE! MORE!