Booty Shorts

Love it, love it, love it!!! It was so funny (and true)! Good job with this one. You definitely made a laugh out of something that's daily and\or annoying. I absolutely adore the first line - totally grabbed my eye. Pat yourself one the back

The only line that was a bit problematic was:

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

It is a world-wide fact that absolutely NOTHING rhymes with "them", and so that slightly - but only slightly - breaks off the whole rhyming thing you had going on. Not entirely though, the whole "hate - ate" thing saves the day as far as I'm concerned. Sweet poem, either way!
Good job, keep writing, and thanks for the laugh!
Ofir

This was great!
A fantastic message given in a very humorous way, this made me smile a lot.
My only nitpick: I think the line "What's worse?" breaks up the flow of the poem a little.
Maybe it could be; "What's worse? The fact that you love them or that I hate them?" all in one line, and it would flow bit better.
Overall, this is a seriously good poem- you should be immensely proud and keep writing!

JoJo,
I really, really, really, really loved this poem. It was hysterical (and yes, I clicked 'like')!
However, I agree with RangerHawk that the lotion couplet should definately go, because you're throwing off the whole meaning of the work. I really like the 'make a prist swear' couplet, and I know this is really irrelevant, but it reminds me when someone challenged me to write a rap about whole wheat, and one of my first rhymes was:

"Fresh baked, from the oven,
Made with all yo mama's lovin'"

Well, this poem really made my day. Great job, and keep writing.
-Alex

Funny! It flows pretty good, and I like the rythmic devices! Awesome job.

Opinion pieces matter as much as youtube videos that scream some ideology at you with a vitriolic sense of self importance. What's the art about this? You're criticizing the entire way through because you don't like something other people do. Well we're awfully glad you shared that important view of yours with us, next time we'll actually try to write a poem that isn't steeped in its own ignorance that's its showing something exterior to the world when in reality it could not detach from the interior of the writer if it begged so.

The only form of poetry this is close to is Slam, but this is hardly Slam. This is a farcical attempt at rhyming which obviously shows you tried to write each line to rhyme, thus your ideas and thoughts become these machine made, half bit creations to fit a narrow drink of water. Was there anything in this poem that didn't fall into pre-pubescent lack of awareness of the world? I began to pity the fool who wrote this because they cannot seem to understand anyone who doesn't "act right" by their opinion.

See your poetry is a reflection of who you are as a person, same as it is for everyone. And this poem shows me someone whose not ready to seriously write. Sure, you can play with rhymes, but children learn to do that at five years of age. Nice try, but this is another example of runaway likes. I guess if you want a feeling of popularity you can keep that bittersweet taste, you sure won't get serious attention though.

fwiw: I like all fashion. I think those shorts look damn fine on some people.

Haha-lol. That's fine with me.
Funny, actually.
I knew you'd probably say something of the sort, so I'm not at all shocked.
( you really should read my spoiler...)

I'm glad with the end product, an I'm having fun.
...and I believe that's all that matters, thank you.


---------------
Thanks for all the reviews and feedback, you guys!
It means a lot.

-Jojo

I know you have had a lot of reviews but I just wanted to tell you that I found this poem really funny and so true Keep it up

Hahaha I love it, please keep writing! This is funny and true.

I love this poem! I wasn't exactly sure what to expect when I saw the title "Booty Shorts," but I decided to give it a try anyway. I'm very glad that I did!

I thought that your rhyme scheme and the flow of your poem worked very well. It flowed in a fun, upbeat kind of way.

I also liked the main idea of the poem. I completely agree that some people need to cover up more skin than they do. And you expressed your opinion in a fun, creative way.

Keep up the good work!

I am so offended how could you I will never forgive this ever you evil person.


Just kiddin' I laughed, a lot. Reminds me of a poem I wrote, 'P.E.M.B.A.S.' no, I haven't posted it. Maybe I will now. (and for the record, booty shorts for the win.)

Oh my gosh! I love this! I loved the diction, the imagery. and the overall style of it! I think more people should read this...
Loved the descriptions! I was a little confused about certain breaks and the dashes/hyphens everywhere...
All the wrong people wear booty shorts -_-" lol It is a really unusual topic for poetry, I guess, but these days everyone writes poetry about anything. Awesome job!

Hi Jojo.

The least you could do, if you want to write a "humorous" simple AB rhyme poem, is to actually make it rhyme.

Your incredibly forceful rhyme is rampant through this entire piece, let's look at these lines:

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

Or at least lotion-up if you exhibit your thighs.
Moisturize, please- preserve all our eyes.

It's swell and dandy that you have, 51 likes. (Your own like doesn't count.) But when you read this aloud to yourself, these lines are hacked up. Like being forced to eat candy coloured glass. Trying too hard to be funny, to rhyme, to communicate a message. So it ends up being rather boring humour and a fevered preaching of something ever so significant. Start most importantly by the flow, it's essential in these kind of poems to make them readable. A beat makes it easy to read, making the humour the center of the poem. Wording and syllable count are something you want to pay attention too.
Them is an awful word to rhyme with, at anytime and repeating it too many times is just sticking the tube further down our throats. This reads a little like

- The fact that you love them [PAUSE] or the fact that I hate them? <- Then this part of the sentence and it's hard to read, you're preaching to me in essay format it's boring and hurts to read.

We'd all be better off if you just burned them [PAUSE] or ate them... <- burn them/ate them. The repetition does absolutely nothing for your poem, making an already bland diction even harder to read.

And one thing that bothered me ever so much was the amount of obstacles I had to overcome to get to the poem. The extremely distracting picture and 3 spoilers that contain information that is generally worthless to me. Keep it discrete, we're here for the poem not your tangents.

Kamas

In the immortal words of my brother: "Shorts shouldn't be so short you can see the pockets."

Many people seem to have an issue with the fact that I "liked" my own poem...
Was that so wrong?

Sincerely. I "liked" it because I actually liked it. Pure honesty-not pomposity.
Not to bump it up or anything.....

Sorry if that offends any of you.

Okay, in a nutshell?

Cute.

But that's about it. To me, it seems pretty egotistical that you speak so judgementally against a LOT of people simply because of the clothing they wear. I also think the term "booty shorts" is pretty trashy and not at all poetic. And the spoilers and picture? Distracting and unnecessary. I also think the 'black woman attitude' bit is offensive.

It also feels like almost every single rhyme in this poem is extremely forced.

First stanza:

Girl, take off those booty shorts.
They're not built to look cute, they're made for sports.

Okay. First of all, since when are booty shorts for sports? I thought the point of them was to be tight..? Maybe I'm mistaken. Still, cheap rhyme.

Those cellulite bumps-they burn my eyes...

Meh. Ditch the ellipsis.

The fact that you love them, or the fact that I hate them?
We'd all be better off if you just burned them or ate them...

*scoffs* Four 'them's' in two lines? Geeeez.

Or at least lotion-up if you exhibit your thighs.
Moisturize, please- preserve all our eyes.

Okay, so you spend 9 stanzas telling us how these 'booty shorts' are bad and unflattering, but then all of a sudden you switch to, "Well, if you must.." doesn't make sense to me.

Anywho, sorry if I seemed rude or harsh, but, put simply, I just didn't like it much.

-B