"Things I Don't Like" by Death

I called that.

Heya Paul,

You make my life too easy. I've nothing to say that wouldn't be praise. I'm pretty sure you're the most entertaining writer on this whole darn site. Be proud of your work.

That's it. Wow.
|Life|

Thank you all SO MUCH for your kind words/critiques It really means a lot, especially since I've had a nasty case of writer's block as well as a surgery looming over my head. I honestly had no idea this would get such a cool response, so I just wanna say thanks!

(Oh, and Death says "hi")

This was so clever and funny. I loved it. My favorite parts on Death's list were 5, 4, and 1. Made me laugh. I love when writers hold that ability to bring a physical reaction on in their readers. I'm not quite sure if you meant for this to be commical, but it was fun to read. Great job here. I have no critiques or real nitpicks. It's great the way it is.

This was brilliant! I'm going to join the general opinion here and say I loooved it! For how short this is you gave death a surprisingly graspable character and it was very entertaining at the same time. The idea of death having complaints is pure genius and i couldn't agree more on #2!

Hi Paul! I really liked this ^_^ I love your portrayal of death, and I'm happy to see more of that grim humor. I also really liked the opening, with the writer and all that. Awesome job.

Okay this was quite possibly one of the funniest things I've seen on this site! I loved this so much, especially since I am writing a story centering Death. This brings in a whole knew aspect on ideas for me, if you don't mind. Although that might seem cheap for one of us YWSers to say, but inspiration is the greatest flattery.

#10. People who die too early. I like how this is the least of his worries

#9. People who die too late. I can't imagine how bothersome that'd be. XD

#8. People who don't die at all and won't tell me how they did it. 'Just tellez me how ya did it!' Brings a bunch of images to my head

#7. People who somehow die more than once and won't tell me how they did it. Of course...

#6. People who die trying to get their cat out of a tree. (Note to those who could very well die trying to get their cat out of a tree: have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree? Trust me on this. I'm kind of an expert on the subject.) This had me laughing so so hard! I loved this!

#5. People who kill other people and then hide their bodies before I can collect the souls. This is not a scavenger hunt, people. I'm on a schedule. Death is a busy guy, chop chop people!

#4. Teenager boys who die early, who have missed out on so many of the wonders and beauties of life, yet their only regret is that they never got laid. So true.

#3. People who think I'm a Ringwraith and that they've somehow died and gone to Middle-Earth. died and gone to heaven... or Middle Earth... Which one is better?

#2. Facebook The randomness of this was fantastic.

#1. People who ask me if they can be go back and die more spectacularly. Or, at least, less embarrassingly. and his biggest issue is... This. That would get on my nerves too.

I loved it. Funny concept. What I don't like is how Death is indecisive about whether or not he hates these items on the list. I like his stoic/angelic character, but I'd feel better if it were darned certain he doesn't like the things on this list. Why else would he go to the trouble of manifesting?

Also, I really think the description in the introduction could be more specific and detail-oriented. And I'd like to see a bit more scene-setting.

Having said that, I love his character, and I love the short scene. I love that Death simply says "That will do." after you explain the scale of your readership.

I also love that he hates facebook. Enjoyed the list. Only critical comment about the list is that the wording in it deflates his character somewhat. His voice in the dialogue sounds like the angel of death. List sounds a bit younger. Thought it might better reflect his voice by being more succinct in places.

This is so funny. I'll echo though a thought I've read above me: I agree that you could have expanded the dialogue. HIhi... I would have loved a bit more details... the list was perfect at the end of it. Done. 'Nough said... *likes* keep writing! =) hihi...

I have to agree with everyone else in saying that this is a work of genius. My only complaint would be that it's very short and seems a little incomplete. I would've loved to see this made into a longer story; but it's still great as it is.

#10) I agree with Renn: it's clever how you made this the least of his worries. It annoys him, but not as much as....
#9) Die when you're supposed to, dangit!
#8) & #7) Though I've never heard of either of these happening to anyone, I can see how it would be problematic for Death!
#6) I've always wondered why people freak out about their cat being up a tree. But then, this also made me wonder how someone could die from trying to get them out. Must be a pretty tall tree.
#5) This was really funny. I got the image of a hooded guy digging through a filthy dumpster in search of that darned body. However, you might elaborate a little more on why Death, in all his power, needs the body to collect the soul.
#4) Yes. Just yes.
#3) This is funny, because, being a fangirl, that's the first thing I would think of if I saw a hooded creature with skeletal hands.
#2) I'll admit I didn't understand this at all, since it really has nothing to do with death; but at least it was funny. After all, who ISN'T annoyed at Facebook from time to time?
#1) But really, if you had the choice between dying saving orphans from Nazis and dying.....the other way, which do you think you'd choose?

First thought upon completing: better get it copyrighted to your name. It's simple and funny enough for someone to copy and paste in an email and send out as a chain letter deal, or to tag their friends in a note with it on facebook (haha) (but really). Granted, just by posting it here on YWS, you've copyrighted it to yourself. Still, maybe email it to yourself so that way it has your real name as well as a time stamp on it.

The opening scene was a bit awkward, mainly on the part of the MC due to their dialogue. Death's dialogue was crisp and clear, providing an insight into its character. Stuttering is something that's hard to pull off in short stories, in part because it's easy to do badly and in part because when you do, you don't have a lot of room to redeem yourself in. In this case, less is more. My recontamination would be to have the MC stutter one word, once. Rather than, "w-w-word" have it be "w-word" and then leave it at that. Anything more could very easily make it seem overdone and awkward, as it is now.

Other than that, the writing was very smooth. I especially liked number 3. XD Very awesome

Meh. Four was funny, most others were pretty blah, but I'm still in the perverted humor stage. No real review, sorry!

-Skis

Hey there,

It's not a great review but all i can say is it was a great read! The idea was a brilliant one and i laughed through it. Really great story

Can't wait to read more!

Absolutely LOVED it. Funniest thing I've read today. You should try reading 'The Book Thief' by Markus Zusak. Anyone who writes this HAS to read that book. Anyway, I love your list, and I can't help but agree with him on #2. YWS is so much better.