Then we kissed and time stopped for a minute. (second draft)

And the second draft:


This is for a very close friend, only I want it to be perfect before I give it to him. Any little comments, even tiny random things, would be really appreciated. Be harsh and honest!

I'm also more than happy to trade reviews. If you have something you'd like me to critique in return, please, leave me a link! I'm really busy on week days, but if I don't get your review done this weekend I will definitely get to it next weekend.

Thank you so much. It means a lot to me, as does this picture. Sorry my fingers are in there.

Jenna, wow. I really like this. Who knew you were so fantastic at drawing? What I like most of all is your line work, especially on the girl's (is that you?) sleeve and the guy's collar. The clothing looks like it has a real, baggy quality to it. And the kiss, wow. Whenever I try to draw people kissing, it looks like they're attacking each other with their mouths. Anyway, my only nitpick would be the fingers, but you're already aware of that. Just as long as it doesn't happen in future drawings. Anyway, keep on drawing, and talk to me if you have questions!

-Elinor

My gosh Jenna. This is really nice.

*Stares to find something to point out*

Okay, I did find some stuff.

~ The guy's lips are missing. I wouldn't think they'd show up all that much, but you can see the girl's mouth. Just not the guy's.

~ His hand in the foreground looks skinny, and his wrist and arm looks like they're at a really odd angle. There's actually a curve in his forearm on the top, by her hand. It's rather hard to see, but the line curves just a tinny bit. He also looks to only have three fingers, which is throwing me off a bit. And the way his wrist is smooth on one side, but has a bump on the other? Yeah, not sure about that.

~ He seems to have a hand at the back of her head. That looks kinda odd to me. We don't see the rest of his hand, just his fingers, when we see most of her back. Makes that part look odd, since we don't see his arm.

~ I just noticed we don't see his other shoulder, either. The way her body is turned, it looks like the viewpoint is at a forty-five degree angle, so we see most of her back and some of his front. The way his body is turned, it looks like a side-view. From the top of his wrist up it looks fine, angle-wise, but under I'm not sure what the angle is. Looks awkward.

Hope this helps! Keep in mind this is coming from somebody who has never been kissed, and who is very very rusty in art. xD

Drop me a line with comments!

~Rosey

EDIT- Did I want to pick this apart? Not really. "Liked" it.

Really good. Like I said in chat, his wrist seems to be a little unnatural. Otherwise, it's good. Keep drawing really well!

Hey Jenna!

Woah, so this is amazing. Really amazing. It's well drawn, nicely detailed, I'm sure your friend will love it.

I think the fingers are a little weird. Hers, to me, seem a little odd, especially the hand closest to us. I think you could make his fingers on the back of her head a little clearer; I didn't notice them until Rosey said something. And the fingers there seem a little odd too, but they'd probably be better if they were clearer.

The fingers on the guy's closest hand don't seem too bad to me, actually, but his arm and wrist look really strange. It's the angle. Maybe if his elbow was angled a little less acutely and more to her face, then his wrist wouldn't need to bend so much?

Also, at the moment it looks a little like the girl is kissing the side of his mouth. This isn't the angle of his face so much, but maybe you could give some details of his mouth so that it looked a little better.

Hope this helps! It's a wonderful picture.

~Amy

Hey Jenna!

Wow! I love that picture! You're really good

So, I'm not really all that good at critiquing art considering I have no artist ability what so ever but I'll try my best here since you want it to be perfect.

I agree with Rosey on her nit-picks and Aqua, but there was something no one really mentioned that I noticed when I first saw this.

The girl's hand, (and it may be supposed to look like this?) it looks like shes either digging her nails into his skin or clinging to him. And you may want that effect? So, if thats the case, don't listen to me ^_^

Again, awesome picture! *Likes it*

Keep up the awesomederwonderful work!

-Irish

Ahhhhhh! I love it! Is it for your boyfriend?

Watch this spot for a review. If it does show up, smack me in the back of the head.

Okay, here I am.

This is so very cute, I love it. But I'm going to review it to make it as perfect as it can be eh?




Red:

Her nose seems too long and flat. And a little pointy. I suggest shortening it ever so slightly, and making it seem more separated from the man's face. (A bit more dimension through shading would do the trick)

Green:

Her hands seem sort of claw-like due to the fact that the middle part of her fingers are thin then the tips are thicker and it is a little geometrical, hence giving off that claw like effect. In reality the width of the finger remain practically the same except and the bottom and at the tips. Also, they seem quite far apart. So thickening them a little, and smoothing out the lines would be the easiest way around that.

Yellow:

Plain and simple, it looks like she has a hunchback. I'm not sure if it's her hair or the outline of her back, either way it gives that appearance.

Pink:

His hands in her hair aren't the distinguishable, but the shapes of the fingers are a little strange. Some are thick, some are thin, some are strangely parted etc. I suggest picking a measurement for his fingers and having approximately that width through them.

Blue:

The poor guy has a broken wrist! D: The position of his hand looks painful and the angle of his wrist is unnatural. You probably want to lower his entire arm and shift the angle a little itty bit to avoid any broken bones.


Overall, this is lovely, I'm sure your friend will love it.
Biggest suggestion to work on: hands

Good luck,

Kamas

I LOVE IT JENNA!!! I only noticed the things that were pointed out before, but this was totally amazing! I suck at drawing, neverthless kissing. Great job!!!

Jenna!

That is so good! I'm definitely "Like"-ing it.

Everyone else seems to have done most of the nitpicking. Well, here are a few more. I do agree with Rosie, I don't want to rip it apart.

The guy clutching here head: You could improve that by shading it to make it looks as though the fingertips are inside the hair. (Get my drift?)

And another little thing. The guy's shoulders seem a little lumpy. I think if it were a girl's sleeve it's fine, but try to straighten/stiffen it just a bit.

Anyway, awesome work, once again. Keep it up.
~Lava

Aha! There you go. Where words fail, art describes. It's pretty! It also has a very intimate feeling to it... the man seems very assured and the woman seems very vulnerable, yet they seem like they really enjoy it, and altogether it's an intensely romantic picture.

With that said, I think it might be in bad taste for you to send it to him unless you get S's approval first, so definitely talk about that before you send it to him. But definitely a nice picture!

I love it. All I saw were the guy's hand was a little small in proportion to his head. It looks beautiful. I didn't even notice anything else until I read the nitpicks. Their expression like captivates you and makes you want to stare because they look so in love. *Likes* (they should change that to "loves")

Elinor! Thanks for being my first comment, and I'm very glad you like it. There's a slight possibility that you're right and it is very, very loosely based on real life people, one of them being me and the other being my boyfriend.

Rosey, I did my best to fix everything you pointed out, though I'm terrible with hands so I don't know if I improved them or just made it worse. Thank you so much for being thorough.

Scarlett, I changed the wrist. Better?

Aqua, I tried to define the hand on the back of her head better, but, like all the other hands, I might have just made it more funny looking. I think it looks less like she's kissing the side of his mouth now, so that's good. Thanks for point that out.

Irish, thank you! The girl in question is supposed to be kind of holding the fabric of is shirt, not hurting him with her nails, lol. I hope I fixed it. It's okay if she's clinging... she can be that way sometimes, though it's a habit she's trying to work on.

Sionarama, yes. If I can make the picture good enough make myself brave enough to give it to him. I'm terrible at love letters so I drew something instead.

Kama, thank you so much for being so thorough. You got so much good stuff, all of which except for the hunchback I tried to fix. I couldn't think of a way to change it without ruining the whole thing, and it doesn't look too much like a hunchback to me. But yeah, I changed everything else, hopefully it's much better. And hands, hands are my undoing.

FQ, don't insult yourself like that! I'm glad you like my drawing.

Lava, I forgot to change the fingertips! I'll get that for the third draft. Fixed the shoulders though. Thanks a lot.

Rina, don't worry, I'm almost positive you've got the wrong idea about who the people are. The man in here is S.

Cres, I'm so glad you like it, an I'm really happy you think they look like they're in love. They are. And argh, those hands. ><

Onto draft 2!

Much better. The issues I pointed out before have been fixed, however a few new ones have sprung up:

(EDIT- And I just realized these are mostly going into detail on the hands. Which you know about in this draft. Hope I still help!)

~ The little finger on his hand in her hair seems to be coming from under his third finger. His hand should be twined in her ponytail to fix that. Right now his hand looks too thin.

~ Her little finger is still just a bit pointy. Round out the tip a bit and show a bend in her knuckle to explain the thinner tip (right now, you see her first knuckle but not her second. If you showed her second knuckle you could get away with a bit of a sharper finger, since we know we aren't seeing the full fingertip cause it's buried in his shirt. Still round the fingertip as well)

~ Her third finger, same hand, has a thin middle section, and a slightly thick tip. You've fixed that from the original a bit, but it still looks like the middle portion of her finger has a chunk taken out of it. I'd also take some thickness away from her knuckle, from the top (around his collar). That's where the thickness comes from. Removing it from the bottom would mean making the finger look pointy.

~ There is something about her nose I can't seem to place. The bridge looks a bit straight, for me. And the tip a bit sharp.

~ The more I look critically, the more I find! His third finger, in her hair, is very straight. Put some more definition in for his knuckles, and maybe have her hair reacting to his touch so the finger looks bent and the back of the head looks a bit rounder.

Still, this is very, very lovely. I love the shading you added and how much cleaner it looks now. Although I think her hair could be darker, especially in comparison to his? Her ponytail on her back looks just a touch light.

(That was long enough for something I like...)

Tell your friend that I like his artwork! There are a few issues, however. I don't know if this picture is in the beginning stages, but if it is, he needs to not have such bold lines. That is a common issue with drawings. Also, her hair looks transparent. It's kind of distracting, because we don't know if she's going bald or not. His hair is just pure white. I don't know if you intended to do that, yada-yada-yada. Also, his fingers that are reaching through her hair... there seems to be only three, and they're very long. Makes him come off as an alien. I agree with the pointy nose thing that some other people are commenting on. You've got the eyes down, which is a difficult problem in art. Also, don't be too frustrated if you can't seem to get it right. Kissing is one of the hardest emotions to display in art, depending on if you're doing something like this, and you've actually done really well for a beginner. Keep writing... and drawing.