LittlePetRocks have taken over!! (not really)

Ello everyone!
I'm 14, from the U.S. of amazing A, I love animals, I'm a music addict, photography buff, and I love to write and read (especially christian thrillers/suspense,anything in the same vein of political cover-ups, assassins, spies, and all that jazz! I don not like vampire novels, or super weird si-fi novels... I like things that are close to reality.)I'm working on my first novel, I'm not sure what to call it exactly... and I need you guys' critique. It begins with a sixteen year old named Katrina (a.k.a Kat) who has everything, but a normal life. Her parents (mostly her father, her mother kinda retired when Kat came along) are Covert Operatives for the U.S government. Kat basically has moved around all her life until she settles in NYC, until the sinister Jackson Vulkmier (a Swiss terrorist/head of a terrorist group called "X" {I love funny cliches like that : }) uproots her family's life, and she has to move to a place she despises, Beverly Hills California. Where the snobs live.... That's all I'm saying...

I'm stuck right now though...
I don't know if I should write my story in first-person or third-person...
I find it difficult to write it in first as I can't show the other characters thoughts...
Here is an exert in first person...

My lungs burned as I ran with all my might through the abandoned shipyard. 9mm Glocks in both hands... just like the dream I had months ago, deaths ago... Beverly Hills ago.
"You will never get me! Just like your parents couldn't catch me! Look what happened to them" Jackson taunted, yards ahead of me and gaining speed as I was running out of oxygen.
"You might have killed my parents, taken the only person whom I love but you will never kill my spirit!" I hissed. Thoughts of Carlisle flooded my mind, how I missed that dashing white smile, his velvet soft touch, his gentle kisses in the sand that final night we shared. I fired the gun in my right hand, missed, of course, I'm running, he's running, too much movement. The demons in my head tortured me "You fool! You wasted a shot. You should just stick the gun to your worthless little head and pull the trigger, Carlisle is dead already, you have nothing to live for. Heck! You are nothing!!" I shook the doubtful thoughts out of my head. I have to get Jackson, he has to die, I must get to Carl. The encourage thoughts gave me an energy boost. I know Carlisle is still alive, he still loves me, he doesn't care about my past, he only cares about me. I sprinted with everything I had left in me. Then I looked ahead from Jackson and the shocking reality hit me like a ton of bricks, He is leading me into his trap. I stopped short, raised both of my guns, and began to fire every last bullet hoping I could just him him in the leg and finish him off later, or by shear luck, hit a main artery and finish the horror he has not only put me though, but the whole world.

What do you guys think? If I re-write it in third I can put in Jackson's thoughts, stop the scene going on and jump to Carlisle (who is still alive by the way).

Be truthful... but go easy on me......

Hi Rock I'm Peanut welcome to YWS! I see that you like photography, I do too, but I can't take good pictures. You should upload some of you photography and post it in the Art and Photography forum. There are people on here who would love to critique your pictures. Also I saw that like bit of the novel you are writing. I can't really review it on here because there are forums for that . If you have over 5000 words you can post it in the Advanced Critiques forum or you can post it chapter by chapter in which ever literary forum it belongs in. It sounds really interesting so you really should post it to get other's opinions So I'm sure you want to here some rules after all my rambling? Don't worry they aren't that bad.

*The 3:1 ratio. That basically means you need to review 3 works for every one you post. So be sure to review some before you post your pictures or your story.

*NO CAPS IT'S NOT FUN TO READ WHEN IT LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE SCREAMING. Also no cht spk. we riters dont like 2 read stuff like dis. See? It's not fun to read that stuff. Like I said we are writers so we must write like them

*Rate your works. Posts are like movies, some people shouldn't see them if they are rated R. But on here we have ratings like +12, +16 etc. So if it has graphic scenes in it that only teenagers should read, don't rate it E (everyone).

*Be polite to other members Keep swearing in your stories don't use it toward other members.

If you have any questions feel free to PM me. I'll be happy to help.

~peanut~

Hey LittlePetRock! Welcome to YWS!

Oooh! Just from your little intro I can see we already have several things in common! I live in the US too. Iowa actually. We just got a ton of snow. This is my third snow day in a row! And since I'm a senior, I don't have to make them up in the summer! I really like animals too. Dogs, Lions, and Octopuses are the bomb (Haha, what a weird top three favorite animals )
What's your favorite music? I love Paramore, Evanescence, Imogen Heap, The Killers, Death Cab, and Rooney (to name a few).

I think that excerpt you posted is really good. I personally like it how it is in 1st person. At the top of the screen, there's a tab called 'Writing Resources'. It's a pull down tab thing and click on 'The Writer's Corner'. There is a board there called 'Writer's Corner' and that's a really good place to post problems your having with your story.

Also, have you seen the Groups yet? It's the tab right next to 'Writing Resources'. It's worth checking out. There are about a million groups so your bound to find some that you like. Don't hesitate in joining anything. It's a great way to make some fast friends and improve various aspects of writing.

Ready for difficult questions? (This is my favorite part )
What's your favorite kind of fruit? What is your baked good of choice? What is your favorite restaurant? What's your favorite movie? If you could live in any book for a year, what book would you live in? If you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?

I hope you have a great time here and if you have any questions or need anything, feel free to PM me!

Thanks for the warm welcome!!
Want to know a dirty little secret?
I just came up with all of that...
You just read the raw epicness of my unedited creativity (narcissism moment ). I'm stuck on chapter three of my book! That scene happens near the end!

Carlito wrote:What's your favorite music?

I listen mostly to: Skillet, Flyleaf, Owl City, tobyMac, Tenth Avenue North, Family Force 5, Demon Hunter, Project 86, and VOTA.

Carlito wrote:What's your favorite kind of fruit?

tangerines -yum-

Carlito wrote:What is your baked good of choice?

I'm not sure what it is called... but it's made by an old German lady... I call it Turkish delight, because it's sooo good!

Carlito wrote: What is your favorite restaurant?

a place called Red's near our vacation spot in Florida... the bestest sea food in the world!

Carlito wrote:What's your favorite movie?

Big Fish!

Carlito wrote:If you could live in any book for a year, what book would you live in?

Either: The Lion, The Witch, and the wardrobe by C.S Lewis 'cause talking animals rock! -duh- Or...
Saint by Ted DeKker (my favorite book at the moment) I'd enjoy kicking Englishman's butt!

Carlito wrote:If you could have any superpower, what would you choose and why?

Quantum power!! Controlling objects with my mind!

Hey Little! ;D
I'm JustDance, but call me JD.
Haha, so you're not into vamp novels? Cool, cool.
I too am a music addict myself, and photography is simply amazing.
I read about your novel idea, and the short paragraph you had. I think you have a good skills, but I think you still need to catch on your drift and figure out your writing style. I see you seem to copy other authors? Maybe I'm wrong. I would love to read more though ^_^

You may have seen some members around the site with colors. Some blue, some purple, some green, and some even red. Let me tell you a bit more about these colors and what their usergroup is for
The blues are greeters, the people who usually greet newbies like you. Tell them the rules, and other basic information, making them feel welcomed. The purps jobs are to review, review, and review! Usually they are very good at critiques, and try to help members become better writers, and improve! Junior mods and Global mods are like their names. Usually in charge of a specific part of YWS. These guys are who you can count on for any basic questions. Admins are 'The Boss' in charge. Help run the site and know every nook and secret of it. Distinguished members are usually mods that left the site, or don't come on as much anymore.

So on that note, see ya around!
PM me anytime for questions, or just a good chat!
-JD

Yikes! I hope my writings aren't copying other authors! I do admit I sometimes take something twist it, and mold it into my own.

What is NaNoWriMo??????

NaNoWriMo stands for National Novel Writing Month. It takes place in the month of november. Basically it is a huge challenge for writers everythere to write 50,000 words in one month! Basically around 1,300 words a day! Yikes!
I attempted, but found myself scratching my story half way through. Boo!
Welcome to YWS! If you need any additional help, or just a friend, PM (personal message) me!
~Classy

Hmmm... interesting story! It's really hard to see which one you should do without both the third and first person excerpts! However, as somebody who had to rewrite an entire novel from first to third person, I will say this: third person is lovely, but more detached. It's good for more poetic pieces, I think. I like the intimacy of first person though. It's really cool and I love to see what goes on inside the character's minds.

Did I mention that I'm glad to see you on YWS?

...apparently not!

Welcome to YWS! I'm glad to see you on! If you need any help, feel free to bug me.