Haiku Train

1245 posts1 ... 33, 34, 35, 36, 37, 38, 39 ... 83
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Thu Jun 09, 2022 10:11 pm
Kelisot says... · Thu Jun 09, 2022 10:11 pm
Down a dark night sky
The small moon shimmers dimly
Rabbits dash all over
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Fri Jun 10, 2022 4:37 am
NewHope says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 4:37 am
Rabbits dash all over
From burrow to sandy burrow
Like shining luck’s hope
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:01 pm
Kelisot says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:01 pm
Like shining luck's hope
All twenty-six pairs finished
I have won your game
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:09 pm
NewHope says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:09 pm
I have won your game
Of pointless, lost tug of war
Over our snapped twine
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:26 pm
Kelisot says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:26 pm
Over our snapped twine
The thin red strings of fate broke
And we have realized
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
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Liminality
Gender Female
Points 61573
Reviews 623
Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:27 pm
Liminality says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:27 pm
And we have realised
the swan-flight over the lake
great loud beating wings


Spoiler
Wrote this one earlier:

Over our snapped twine
the ants scramble in zig-zags
their bodies shiny.
she/her
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:36 pm
Kelisot says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 12:36 pm
Great loud beating wings
The griffin has descended
Roaring with power
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
Quote




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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Fri Jun 10, 2022 2:12 pm
NewHope says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 2:12 pm
Roaring with power
Sunlight scatters on a plain
Burning a red hue
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Fri Jun 10, 2022 3:17 pm
Kelisot says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 3:17 pm
Burning a red hue
The disappearance of blood
Is revolution
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
Quote




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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Fri Jun 10, 2022 5:19 pm
NewHope says... · Fri Jun 10, 2022 5:19 pm
Is revolution
A period of grey stars
Scattered through the sky
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Sun Jun 12, 2022 2:35 pm
Kelisot says... · Sun Jun 12, 2022 2:35 pm
Scattered through the sky
Forgotten constellations
Stories forgotten
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
Quote




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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Sun Jun 12, 2022 2:54 pm
NewHope says... · Sun Jun 12, 2022 2:54 pm
Stories forgotten
To old, brown forest leaves blown
Through stormy gullies
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:12 pm
Kelisot says... · Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:12 pm
Through stormy gullies
My hollowness is bigger
A mind of glass breaks
Last edited by Kelisot on Sun Jun 12, 2022 9:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
Quote




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NewHope
Gender Female
Points 155
Reviews 30
Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:14 pm
NewHope says... · Sun Jun 12, 2022 5:14 pm
(@Kelisot... your addition of my makes your first line six syllables and not five.)

A mind of glass breaks
When thrown to the dusty floor
Like an antique vase
Swan Queen's little sister in-law/caretaker since 2022
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Kelisot
Gender Male
Points 185
Reviews 37
Sun Jun 12, 2022 9:05 pm
Kelisot says... · Sun Jun 12, 2022 9:05 pm
(Oops... my bad)

Like an antique vase
Such a fragile life to mourn
My dearest loved ones
I like Gabber. I recommend that you should also listen to it.

beans
Quote



No, it's not that you didn't succeed. You accomplished a lot, but, if you want to touch people, don't concentrate so much on rhyme and metre. Think more about what you want to say instead of how you're saying it.
— LCDR Geordi La Forge