Critique Shop of Horrors

Hello. I'm Peanut. Please review this for me;

topic45863.html

Please!

Summary; No summary. I can't find one! This is only the first page of a very long book that I am writing.

What I want you to look at for me, well, to be honest, there are many things . Tell me every mistake you can find, please, but also tell me if this is a good lead for my book. I want to make it the absolute best thing that I've ever written !

[spoiler]I know it is a little confusing, but the sorrow and the nightmare are both animals that I made up. I don't know how to explain a nightmare in my lead without making the story off-track and awkward. Watch out for suggestions for that too [/spoiler]

Thank you very much

Okay, I'm done reviews for both Icaruss and peanutgallery007. Again, sorry about the delay — it's kind of a crunch time for me right now.

Does anyone else want a review? I can probably maybe hopefully do it today.

Please: topic47213.html

It's a switching viewpoints short story, so my main concerns are a) whether it's too confusing/difficult to follow and b) whether I've tried to cram too much plot into too few words. And also, of course, anything else you feel needs work would be good to know. Thank you.

Aaaand, seven years later, I've critiqued it here. Apologies for the delay. It's the end of the uni year so work has kind of been killing me slowly. Anyone else?

Would you please review this, it's a science fiction story about a geeky protagonist who inherits a gauntlet that let's him travel to other planets.

post557391.html#557391


I would like a full critique if possible, thanks.

Done! Does anyone else want anything? I'm trying to procrastinate from studying for exams so I sort of have time right now!

Nightly Terrors

I know it needs improving, but I would love a thorough critique. I have some idea of what to do, but I still need a little more help. I think at this point a line-by-line would be best, as I'm kind of stuck as to how to fix it.

Thanks so much!

~JFW1415

Okay, done! Anyone want anything else critiqued?

Link: post560352.html#560352
Summary: Boy falls in love with boy against his religion and conflict begins.

Could you look at everything, please, a general overview, and comments on the characters and narrative. Thank you!

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