Starstruck

Journey she shook her head. "It wasn't fair Colt, that shouldn't have happened. I feel I can't even explain how I feel." she shook her head again.

"I know, sweetheart, but it happened you can't do anything about it." he kissed her.

**blah

"But I killed her." Journey wailed.

"Journey, stop." He said in a soft but stern voice. "You need to stop beating yourself up over this. It's the past, we can't change it. It's ok, alright, we can have other kids an we can."

Journey looked at the picture. "It's just-"

"Journey, stop." he comanded holding her. "We wwill have other children. You know that, I know that."

"I'm sorry." she sobbed

**blah

"Stop saying sorry. It isn't your fault!" He said cradling her against his chest. "Do you want to get something in her memory? Will that help you cope?" He asked softly looking down at her.

Journey didn't know what to say, she had taken in so much. "How can I ever forget you guys???" she asked. "I must be the most horrible person in the world."

"No, Journey, your mind was trying to protect you. Your not horrible, if you put up wiht all the crap i gave you nd Trent for the past few years your not horrible at all. I'm the horrible one, alright? Your not horrible."

Journey the last thing she remembers before blacking out was the doctor.

"Journey, you miscarried. I'm so sorry." he had said.

"No. Please, God, no." she had moaned and rolled over clutching her stomach.

She brought back her attention and looked at Colt. She let him hold onto her.

Colt held her close and kissed the top of her head. "It's going ot be ok, love." He said. He felt the pain of the loss of a child. Part of him knew that sense she never told him about th little girl he didn't feel as horrible, but the thought of a little baby girl to protect and love hurt like he'd held herin his own arms

Journey slept on her stomach that night, she couldn't sleep thaat was the problem. She felt a tears roll down her cheeks. She felt the covers ruffle. She wanted her tears to be never ending, but she couldn't sustain that.

Colt woke up and heard Journey sniffle a little. He moved over ruffling the covers some and pulled her close in a hug. "What can I do for you, love, what will help you?" He whispered softly into her hair holding her close wanting to comfort her and make everything better> he owed her so much for how he'd treated her.

Journey held onto his hand. "There is nothing you could possibly say." she shook her head. "I just can't help but wwonder where we'd be if I hadn't ran out if I hadn't got into that car accident if I hadn't lost our little girl." she said.

"Journey, stop." he comanded. "Journey you can't do this to yourself, or me, or Trent. Repeat after me, 'it was not my fault, and I couldn't do anything about it.'" he said.

"Colt I can't-" she said.

"Say it." he whispered.

"It was not my fault... and I... couldn't do anything... about it." she whimpered.

"Good, Journey, if it wasn't for that wreck, you'd have never come back home. You'd have left me and Trent and been long gone. Once you set your mind to something you stick to it no matter the cost. You had your mind made up." He said softly. "Trust me, Trent and me would've died in two days wihtout you."

8grrrr8

Journey closed her eyes. "That's not true." she said.

"It is." he said.

Journey whimpered. "How could all this happen. How could all of this happen?" she asked

"It's life, love, life happens, we just gotta keep going." HE said softly. This happened cause I've been so stupid!

"It's is all my fault though." she shook her head. Colt rolled her over, he was glaring at her. He kissed her.

"Get some sleep." he said.


And so she did.