I Mock You!

I mock you!
Watch me as I laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Your insignificance repulses me!
Ugh! You are ugly!
Ah! You are dumb!
Oh! You are laughable!

I poke you!
Watch as you are bruised!
Poke! Poke! Poke! Poke!
Your anorexic body repulses me!
Ugh! You are thin!
Ah! You are weak!
Oh! You're a sissy!

I scorn you!
Watch as you are shamed!
Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!
Your lack of morals repulses me!
Ugh! You are sad!
Ah! You are loose!
Oh! You are pathetic!

I eat you!
Watch as you are chewed!
Chew! Chew! Chew! Chew!
Your god-awful taste repulses me!
Ugh! You are chewy!
Ah! You are crunchy!
Oh! You need salt!

Luxor wrote:I mock you!
Watch me as I laugh!
Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!
Your insignificance repulses me!
Ugh! You are ugly!
Ah! You are dumb!
Oh! You are laughable!

I poke you!
Watch as you are bruised!
Poke! Poke! Poke! Poke!
Your anorexic body repulses me!
Ugh! You are thin!
Ah! You are weak!
Oh! You're a sissy!

I scorn you!
Watch as you are shamed!
Shame! Shame! Shame! Shame!
Your lack of morals repulses me!
Ugh! You are sad!
Ah! You are loose!
Oh! You are pathetic!

I eat you!
Watch as you are chewed!
Chew! Chew! Chew! Chew!
Your god-awful taste repulses me!
Ugh! You are chewy!
Ah! You are crunchy!
Oh! You need salt!

I'm sorry but this was HORRIBLE! It was hatful and nasty and poorly written. I would delete it.

I'm... sorry, but this was poorly done. I'm not sure if this was for amusement or to get some poingant message across, but if the latter is the case, I got no such message. I'm afraid I agree with Krystalstars on this one.

Personally, I enjoyed it.

I liked the repeated use of the same template, but other than that can't really give me of a crit (I aint too good at critting poetry).

I like the open ended question on who the person is? Someone you know? A celebrity? Yourself?

The only thing I'm confused about is the last stanza. You can't eat a person (well, not legally) so I wonder what this means? It could be a metaphor (a sexual one springs to mind) or perhaps the person you are talking to isn't a human. Perhaps the speaker isn't human. Perhaps I'm barking up the wrong tree, and you just ran out of things to say about this person that you so seem to despise. If it's the last one, then you may wish to change it - but personally I like the questions that last stanza raises (whether they were intentional on your part or not).

I thought that (no offence) was horrible! It was negitive and really, pointless

Just because it's a negative emotion doesn't make it a bad poem.

Wow, really? *rereads poem* Huh. Well, I don't blame you for thinking that. Poetry is not my specialty, but when I do write it, it usually comes out hateful and insulting like this one. I just thought it might be slightly good and that some people with a weird sense of humor might enjoy it. I mean, it was funny in eighth grade anyway...

By the way, Sureal, this poem was dedicated to Ann Coulter, and she is the evil woman who wrote the books "Godless" and "How to Talk to a Liberal If You Must." She seems to have a pathological hate of liberals. I hate her. But this wasn't written with anyone in mind at the time, so you're really supposed to imagine yourself who the person is.

Sureal wrote:Just because it's a negative emotion doesn't make it a bad poem.

I agree. A lot of my poems are negative and they're still good (most of them). But I also agree that this poem was absolutely pointless. It was funny though.

Ciao

Loz

Luxor wrote:By the way, Sureal, this poem was dedicated to Ann Coulter, and she is the evil woman who wrote the books "Godless" and "How to Talk to a Liberal If You Must." She seems to have a pathological hate of liberals. I hate her. But this wasn't written with anyone in mind at the time, so you're really supposed to imagine yourself who the person is.

She doesn't just hate liberals, she seems to hate anyone who doesn't have her small minded view of the world (ie. most people).

LMAO I found it hilarious. Gross overuse of exclamation marks, but otherwise amusing. Maybe I'm just weird.

As a piece of poetry, of course, it has far to go, but there is nevertheless something appealing in the repeated and disjointed structure (no I'm not being sarcastic) - it emphasises the triumphant and slighlty nasty tone rather well. I'm not sure what you could improve on actually. It's not great poetry, perhaps...but it works.

im sorry but that was not just poorly written it was not the most pleasent thing ive ever read.
whoever you are pokeing at needs to poke back before you become to confident

It's too long to be humorous and too repetitious to be funny. So... um... yeah. And, you said it was for real hate, but OMG. It seems like you're trying to be funny but failing miserably! Like that one commercial... what was it? "Stop hitting yourself! Stop hitting yourself!" Perhaps you've seen it?

But yeah. Next time, be a little less obvious. So yeah. Better luck next time!

People, it's not ANN Coulter, it's MANN Coulter.

Look at those hands, they aren't natural:
http://www.museumofhoaxes.com/EE/images ... r_hand.jpg

Also, this is why I love the CBC and Mann Coulter because she's such a moron:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Vg7IhR0ccgo

Wow, Eleanor Rigby, I love how you give me two reassuring links. One to the Museum of Hoaxes, which I believe to be good site, but likely proves that whatever image I can't seem to access is indeed a "hoax". And the second a youtube link. I am not a fan of the ultra-conservative ideologue, but if you're going to insult a person, at least do it intelligently.

Luxor--


Welcome to the YWS Poetry forums.

You should be ashamed of posting this swill. Look around at what others have posted, and the type of feedback they have received, before posting again.

Rants are fine, but they should at the very least demonstrate an attempt to imitate poetry. Unlike other reviewers, I am wondering what you are trying to accomplish with this piece; it certainly isn't persuading anybody to sympathize with your point. If this is the best you can drudge up from the liberal lagoon, readers will only be forced to find Coulter the more appealing side.

Before posting anything else of equal or greater biohazard to the users, please read the posts made in Squills, the Writing Tips section, and anywhere else you can find that addresses the topic of writing poetry.


All the best,
Brad