I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Valeri took a deep breath and turned to Cody. "Wedding crashing time?"

"Wedding crashing time." Cody gave them a grim smile, then turned to the doors. Without further ado, he threw them open and strode inside.

Joe was slow dancing with a grinning Khalil in the middle of the floor. Cody's eyes turned a violent shade of red.

Joe froze, suddenly scowling. "You."

"Get away from my husband."

"But he's not, though. Not anymore."

Cody took a shuddering breath, visibly trying to rein in his anger. His eyes flicked to Khalil, and pain flashed through his expression before he replaced it with a steely look. "That's because you used a love potion, Joe. Love potions have been ruled unethical, and, frankly, abhorrent for decades."

Joe smirked. "A love potion? How cliché. Khalil simply realized that his feelings were for me, not you. And who could blame xem? A good and powerful wizard is obviously better than a necromancer vampire."

Valeri was seething. She turned to the audience at the fringes of the dance floor. "He's lying! Can't you see that he's been abusing his magic to deceive you all?" they cried in frustration. She caught a glimpse of Wormy and Otto near some tables with punch. "I know all you WANNABES have looked up to Joe for a long time, but he's not who--"

"That's quite enough, child." Joe released Khalil's hands and flared his sleeves, glaring at Valeri. "Kindly remove yourself from Khalil and my wedding and leave us to enjoy our happy ending in peace."

Khalil looked between Joe and Cody, strangely confused. "Josephinzo? What's happening?"

Joe sighed. "Nothing, sweetheart."

"Don't you dare call him sweetheart! You always thought you could own him! But xe's not something you can have." Cody was shaking now.

Dawn and Dusk swirled protectively around Valeri and Cody. "We're not going anywhere until you let Khalil go!"

"Oh?" Joe turned to Khalil. "Love, am I holding you here against your will?"

Khalil shook his head. "Of course not, Josephinzo."

Joe turned back to Cody and raised an eyebrow. "It seems like Khalil's staying with me quite voluntarily."

"I wouldn't call a love potion voluntary, Joe!" Cody gestured to Khalil. "If you loved him, if you truly loved him, you would respect what he wants. Even if it broke your heart."

"So, are you admitting to not loving him, then?" Joe crossed his arms, sneering.

Wormy and Otto had disappeared from the punch table and were now nowhere to be seen.

The crowd started to whisper, and Valeri saw a couple of them take out their phones and start recording. Where had Joe invited all these people from, anyways? Were they all WANNABES? Valeri scanned the crowd and spotted Amy and José, and Guy a small distance from them.

Khalil looked between Joe and Cody with a slightly dazed look on his face. “Cody? What are you saying? What exactly is happening?”

Joe glared at Khalil. “His name is Malacoda, remember?”

A flicker of hope flashed across Cody’s face. “Don’t worry, my Earth. Just try to remember where you are, who you are. Can you do that for me? Joe gave you a love potion.”

Joe’s face turned an impressive shade of purple. “Stop that this instance!”

"A... love... potion?" Khalil looked at Joe uncertainly.

The sketchy wizard glared daggers at Cody, then faked a smile at Khalil. "No need to worry, love of my life. Poor Malacoda has no idea what he's talking about." Joe turned to the crowd and widened his smile. "Please, would someone call the police to take this misguided criminal back to prison?"

"Yes, Khalil. A love potion." Cody held out his hand as if he was going to stroke his cheek, but he let it fall. "I'm sorry I couldn't protect you from him."

"Protect him? From me?" Jow all but marched to Cody, his fists shaking. "Listen here, you criminal scum! You don't deserve him to even look at you after what you've done to him!"

"What I've done?" Cody laughed humorlessly. "You're the one who kidnapped him and turned him into a cloak!"

Joe scowled and spat on the ground next to Cody. "You have no evidence." He glanced at the people around him, then added, "Besides, I'm the hero here! Why would I ever turn Khalil into a cloak, unless it was for his own good? Maybe I was the one protecting xem from you." He clenched his fists.

Cody grimaced. "I love Khalil. You know that--"

"Yes, that's right." Joe narrowed his eyes. "You love him so much that you killed xem and made him the head of your undead army. It's been all over the news."

The crowd burst into muffled chatter.

"I would never hurt him!" Cody's earrings swung as he surged forward, staring up Joe as if he wasn't a good half foot shorter than him. "Do you want to tell everyone what you did at our wedding, Joe? You want to tell them how you burst in, bawling about how Khalil betrayed you?"

Joe growled. "I would stop if I were you."

Cody kept going. "And how you caused such a ruckus at our wedding that my parents and all the guests had to step in to restrain you? And most of all, do you remember what Khalil said to--"

"Enough!" Joe roared.

"Well, Khalil said that if you ever speak to him or me again, he'd kill you. And so you decided that you needed to kidnap him because you couldn't take no for an answer!"

"Say one more thing about my love for Khalil. I dare you!" Joe leaned down, shoving his face into Cody's personal space.

"You never loved him!"

Joe let out a war cry, the crowds and everything except for Cody forgotten. He swung his arm back and aimed a punch at Cody. But Cody stepped to the side, leaving Joe to stagger for a step before righting himself. The wizard swung around to face them again, his face practically glowing red.

"It's the truth, Joe. The sooner you--" Cody dodged again "--accept that, the sooner you can move on."

Joe's glower deepened and he muttered a spell under his breath, this time not bothering with dramatics like flaring his sleeves. The floor underneath Cody turned to quicksand.