I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Vendetta cringed. “Oh, I hate that. Yeah I hate that.”

Dusk looked around. “Okay, wish-granting well or something.”

José gasped! “We can get Josephinzo’s missing ingredient.”

Dusk vibrated in displeasure. “Right. That.”

"One mermaid fang, coming right up." Valeri cautiously stepped forward. A stone path revealed itself in front of the group. The areas on the sides of the path were covered in fog, but Valeri could make out some tree-like figures. "I thought the statue said this was a room? Like, indoors?"

Carter shrugged. "It said it was a big room..."

"Alright, well, let's hope there aren't any traps on this path..."

"It feels like a greenhouse." Vendetta cautiously walked down the path, flinching at any stray noise.

"And like we're going to melt." Dusk bobbed just ahead of Vendetta, glowing faintly.

José snorted. "You can feel temperature?"

"Wood is very capable of feeling temperature, thank you."

Valeri wiped some sweat off their forehead, then stopped short. "Is it just me, or does it look like something's glowing a little in front of us?"

"Glowing is often a sign of magic..." José squinted at the hazy blue light in front of them.

"Yep, just look at us!" Dawn and Dusk glowed and twirled. "Do be careful, though. Not every magical being is as friendly as we are."

"Like Josephinzo's cloak. Yet, for some reason, he still keeps it." Vendetta inched towards the light. "Though, his cloak doesn't glow. Every other sentient object I've met so far has glowed at least once."

Guy mumbled against his tape.

Dusk scoffed. "You're still here? I had hoped you fell in one of the bottomless pits."

Guy grumbled louder, and Valeri sighed. "We'll take the duct tape off you after we get out of the temple."

"Mmmph!" Guy was thrashing about by this point, trying to wrestle the duct tape off his hands. He stared frantically in front of them.

Valeri looked up and gasped. "Is... is that a glowing ghost?"

A faintly blue woman floated towards them. She wore a dress with a high-low skirt, where the front was high enough to see her floating feet, but the back dragged along the ground. Her hair fell in cyan curls, and her navy smile shone in the darkness. "Hello, adventurers. You have made it to the altar of desire."

Vendetta smiled. "Woah."

José nodded. "Yeah."

"Suspicious." Valeri narrowed their eyes. "This could be some kind of final test..."

The lady smiled. "Or it could be the end of your troubles. For just a few steps farther, and you may wish for anything you desire."

Dawn hummed. "What's the drawback?"

The woman hummed. "What's the drawback of getting anything you want?"

Vendetta took a small step back. "What is that supposed to mean?"

The woman shrugged. "Can accumulation satisfy a man? Or is it satisfaction in the things he already owns?"

"A ghost lady spouting philosophy in a creepy jungle temple?" Valeri shook her head. "Of course, of course."

"Satisfaction, I suppose..." José muttered. "But that doesn't change the fact that we need a specific ingredient. Can we wish for that?"

The woman smiled. "Why don't you ask the altar?"

The woman gestured to a sapphire blue altar. A candle stood at each of its corners, casting a flickering indigo flame.

Guy growled, pushing José out of the way and sprinting to the altar. As José fell to the ground, the telltale sound of ripping fabric rang through the air. He gulped. “Uh, guys?”

Carter's eyes widened. "Josephinzo's suit!"

As Valeri quickly knelt to examine the damage, Amalthea tumbled off her shoulder and landed on the suit. Ugh! How dare you drop me? The hamster hissed and clawed at the suit, expanding the rips.

Valeri winced. "Sorry... Could you, um, stop ruining the suit even more though?" They reached out cautiously to pick Amalthea up again, but the hamster bared her teeth at them.

José groaned. “Guy! Look what you did. Josephinzo is going to be so disappointed.”

Otto patted José on the chest. “Ésoj, dnatsrednu ll’eh.”

Wormy matched up to Guy, her hands shaking in rage. She ripped the tape off his mouth quick enough to leave a tape burn across his mouth.

Guy hissed. “What was that for?”

Wormy stood there, seemingly glaring at him, and Guy started to shift nervously. "H-hey. I was just helping you guys get some experience with real questing!" he said defensively.

Still Wormy faced Guy. Guy backed away until his back was pressed against the altar. "I'll just make the wish now, yeah?"

Slowly, Wormy lifted her veil.

Her face was completely covered in mud, with two narrow slots for her eyes. Worms squirmed beneath the surface of the dirt, occasionally sending little clouds of dust to the floor.

Guy shuddered. “Okay. Okay! I’m sorry. Just put it away!” He closed his eyes, his entire body trembling now.

Wormy crossed her arms.

“Please!”

Wormy nodded in satisfaction, and lowered her veil.