I Am Totally a Real-Life Wizard (Not Clickbait, I Swear!)

Valeri attempted to navigate around the holes as well. She kept her eyes on the floor, so they didn't notice they'd reached the altar until she nearly bumped into it.

"Oh!" Valeri quickly backed away, then examined the altar. It had decorative swirls on it, and on top was an ornate box with a lock. "Where'd you see this before, Dawn?"

"Hmm... I believe it was a few centuries ago... It was in a different temple then."

"What was the altar used for?"

Dawn circled around the temple, quietly muttering to itself. “It was either for prophecies or funerals. I can’t remember which.”

Wormy shook her wedding veil.

José gently poked the altar and yanked his hand away. “Ouch! That burns.”

On the tip of José’s finger was a little black circle.

Wormy offered a scoop of dirt to José, who gratefully rubbed it on his finger.

"Y-you don't think it's a funeral pyre or something?" Valeri asked. They examined the box more closely. "Do... do I want to know what's in this box?"

Dusk vibrated in a sort of shudder. “I say get it over with. If it’s awful, we’re all allowed to scream.”

José nodded. “Thank you for the permission.”

Vendetta’s hand shook. “Please open it.”

José looked around and gulped, then carefully took the key from Vendetta and inserted it into the box. He turned it until there was a click, then hurriedly backed away.

When the top didn't automatically spring open, they all breathed a small sigh of relief. Perhaps that meant there was nothing alive inside...? But now there was still the problem of lifting the lid...

"I volunteer Dawn to open it," Valeri said. "They're an immortal weapon, after all."

Dawn hummed in a way that sounded annoyed, then carefully edged its blade in the crack between the box and the lid. They flipped over, and the lid clattered to the surface of the altar.

The box only had one thing inside: a small fortune cookie size piece of paper. Vendetta, now greatly relieved that it wasn’t anything deadly, took it out. Squinting, they read it. “What goes down may never come up.” They sighed.

Dusk groaned. “What is this? The temple of bad riddles? Great adventure, Guy. Really feeling worthy to spy on evil now.”

Guy rolled his eyes.

"Okay, well, does that have something to do with the bottomless pits?" Valeri eyed one of the holes, then added, "I most definitely don't want to be the one to test that out."

José frowned. "But we still have to choose one of the statues... What does this clue mean?"

Vendetta hummed. “What goes down may never come up.” They looked at each of the statues. They were all different poses, some more valiant than others. But one pose near the center caught their eye. “Hey, Valeri. Does that statue look like it’s falling to you?”

The statue in questions was carved at an angle, arms flailed out in an attempt to grab something.

“Either it’s falling, or it’s attempting some obscure dance move… yeah, falling is probably the right answer.” Valeri peered closer at the statue’s face. “So, do we choose this one?”

“But how exactly do we ‘choose’ it?” José mused.

Spoiler

Oop, sorry for being MIA for like eight hours… ^^’ I was TAing, and while I love those fifth graders already, it’s kinda exhausting lol

“The real question is do we want to choose it if we found its descriptor on a possible funeral pyre? Because that might be a warning.” Vendetta gently poked the statute.

The statute reared to life, unceremoniously crashing to the floor. “Ow! Who has awakened me only to let me fall?”

Spoiler

You’re all good! No worries. ^^ I’m going to start school again anyways, so I’ll be AFK for a good bulk of the day.

"Us, I suppose. The yet unnamed adventuring group," Valeri said, wincing in sympathy. That fall looked painful. "Are you the statue who knows the way out?"

The statue glared at Valeri. "What, you aren't gonna help me up before interrogating me?"

José and Wormy graciously attempted to pull the statue up. (Key word: attempted.)

"Nah, you all aren't strong enough." The statue creaked upright and dusted itself off. "Thanks for the effort though." It nodded at the WANNABES. "Now, ask your question again?"

Spoiler

Oof school. Me too :') I'm gonna miss hanging out with you and all the other rpers every day ;-;

Vendetta fidgeted with their fingers. “Are you the statue that’s going to help us?”

The statue stroked his chin thoughtfully. “Define help.”


Dusk groaned. “Help as in you’re going to lead us to the end of the temple without killing us.”

Spoiler

Same! Though I suppose there’s after school for us.

"Kill you?" The statue guffawed. "No. We'd get sued if anyone actually died while exploring this temple. But maim you... well, only if you make a wrong move. Then the responsibility is yours."

"That's reassuring... not." Valeri groaned. "So how do we get out of this temple?"

"Didn't you see the doors over there?" The statue pointed behind the altar. "The end of the temple is just one room away after that. Mind you, it's a big room."

"Okay, but how do we open the doors?"

Spoiler

True! C:

The statute scoffed. “Have you never opened a door before? You just grab the handles and pull.”

Vendetta blinked. “That’s… that’s it?”

The statue groaned. “Listen, let me level with you. We used to be all grandiose and all of that but then some Mom sued us for half a million dollars because her son broke his leg. So now, we’re just trying our best here.”

"Oh-kay then. Good job, random mom." Valeri walked over to the doors and pulled. "H-help me out here, guys!" she grunted. Dawn zipped over and threaded its blade through one handle, then flew backwards, pulling the door. José and Wormy started working on the other door.

Slowly, the double doors ground open. As the space between them widened, a series of hauntingly sweet notes reached Valeri's ears...