The Fateful Heart

Evaline scoffed. "There's no way I'm doing that dare," she said, crossing her legs. "So, weirdest dream... Hmm..."

She looked up at the sky with her brows furrowed in thought. It took her a while to figure out what she was going to say. Her most memorable dreams were either happy dreams, terrible dreams, or realistic dreams that were hard to tell distinguish from her memories sometimes. It felt like it had been a long time since she had a weird dream, and if she did have one, she didn't remember it very well.

There was one that could randomly remember many years ago, though.

"I dreamed that I was underwater, but as a crab living with some red and blue fish. There was a disagreement between the two colored fish, and I tried to solve their problem, but they told me I was crabby and couldn't help." She looked back at James and pursed her lips in thought. "And I may have pinched the fish that said that before waking up."

James found himself grinning and holding his chin in his palm as he leaned forward to listen.

And he laughed at the pun.

"That's wonderful. A lovely dream. Thank you for telling it."

Evaline found herself letting out an airy laugh when James laughed at her dream. It was such a silly thing to talk about, but she was glad it could make him laugh.

"You're welcome," she said through a warm smile. "Although, that's probably the only weird dream I can remember."

Her smile started to fade a little, but she didn't want this to be an invitation to talk about herself at the moment, so she quickly turned this back around him.

"But what about you? What do you dream about?"

James's smile started to fade, and he looked down into the fire.

"Oh. Well. Not very nice things," he said quickly. "Usually."

Evaline joined his gaze towards the fire, watching the shadows dance around the surrounding dirt wall.

She didn't want to kill the mood.

"Your happiest dream, then," she said soothingly, hoping to reframe the question.

James really really wished he could answer that question honestly. He wished he had happy dreams often, or at all, but he couldn't think of anything. He could only ever remember having nightmares.

That was, except for... the hugs.

But those weren't dreams, were they? They were memories. Almost. But they weren't exactly happy, because they involved Evaline being sad. They just weren't stressful or terrifying. It was a low bar.

"Ah..." he trailed off and looked into the fire, trying very hard not to make eye contact or reveal too much with his expression. He knew she couldn't possibly read his mind, but he didn't know how to put it into words. Frankly, he didn't think he should.

In any other situation, he would just lie and make something up.

If this had been even a week or two ago, he might've. But he felt like that would only be a step backward at this point.

But what was he supposed to say? That he never had happy dreams? That was the quickest way to kill the mood.

"... I had a dream with you in it," he finally said quietly. "We were fine. And it wasn't scary. That one was nice."

The words sunk slowly, at first.

And then it hit her all at once.

The thoughts came in rapid fire as she looked up wide-eyed to attempt to read his usual unreadable expression.

Did James dream the rest of the lost memories after all? When? Recently? All those days ago? Weeks ago? Was this his way of revealing that he knew to her? Or did he not dream it at all? But if he didn't dream that at all, then that would mean... that would mean that... he admitted that his happiest dream was with her?

Either thought made an abundance of heat travel to her face, and she started to feel lightheaded. She usually did a good job trying to hide embarrassing moments, but this caught her so off guard, she couldn't hide being flustered.

"You—I—oh," was all she managed to spit out as she quickly turned her head away with her hand on her cheek, trying to desorb the warmth. "That—that sounds... I, I mean, I'm glad you had a happy... dream. Even if I... you... I..."

Words were failing her as her brain seemed to forget how to talk. She had no idea no idea what to say and if she wanted to know whether he was referencing the lost memories or an actual legit happy dream he had of her.

She wished he could just write this all down in a note and send her off in isolation for a bit while she processed which possible truth it may be.

James stared at Evaline as she started to stutter and turn away. He didn't realize how saying what he said - without the context he knew - could be taken a number of ways until he saw her face flush with embarrassment. That is, before she hid it.

Oh gods. How was he going to explain it without explaining too much?

"I can't really remember a lot of dreams, for the record," he said, trying to keep his voice calm. Composed. Even though he could feel his face starting to burn up too.

Quietly, only in his heart and his mind, he grabbed whatever emotion that was and he stuffed it down. Way down.

"So it's really only recent ones that come to mind. And I usually dream about things relevant to my current situation, and you're the person I've been spending all of my time with lately," he explained. "So, naturally, the happiest dream I can remember is with you. And it wasn't anything weird."

Evaline was still staring off to the side, only able to see the shadows of the flickering flames while she did her best to control her emotions. It was bad enough that James saw how flustered she looked right now, and the thought of him even seeing her like this was making her even more flustered.

Deep breath in, deep breath out.

It wasn't what she thought it was. James just didn't really remember a lot of dreams. His reference point was off, or at least, different than hers. Maybe a dream that wasn't a nightmare was a happy dream, and his timeframe of what would be considered his 'happiest' dream was only short-term. It wasn't what she thought it was at all.

There were so many questions she could ask. What did he dream about? Was it the lost memories? Or was it something small, and she just happened to be in it? Or something more?

But she didn't want to think of these things and continue to fall into the pit of embarrassment and awkwardness. So still turned around, she instead said—

"You don't remember having a happy dream at all, even when you were young? Maybe you don't remember the details, but surely you must have remembered it being pleasant."

James glanced down at the ground.

"... I'm sure I did have good dreams," he said. "At some point. I just don't remember them anymore."

Evaline only brought up the question of happy dreams to lighten the mood, but it appeared that she had accidentally killed it in a more horrific manner.

The embarrassment was starting to fade, but she could still feel the lingering warmth on her cheeks. She wasn't ready to make eye contact just yet.

"I'm sorry," she said softly, focusing her energy to empathize with him instead. "I don't usually have good dreams either, but I still remember the few times I did."

She paused.

"It sounds sad, not being able to remember things like that."

James forced a small smile and shrugged, even if Evaline wasn't looking.

"It's okay," he said. "I remember plenty of other things."

Evaline had to take some moments to gather the courage. It took some time to find it beneath the mix of emotions she was currently swimming through, but when she did, she bit down on it and didn't let go.

She had to know.

She had to know if James, somehow, had the ability to remember all the memories she could undo.

"The dream you had of me," she said slowly, still averting her eyes. "Is this something I would remember too?"

James looked at her. He noticed how she still wouldn't meet his gaze. How she was still embarrassed, and, possibly ashamed. He didn't know.

A part of him wished he hadn't said anything. But... this probably would have to come out eventually, wouldn't it?

"Yes," he said quietly.

It should feel liberating to hear him admit that he remembered too. She had always suspected this possibility ever since he told her he dreamt of the encounter with Butch, but it was just that: a possibility.

And it didn't feel liberating at all to finally know the truth.

It felt... smothering.

But she still had to know.

Did he remember everything? All the memories?

And most importantly—

Will he remember any future lost memories from here on out?

She needed to know. This question had always been on the back of her mind, but she had been avoiding it by not asking altogether. And obviously, he wouldn't know the answer to what would happen in the future, but if he remembered everything she did, then she had to assume that this will happen again in the future.

And she didn't want James to remember anything horrific again. She will have to be more careful on her timing.

"Before Butch? And also, the last round of the game?" she asked softly, still looking off to the side with her hand covering half her face. It was easier to discuss these things when she couldn't read his face.