The Fateful Heart

James came to a stop, and Elliot slowed to a stop behind him. He met Evaline's eyes, and then looked behind her, scanning the area.

"Can it wait until we know we won't stumble into goblins?"

She wanted to say no, but James was right. Unfortunately.

"How long will that take?" she asked, suspicious that he was only trying to weasel out of this conversation. "You know what, never mind. We'll walk and talk."

That’s what they had already been doing, but James had a feeling he knew what Evaline wanted to talk about.

“Alright,” he agreed, getting moving again.

“What is it?”

Evaline walked alongside James this time, but somehow, it was harder to talk to him when she wasn't staring at the back of his head. Her furrowed eyes squinted in the distance like she were trying to find the words in front of her.

"I know we've been traveling together the past month. And it's been great. Really."

She wanted to offer a small smile to show her sincerity, but she didn't have the courage to look at him knowing what she was going to say next.

"But when will we follow the note?"

The words hung in the air, and she tried to think of more things to say.

"I know I said we don't have to follow the note's demands and we can come up with our own terms, but we haven't exactly talked about it since then. And, well, I figured you don't want me around asking you questions forever."

After how gracelessly she asked him her previous question, James was surprised by how tactfully Evaline brought up her concerns.

James had expected her to bring up the note. To bring up the only way they knew she would be able to get home. The gamble they were making with fate, delaying the inevitable, refusing its terms, betting her security on the lack of a time restraint.

It had been nice, pretending it didn't exist. Pretending they were just two friends, traveling. But they couldn't deny the reality forever.

He was a wanted man, and she was a stranger to his world. She was from a different place, a different time, and a different history - and though his heart said differently, she didn't really belong here. Not really.

But maybe that wasn't the entirely true. Whatever they wanted to call it - magic, fate, destiny, some all-knowing powerful being - it brought her here for a reason.

Opening up. Of all things. And James felt like he knew opening up to the degree the note seemed to require could result in one of two things: either their friendship would be strengthened, or things would very, very quickly fall apart.

But... either way she would go home. He wasn't sure which fate he preferred. But that was something he had no control over. Not if he truly gave himself to the process.

He felt a pang of guilt for how long he delayed his response. Evaline was clearly nervous to even bring it up, and his silence probably sent a different message than he meant to.

He... didn't know if he wanted her to go home. But that was a selfish, selfish thought. He shouldn't be the one to make that decision, and yet, a part of her fate rested in his hands. The longer he kept his heart closed, the longer he kept her here.

But she wasn't really opening up either.

How would they come to a mutual agreement if they both were too afraid what needed to be done? At some point, they would have to rip off the proverbial bandage and just deal with whatever consequences followed. Unless... she wanted to stay here forever.

But forever wasn't possible with him. Death was coming for him quickly, and he didn't want her to get caught up in that again.

Maybe... it would be better to do his part quickly. So she could just go home. But would she even be safer there?

There were so many unknowns.

It was giving him a headache.

He found his pace slowing, though not to a complete stop.

"I'm sorry," he apologized, realizing he'd been caught up in his head for far too long.

"I'm just... thinking. Through our options. We will have to open up eventually, and it will have to be mutual. I am... willing to start the process."

Was that only partially true? Maybe. He was getting there. On his way to being willing. Maybe.

"But I think it matters more how you want to go about it. I'm not the one who's been estranged from their home. All of this affects you more than it does me. I will always be at home on Nye, and I know what life is like here. It's comfortable to me. But you, you'll be learning for a while, if you do desire to take this slow. But at the end of all of that, you'll return home."

He paused with a deep breath, trying to keep the pace.

"I guess what I'm trying to say is, I don't know. When we do follow the note, we have to do it together."

He looked over at her, finally attempting to make eye contact.

"Otherwise, it won't work. And I wouldn't want to do it any other way. Both of us have to be all in or I don't want it."

James was quiet far too long, and the silence felt like it lasted longer than it did.

Evaline briefly panicked, wondering if maybe her impulsive decision to act on the "it felt like the right moment" feeling was the wrong move. Maybe talking about the note was the wrong move altogether. Maybe this was just supposed to happen naturally, day by day. Was it? She didn't know!

And she realized, finally: she didn't really know what she wanted. For the first time in her life, she felt like her future was one big, blurry question mark.

Of course she had to return to Earth. Of course she did. She was obligated to. Right?

But the future there was uncertain as well. She remembered the days leading up to her sudden appearance in Nye. There was a gradual build- up of desperation, and fear, and dread.

And she had to wonder, strategically, which of the two worlds she would fare better in: Nye or Earth?

She didn't know. She really didn't.

But there were other aspects to be considered as well. James was a good friend. Although they only really knew each other for a month, it felt longer because they practically spent every waking minute with one another. She wasn't sure she'd want to openly admit this out loud, but she would really miss him if she... or he... left. Evaline had never been good at detaching herself from people she cared about. It was easier to shut people away to begin with than to let them in and later erase them from your life.

But she also knew, at the back of her mind, that she had more of a role to fill than a friend. She was looking out for him, undoing anything bad that may come his way. And she really didn't mind doing this. But at the same time... she had to be careful.

She didn't know what to think anymore. Even when he finally began to share his thoughts, she continued to draw a blank, and she continued to regret bringing this up in the first place. It was more comfortable avoiding confrontation sometimes.

She just wanted to hear his thoughts. She didn't want to share hers. What did he think?

Although James had told her that it depended on how she waned to approach this, Evaline wanted to turn this back around on him instead. Turns out, she didn't really need to try hard to make that happen.

She frowned and turned to meet his eyes. "I agree that we would have to do this together," she said slowly, this time trying to be deliberate with her words so she wouldn't say any more things she'll come to regret. "But what do you mean 'all in or I don't want it'? Are you saying you would rather just... get it all over with immediately?"

She had to be careful with her tone so it sounded neutral, because she did feel a slight twinge of hurt. A part of her hoped he didn't actually mean that, because it sounded like he didn't want her to be around unless she fully committed to Earth or Nye.

But not everything was black or white. Sometimes, there were shades of gray. She didn't have to commit to anything. Not yet.

James took in a short breath and furrowed his eyebrows. Maybe that was what he was saying, but he didn't mean it like that.

"I guess... I just don't want to do this half-heartedly. Opening up. Being honest. Whatever the hell that means or looks like, we'll probably figure out as we do it."

Evaline thought about what he could mean by being half-hearted. Either they were being honest or not; she didn't know how that could be half-hearted.

"You're right," she said, careful to think about her words again. "But we don't immediately have to open up all at once. I actually... well, since you've asked, I actually don't want to do it that way at all."

She turned to face him again, trying to offer a smile like it was a truce -- a compromise between two options and two worlds.

"I'd rather we try, just a little bit every day. It doesn't have to feel forced."

Because she was hoping, the more she understood James and his connection to the note and her connection to Nye, the more she would understand what her future held for her.

And right now, she was stuck between two decisions, and had no further information besides, "How do you want to approach this? What do you really want from this?"

She didn't know what she wanted anymore.

And right now, she was equally terrified of the potential outcome of both decisions.

Ah. She wanted to... do it gradually.

James had to admit he wasn't sure how to do that.

"Do you..." It almost felt dumb to ask. "Know how to do that? Or, how you want to do that?"

That was a good question. Evaline hadn't thought that far ahead. Her mind quickly raced to find a solution.

The both of them seemed like they needed prompting, and although she was secretive herself, James seemed more of a stone wall. It was funny, really, how the roles reversed since the early days. It used to be him starting the small talk and prompting her to share small things about herself, but now it was him asking for ideas on how he could share information.

Maybe they needed another game, but the two truths and a lie game was going to be too difficult. And although it was dumb to admit this, it felt too fast for her. That was six potential facts a day, and although she fondly remembered the night they played, it didn't take long to escalate. She wanted to take things really slow, but at least say that she was trying.

Maybe one truth a day? That wasn't really a prompt, though. And it felt forced.

And then it dawned on her: another silly game they could pay everyday that also wouldn't make James entirely uncomfortable.

"We can play a game again," she said, settling on her idea as she looked up to stare at how the sun shone through the trees. "Maybe one or two rounds every night, we can play a game like truth or dare. You don't have to say the truth if you don't want to. You don't have to be 'half-hearted.'"

Evaline glanced back at James with the faintest hint of a teasing smile. "But that would mean you'd have to do a dare."

Another game.

James couldn't help but remember the last game they did, and how many different turns that took. But if they only did a little each day, that might be manageable. And, at least it'd give them some sort of structure to fall back on.

It almost felt embarrassing... that he didn't really know how to do this normally - if there even was a normal way to go about this. Talking about himself didn't come naturally, and he didn't really enjoy it, but if they were both doing it, and this was how Evaline wanted to proceed, he would do it.

"You might have to explain the rules to me for this one," he said, meeting Evaline's eyes and noticing the smile. As long as the dares wouldn't further injure him, which he believed she wouldn't do, he wouldn't mind it.

"You haven't—?" Evaline began, but then stopped before she could finish. Maybe this type of kiddish game wasn't common or even existed in Nye. She'd have to establish ground rules anyways since she figured he'd ask if there was any catch.

"Okay," she said, quickly thinking through the rules. "Ground rules. We give each other two options: tell a truth, or do a dare. You say both options out loud. The other person will choose which one they want to do, and they can't back out."

She quickly thought of an example.

"So, I could dare you to do a cartwheel, or I could ask you to tell me, I don't know, your favorite memory. You can choose. Does that make sense?"

James hummed. He knew not all of the questions and dares would be as lighthearted as her example, but he liked to have the option to choose.

"What if, say, the dare is something I physically cannot do?"

"If it's physically impossible to do it, then there would have to be a new dare."

Evaline thought about this for another quick second, reflecting on her words.

"But obviously, you can't lie about it just to weasel out."

"Hah," James flashed her a smile that didn't meet his eyes. "I was asking mostly because I don't want to cause myself unnecessary pain."