She didn't want to outright voice her concerns of what this could mean for her and for him, and she didn't want to go into the specifics of those memories. He was right: they were happy memories, although happy was a strong word. It was more... bittersweet. Delicate. Vulnerable.
She wondered how long James had known. She didn't want to ask.
The silence lingered in the air.
Think of something to say. Anything.
"I've never met anyone who could remember," she finally said, dropping her hands and turning back towards him, but staring at the ground. She couldn't bring herself to meet his eyes.
"And I don't know what this means in the future. But..."
She briefly closed her eyes and took a deep breath. Inhale... exhale...
With the last shred of courage she had to say the words she wanted to say, she finally looked up at him with steely eyes.
"But I'll try to prevent any more nightmares. For you."
James wasn't quite sure what Evaline meant by that.
He was still trying to understand her power, and there were things he didn't know. If this happening - him, remembering it all in dreams - was new, he could understand why it was scary or intimidating. It made it impossible for her to keep it all to herself. Because, well... he had a feeling that's what she normally did.
But how would she prevent nightmares like this?
He met her eyes, trying to discern what was going on behind them. Her expression was hardened, and her decision was made. He didn't think any amount of persuasion would change it, not that he even had an argument to counter it.
Of course, he didn't want anything bad to happen to either of them. But there would always be things that they couldn't anticipate. And if he remembered clearly, she couldn't really control her power that much. It was triggered by strong emotions. Controlling emotions in the heat of a moment could be hard.
"Evaline..." he started, trying to figure out how to even respond. "You know I don't blame you for it... right?"
It didn't even occur to her that he may think she felt immense guilt, although to be fair, she did at the beginning. But she was past this now. Weeks have passed since that happened as well as when he admitted that he was having nightmares of dying.
Of course Evaline still felt a little guilt. But this was beyond her control, and if anything, she was more angry that James was cursed with this ability instead.
"No. No, I know," she said, shaking her head. "That's not what I meant."
She looked away briefly to try to find the right words in the air before returning her gaze at him, this time with less confidence.
"When I go back in time, all actions that happened in that timeline don't matter anymore. It's like they never happened. But if you're able to remember everything... that changes things."
She hesitated before continuing. "So if I have to do this again, I'll do my best to make sure that nothing horrific happens to any of the timelines."
"I - I mean, I appreciate it. But - I don't feel like you should feel responsible if something horrific comes. Sometimes things just happen, and we don't have control over it."
Admitting her decision to offer thinly-veiled protection was supposed to be her moment of confidence and assurance, but it occurred to her that James wasn't fully understanding what she was talking about. And it occurred to her again that she mislead him about her abilities, all those days ago.
Evaline was tempted to just blurt out all her honest thoughts, but she had to hold back. She had to be more strategic.
"You once asked me if I had purposefully reversed the memory of the... night on the field. I said no, but I didn't lie. That was true."
She nervously shifted her gaze into the fire as she could already feel the anxiety creep up at the back of her throat. Why had she already used up all the remaining bits of confidence and courage for today?
"But it doesn't mean that every instance is like that."
She paused again, at this point deciding to just up and confess. This is what it meant to open your heart, right? Say things strangers didn't need to know?
Evaline found herself facepalming from frustration. This was not supposed to be a difficult thing to understand.
"No," she said, rubbing two fingers on forehead like she was trying to undo an incoming headache. "It works the same way here, I'm pretty sure. But I can't confirm this. It has only happened twice."
James tilted his head to the side (still squinting) and raised his brows a little bit.
He could tell she was frustrated, but he was just trying to understand. It wasn't his fault wrapping his mind around a completely new concept was a little difficult.
"Okay. So usually you're able to control your power and undo moments in time on purpose, but out of the last two times since you've been on Nye, one was survival instinct so we didn't die, and one was an accident because... you felt strong emotions?"
"I feel like I get that," James said. "But I remember you saying you had to feel strong emotions in any given moment to undo it. Or, it's triggered by strong emotions. Right? Am I remembering that right?"
"Yes," Evaline said halfway through gritted teeth, trying to not let the frustration and annoyance show in her voice. "That's right."
James just wanted to understand, but she didn't want to give every single detail away. Why can't he just move on and accept that she'll look out for him?
"And that has been the case so far. But strong emotions can be controlled, sometimes."
