ziggiefred

Hello there Alright, I will be honest. I was kind of distracted with your dialogue, or whatever. It was very...off. Maybe it's because everything was happening so fast. You did ...

Hello there I will be honest, I felt that there was a little story telling going on...on some parts. There was a lack of connection and suspense (but that's just ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS :) ! I agree with some of the corrections night owl made. I think this is a pretty good story, a little dark at ...

Hello there I will just base my opinion on what I read here as I've not read the previous chapters, and I've no idea what's going on. Okay, so the ...

Hello there prism180. This is an excellent, deep beginning. I loved the wise words behind it, and the build up with anticipation along with the suspense. It really makes me ...

Hello there There is nothing wrong with your ending, it gives the poem a raw edge. See how I move? I am not a fan of the question mark in ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! I liked the title of the poem, it's "daring". There was one part in the poem which I think is an error Will it ...

Hello there But are they really? For the life of the New World began like all of ours. Corruption held no residence, and the hills ... abundant with the golden ...

Hello there First of all, cool name! Now, back to the subject; I felt that your poem was a bit overly dramatic. In sickness and in health you were there. ...

Hello there buublewrapped has already touched a lot on what I wanted to comment on. I think though that you pretty much executed this well. I had a problem with ...

Hello there Well, I really didn't like this very much mostly because of the lack of connection within it. There was no emotion and it was just bland. Besides that ...

Hello there This is an adorable, sweet poem. I liked the imagery in everything In a fortress of shoots, leaves, and amethyst, Far away from the deceit of night and ...

Hello there I think that this piece needs a lot of work. Rubberduck has already correct one part I thought needed some help. I was able to buy a car, ...

Hello there I will have to agree with storyweaver on the narrating part. It felt as if I was reading a story instead of a poem. But don't worry about ...

Hello there Wow, I love this, all of it and it's all because of the way you write. I loved the way you expressed situations and the way you described ...