This is the first of several sections of my prologue from my novel, Impulse. The setting resides in a mid-apocalyptic world, where constant use of Earth's resources have left the world dry and barren. Any comments or tips are greatly appreciated.
It's kind of funny. Man has always wanted, but has never really worked to get. Man consumes until there is nothing left but the shell of what was and what had been. It's like an infant in a mothers womb, feeding and leeching off of another, while the only thing it offers in return is constant pain and suffering. Since the beginning of time men have fed on the three basic principles: take, use, and move on. Because of that choice, we have left the world torn, desolate, and drained of all esscence of anything you would call a home.
Now we struggle to survive, desperately clinging on to what we barely even have. It's such a shame though, haha; Mankind, at the tip of the biological empire now reverted back to its primal roots. We landed a man on the moon, we've conquered every continent and country on the globe, created cures to our most deadly diseases...only to turn into the very thing that we took thousands of years to progress from. Many people talk about war. Hahaha, what do you mean war? This is more devastating that any war we could ever imagine.
People have become savages, empty carcasses of what they use to be. Eat or be eaten, the hunter had become the hunted. Trust no one, target all is the only motivation that has kept me sane in this man-made hell. To survive you have to have wit, cunning, and most of all a total lack of fear. Too much weighing you down, especially in these dark days, will and can be fatal.
As for me, I'm taking this world for a ride. This is only the beginning, it only gets worse from here. And you know what...that makes it alot more fun. Hahahahaha.
Points:
Time spent:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
Hmm..well this is quite the dramatic moment to start off on. This feel like the sort of narration you'd have at the beginning of some sort of apocalypse moving detailing how said apocalypse started with images of general blown out apocalypse land in the background and considering that does seem to be the exact setting that we're working with here, it certainly manages to work for me as a reader in pulling me into the story here. There's plenty of questions that come up as well and it all comes together quite nicely here I think.
Hmm....well with that particular ending there I am honestly rather tempted to suggest that perhaps this could do a bit better as some sort of opening paragraph or so for a first chapter as opposed to a prologue here. Prologues are usually a bit disconnected from the main story and you don't need to read them to understand the story but rather it tells you something secret for later or some backstory of sorts, but this feels very much like a bit of an introductory piece here. At any rate, it does make for a pretty cool opening moment here.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
I like this beginning! It may be just because I like apocalyptic writing, but this seems very well-written.
The times you write out "hahaha" are generally awkward. I can understand the use of writing out "hahaha" because I often write it while texting, facebooking, or forum-ing, yet I am not sure whether it belongs in a book.
Hello prism180!
I like the idea you have here about mankind!! But there are a few things I want to point out
For instance, this line sounds odd. I would try using a better word than "a lot" unless you really are talking about making a lot fun.
You should start off with something other than "It's kind of funny" because readers don't know who or what "it" is.
I really like this line, it would work better as the last sentence because it leaves people pondering, you know?
Great idea though, I curious about the next chapter!
-Sodapoplunchbox
Hello there prism180.
This is an excellent, deep beginning. I loved the wise words behind it, and the build up with anticipation along with the suspense. It really makes me want more out of this. I did not like the part where you laughed though, I don't know; I thought it was not necessary. Good job though.
Hey there Priz! (Can I call you Priz?) I'm here to give you a review since you don't have any so far.
Either change the semicolon to a period or make the 'M' in Mankind lowercase.First of all, since this is a part of a novel it should be in the novel section. Even though this idea is worn out, I can see that there is definetely potential. One think that bothers me about this piece is that when it says 'Hahaha' the few times it does it sort of detracts. It only seems that way to me because the first time I get that it's supposed to be cynical laughter. Then the second time it's like alright. Then the third time I'm thinking: isn't there a better way to do this?
I only found one type which was in this sentence:
Hope I helped.
Always,
~Danie