Keith's character is a little complex, the fact that he isn't all hardcore badass like some dealers makes for an interesting title. which i swear will be developed more into this story.
Chapter Two
I was able to buy a car, but I personally liked walking, I was able to think more.
My parents enrolled me into a private school because they didn’t want me turning out like some stereotype. I guess I disrespected them with my lifestyle choice.
I was appreciative of being in the best school in the state. I believed in getting the best of my education. It didn’t hurt that I was good in school.
I headed to school around 7:50; the bell to go rang at 8:20. I had plenty of time.
Deon was by the front entrance when I came onto the school grounds. He waved me over to him. I saw his friends tense up. They leaned over and whispered in his ear. It was a little amusing that I intimidated my black peers as well as the other races.
Deon decided to come over to me.
“Hey, got that homework?” he asked as he shivered. It was a little cold.
“Yeah,” I reached into my bag and pulled it out of my chemistry folder. “Here.”
“Thanks,” Deon read over it quickly. “You’re a smart guy.”
I nodded and prepared to go, but again he held me back.
“You never ask anything,” said Deon.
“Excuse me?” I said.
“You never ask me about anything. We have classes together and stuff,” Deon shrugged.
I didn’t quite understand what he was asking.
“What do you want me to ask?” I shrugged.
Deon laughed, “Nothing man, I was just wondering why you’re so alone.”
“I’m a loner,” I pointed out, wasn’t it obvious with my lack of friends?
“I can see that. You’re an all right guy for a…dealer,” he gave a nervous laugh.
I just stared at him. Was he serious?
“You want to be friends with your drug dealer?” I asked.
Deon smiled, “It worked in Pineapple Express.”
I found myself smiling. I remember going to see that movie. It was funny, I didn’t really think about befriending my customers though.
“Funny,” I smiled.
“Hey I’m just kidding. But you should loosen up,” said Deon. “I’m throwing a party this weekend. Come.”
I wasn’t a party guy, though the amount of customers would be endless.
“If you want, bring your stuff. That’s what you could tell yourself when you’re wondering why you’re there.” Deon patted my shoulder and left.
I wasn’t a party guy; there wasn’t a reason to go to Deon’s party.
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125,018 Literary Works • 672,857 Reviews
Hello there
I think that this piece needs a lot of work. Rubberduck has already correct one part I thought needed some help.
Just this whole part I felt that there was not much story telling going on and seemed like you were making various entries into a log book or something. It killed the whole connection with the reader. Also, your grammer needs a lot of work still.
There were also parts like the one below were you kept on using "wasn't" and "didn't" for example
Words like "wasn't and didn't" are informal and should only be used when quoting a character, watch out for them.
I hope I helped a little.
Keep writing.
Hey there.
You've got an interesting story.
I enjoyed reading it.
I think it would be better if you wrote 'I was able to buy a car, but I personally liked walking because I could think more.'.
This was a really good story. I'd love to see how it turns out.
Keep writing!