ziggiefred

Hello there :) First of all A girl has tears in her eyes and yet says, "I'm fine." I'm not a fan of this line. It just seems like you ...

Hello there :) She seemed unaware of the person who stepped out behind who was a girl only a couple of years younger than herself. This sentence is a little ...

Hello there :) As the silver midnight moon shines down upon the never-ending forest . (I really don't think the full stop should be there. A comma is more suiting.) ...

Hello there :) I'm not much of a poet, but I thought I should say something. I really find your approach very creative! I was smiling as I went through ...

Hello there and welcome to YWS! :) I see you've already started reviewing, good job. “Even more so now,” she said, her voice reverberating where her head lies in the ...

Hello there :) Thomas J Reynolds overlooked the sprawling metropolis with pride, taking in all its urban smells, its rejuvenating air. He reached out and stroked each building lovingly. This ...

Hello there :) The smooth colors surround Vira her new kingdom engulfed in light and color calms her. This sentence reads kind of funny. I think you forgot a comma ...

Hello there :) For a first poem, this is pretty well written. I really like the idea and the intentions this poem has. However, I'll have to agree with Jessa. ...

Hello there Myrisha! :) So I felt your story was dominated by dialogue between the characters. "So...you like swirl huh?" Ted approached Katie from behind surprisingly.He was her ex-boyfriend. They ...

Hello there :) I thought I'd do the honours. My alarm beeps to life, startling me out of yet another boring dream. I turn off the alarm and get dressed. ...

Hello there :) I know you mentioned that this was written in a 'casual' style, but it shouldn't excuse proper sentencing and paragraphing. The first paragraph is just so congested ...

Hello Rascalover! :) First of all, this was very sad, touching, emotional, etc. After reading it I felt really bad for the MC. Dear baby I will never meet, I ...

Hello there, Subjectblue :) ...and Welcome, welcome to YWS! I'm clutching my head between my hands, the horrible headache denying me of thinking. There seems to be a mix up ...

Hello there Cammie! :) I'm here as requested...let's get crackin', shall we!? “Trixie, what are you doing?” Trixie’s mother’s sweet sing-songy voice echoed in the room. I froze and quickly ...

Hello Hawk! :) Looks like I'm a bit late... You have a lot of great reviews, especially the one from alpha. To avoid any repetition, I'm just going to mention ...