My life as a Seventh Grade Murderer Ch. 1

This has great potential. I really like your writing style... it draws you in sorta! Now that I've read more of your writing, I'm even more excited to work with you and two others on the book! Anyway, I think this has potential and you should finish the book! I want to see more of this!

~Ingrid

Hellouu! Demoness here and I'm about to give you what I hope to be a helpful review

My alarm beeps to life, startling me out of yet another boring dream. I turn off the alarm and get dressed. I looking at the calendar, I sigh. It is Monday, the weekend is over and I have five days of school to get through before another. I grabbing my backpack I head out of my room. I stumble down the stairs to see my sisters sitting around the dining room table. Judy, is my oldest sister, she is in the fifth grade and thinks she knows everything. Sitting next to her, slurping up cheerios is Jane, my youngest sister. She is a short, little, second grader who tends to be on the shyer side. The two girls are chattering about what they are going to do in school today, very excited. I always remind them to relish elementary school while they have it, come middle school, the torture begins. At the sound of my footsteps Judy flips her head to my direction with her long braid of brown hair following.

“Morning sleepy head.” she mocks. “What? Watch too much T.V. last night, Henry?”

“Just because you get up two hours earlier than everyone else, doesn’t mean you get to make fun of me.” I retort.

“Hey, early bird catches the worm.” She lifts a spoonful of her soggy cheerios “Last bowl, guess you’re stuck with toast.”

I stick my tongue out at her and keep going into the kitchen. As I open the door I notice the weird doorknob on it.

“Hey Judy, what’s up with this new doorknob?” I ask.

“It’s been there for two weeks, stupid. The old one broke so mom replaced it. Some new copper design.”

I glare at her and continue. She thinks she knows everything which annoys me to no end, but what annoys me even more is that she’s not half wrong.

“MOM, I GOTTA GO!” I yell. You don't need to use caps here since you point out that he's yelling it... the big letters are just kind of annoying to me.

“OK, HAVE A GOOD DAY!” She yells back. same here... no caps.

I head out the door for the bus. I’ll be early because I skipped breakfast, but I couldn’t wait around with my sisters taunting me.

I finally get to school after a half-hour of waiting at the bus stop. The torture begins now. I head off to period one; Science.

I sit through the lecture on conductivity, slowly getting more, and more tired. The teacher, Mr. Iffle, did a demonstration with some copper wire and a light bulb. I am about to space out for the rest of the lesson when something falls onto my lap. I look down to see a pink glittery envelope with my name signed on it in cursive. I am at a loss to what this could be. The bell rings and I leave the classroom to open the envelope. I read the pink curlicue handwriting. It’s an invitation to Shelly Hansen’s birthday party. I immediately assume some kind of mistake. Shelly Hansen is the richest and most popular girl in school. The idea of me being invited to her party is absurd. I toss the letter in my backpack for later, but I can’t help but think about it for the rest of the day.

The day ends and I head for the bus. I’m just about to get on when I’m jerked back by my collar. I turn around to see none other than Frank Butcher, the school bully. I look at his jagged teeth and almost gag. His breath smells horrible on my face and I’m pretty sure there’s a booger sticking out of his nose. What a disgusting boy.

“What’s up, Butt-Munch?” he says to me in a mocking tone.

“Leave me alone Frank.” I retort.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“I’m gonna miss the bus.” I cry.

“That’s the point, stupid.” He tosses me aside and makes for his bus.

The buses drive away just as I stand up. I sigh and begin the long walk home.

It’s about six o’clock when I get home to worried expressions from both of my parents.

“I’m fine” I reply “Just missed the bus.”

That’s when I noticed that both of my parents are dressed up elegantly in a tux and a dress.

“What’s going on?” I ask.

“We were invited to dinner by the Hansens.” She says. Maybe it's just me, but a dinner party dressed in tux and stuff on a monday?

That name again, just when I had gotten the party out of my head.

“Why?”

“Because Mr. Hansen just got a promotion and they’re celebrating the occasion.” My mom says, as if it were obvious.

I have a hard time remembering how sociable my parents are, it seems that I’m the only child that did not receive that trait. Even Jane is more popular than me at school.

“You’re in charge Henry” My dad yells before he goes through the door and into the car.

I retreat to my room, hoping to get some homework done.

“You’re on your own for dinner girls!” I yell.

I get my history book out of my backpack and stare at the cover for around five minutes. I sigh, give up, and lay on my bed, thinking about the invitation. Why would Shelly Hansen invite me, the biggest nobody in the school, to the biggest party of the year? Could it be because she actually wants me there? No. It’s a joke. They need someone to make fun of there. I reach into my backpack, crumple up the invite and toss it into the corner of my room. The next thing I remember is the phone ringing. I must have fallen asleep for a while. I pick it up from the phone in my room. What do you pick up? The phone from your phone.. little odd phrasing there I think

“Hello?” I say.

“Hey, Henry, this is Shelly.”

I gulp, this cannot be happening.

“I was just making sure that you got the invite to my party.”

“Ummm, yeah, I got it.”

“Great, so are you going to be there?”

I am about to reply when I hear a shatter of glass and a scream.

“Shelly, I gotta go!” I yell.

I run into the girl’s room to see them running out screaming Burglar!

“Okay, stay calm!” I shout.

That’s when I see him, the massive man wielding a bat. His face seems familiar, but I don’t try to place him now. He turns to us. We are witnesses to his crime. He can’t let us survive. He lifts his bat to clobber us. Judy shouts and kicks him where it hurts. That’s when we run into the kitchen and lock the door behind us. I curse surprising my sisters, there was no phone in this room. That’s when I think of science class and I have an idea.

“Jane, go into the basement and grab a roll of wire and that black tape that you’ve seen Dad use.”

“But-“

“NOW!” I scream at her.

To scared to cry she runs down into the basement to do my bidding.

“Judy, grab me the toaster and a pair of scissors.”

Not wanting to be screamed at like Jane was, Judy obliged.

Judy brought me these two things and I cut the wire off of the toaster. I could hear a banging on the door. The man was trying to break the lock on the doorknob. I had to work fast. Soon, Jane came shooting up the stairs and handed me the two things I asked for. I took a stretch of the wire and taped it to the copper doorknob. I taped the toaster piece to the wire that Jane gave me and plugged into the wall. I was just in time. I heard the lock break in the doorknob.

“Stand back!” I yelled.

There is a jerk at the doorknob and then a scream as the man thuds to the floor. I unplug my contraption and wait a bit for the electricity to leave the doorknob. Then I open the very battered door and look down to see the dead burglar.

Hello there
I thought I'd do the honours.

My alarm beeps to life, startling me out of yet another boring dream. I turn off the alarm and get dressed. I looking at the calendar, I sigh. It is Monday, the weekend is over and I have five days of school to get through before another. I grabbing my backpack I head out of my room. I stumble down the stairs to see my sisters sitting around the dining room table.

My alarm beeps to life, startling me out of yet another boring dream. I turn off the alarm and get dressed. I looking at the calendar, I sigh. It is Monday, the weekend is over and I have five days of school to get through before another. I grabbing my backpack I head out of my room. I stumble down the stairs to see my sisters sitting around the dining room table. Judy, is my oldest sister, she is in the fifth grade and thinks she knows everything. Sitting next to her, slurping up cheerios is Jane, my youngest sister. She is a short, little, second grader who tends to be on the shyer side. The two girls are chattering about what they are going to do in school today, very excited. I always remind them to relish elementary school while they have it, come middle school, the torture begins. At the sound of my footsteps Judy flips her head to my direction with her long braid of brown hair following.

“Morning sleepy head.” she mocks. “What? Watch too much T.V. last night, Henry?”

“Just because you get up two hours earlier than everyone else, doesn’t mean you get to make fun of me.” I retort.

“Hey, early bird catches the worm.” She lifts a spoonful of her soggy cheerios “Last bowl, guess you’re stuck with toast.”