yoha_ahoy

Hmm, I like how you keep it vauge in the first few paragraphs, but maybe it's a bit too vauge? Maybe give some hints as to their surroundings. When I ...

Mmmm, short poem. Me likey! :D The first line is really cliche. That's about my biggest complaint. If there was something you chould change it to that was less cliche, ...

Fisrt stanza, and the first line. I'm already thinking, "Why do I care?" Depressing poems start like this waaaay too often and it makes people not want to read on. ...

Yaaaay! Thanks sooo much! It's gorgeous! *wishes she could give it ten stars* ^_^ You're awesome! *huggle* :D ~Yoyo 8)

Great quote! The line break is awkward in line one. Unless you're trying to achieve some sense of rythm or ryhme I haven't picked up on, leave "down" on the ...

Ewwww... I love it! XDI love the first stanza, but the second one is hard to understand. Maybe it's meant to be that way? But it just doesn't make as ...

First things, capitalize, and punctuate. I like firestar's version better. It's easier on the eyes and easier to read. At minimum, capitalize your "I's." That's just proper spelling. Your rhyming ...

"These ideas in my hard are wringing my conscience" Should it be 'ringing in'? I think ringing, like the sound, is better. Wringing is like wringing your hands from nervousness. ...

" --Tear it to shreads. " Okay! :D "and eyebrow tweezers and push" it sounds like you're pushing with eyebrow tweezers. It's weird. "Today, [comma] I know that I am..." ...

I don't like the use of "settling" in the first line. I didn't know a sea could "settle" in your waist. Makes it sound like a container or something. Second ...

This is really vauge and cliche. We've all heard this poem before and it's boring. Who is the "you" in this poem? The repitition makes this boring and annoying. Sometimes ...

Oh! I heard about those riots! Have you heard about the Australian emo and scene kids fighting too? Pathetic stuff if you ask me. I don't like how it's one ...

I think you need to expand on this. You've got a goo thing going here. I like how the first stanza is, but he second stanza takes you in a ...

Yay! Short poems! I love short poems. This was nice. I liked the idea, and the image you conveyed, however small it is. Cute! I have no complaints! Nice job ...

Hi! Welcome to the YWS! Please check your poems for simple spelling, capitalization, and grammar before you post them. The same rules apply to poetry as to prose. There were ...