wonderland

Alright, so, you have a good beginning with the making of a solid plot line. You need to slow down and describe more, however, you pass over points that could ...

Alright, so, you have a good start. Now you have too add details and description to hook your reader and make your story an ace one. Describe everything. Your characters, ...

Alright, so. I was hoping for more killings. I really was. But, I wasn't dissapointed, espically, with this line, as I told you already “I’d be frolicking in meadows and ...

Alright, so, um, I'm not sure what to say. The character you describe is a major mary-sue, and it's hard to like this piece. I can see where your going, ...

Alright, so, that was slightly incestuous. Just slightly, though, nothing too major. So, your little story leaves some questions. Why would he attempt suicide, and why? Answering these questions will ...

Alright, so, did you know I hate Valentines day? Anyway, being in my nature, I found these more sappy then sweet. I'm sorry, I'm negative. The first two were short, ...

Alright, so, that was short. Add to it! Add details, to make the scene and setting. Add thoughts and emotion to your characters to make them seem alive, and for ...

Alright, so, slow down, and add a ton of emotion and details to captivate and hold your reader. You rush through every scene, so it seems like you are building ...

Alright, so, Um, okay? This didn't really make sense to me, or at al. Lyrics usually have some meaning that the reader/listener could relate to. This didn't have that vibe. ...

Alright, so Your title really got me. And I've been on Unicorns this week, so good. However, you had a lot of detail, but didn't really describe the settings or ...

Alright, so, you have a good beginning. Now you need to take every even farther and add emotions, thoughts of your characters. Now, they just seem like stiff dolls that ...

Alright, so, It was alright. You have a good start, but you main character is unbelviable. slim 16 year old with long dark soft wavy hair and gray eyes that ...

Alright, so that was pretty good. Your detail in the beginning was fantastic, really pulling me in, and making me want to read more, despite your line after the italics ...

Alright, so, you need much more description. You have major dialogue, and not enough description to back it up. Add a ton of senses (sight, sounds, ect) and add that ...

Alright, so, my confusion hasn't been eased from the last chapter, and I'm getting more Harry Potter vibes as I read on. You-both of you- need to slow down a ...