Pure - Chapter 1

All I'm asking for is for somebody to tell me this is real. I look into his deep brown chocolate eyes. He stares right back. Love reflecting back in forth between us. He smiled and then leaned to kiss my cheek.

“What will I do without you?” He whispered in my ear. I got chills running down my back.

“I think you will be able to function. I'm not that amazing.” I rolled my eyes but he just laughed. I frowned and he gently strokes my lips until they pull up into a smile.

“You are the most amazing, perfect, beautiful and sweetest person I have ever know.” He leaned to kiss my lips for a second. He pulled back and I sighed.

“Liar.” I mumble and he shakes his head and smiles.

“What will it take me for you to understand that I love you and that I will never love anybody but you? Just tell me I will do it.” He stroke my hair and his hand touched my back and pulled me against his body. I looked up at him.

“Time.” I whisper.

“Yes that will work. We do have forever.” He kisses my forehead.

“Forever with you will be heaven.”

“Dido.” He said and I laughed.

“Do me a favor?” I asked biting my lower lip.

“Anything.”

“Kiss me?” He smiled then slowly but with passion his lips touched mine.

beep! I heard a ear piercing alarm go off. I get tangled in my blankets and I slam into the floor

“Agh!” I uncover my face first trying to get up from the floor. I have been watching too many movies. I stumble up placing my blankets into a pile on top of my bed. I hate waking up early, and for what, school.? School is always good and bad, no matter what. You got your friends, your drama, you’re disgusting, but free, food, cute boys, and, the worst, work. The /best/ part, though? You get to move out afterwords.

I walk into my closet looking for something to wear. A full length me stares back at me. I look at myself. What do people see when they look at me? Do they just see a slim 16 year old with long dark soft wavy hair and gray eyes that change color like a mood ring. My creamy skin. I never had one zit or scar. I weigh about 115 pounds and about 5’5 inches. My mom says I'm perfect my friends say they are jealous. I love that I'm beautiful and that guys stare at me and whistle. I don’t think I'm shallow or coincident I just know what other people think around me and I agreed.

“Grace, you up yet?” My mom calls from my door.

“Just picking what to wear.” I tell her. I frown at my reflection. If I was so perfect then why cant my life be perfect too. I pick out black jeans with a white t-shirt. I walk to my bathroom to take a shower. I let the steam fill the room as I think.

My perfect self is destroyed with my non perfect life. Well for what other people can see I do have the perfect life both parents still in love, my older sister and brother have already moved ,out so the house is alone most of the time, I have my own room and bathroom, I have the best of friends,Dona and Tony, and I can get any guy I want. Everybody falls for my spell like Dona tells me but what nobody knows is my other side.

I go to the park by myself everyday to not just draw or be alone but to practice to control my powers. I shiver as I get out of the shower. I wrap the towel around me and start to blow dry my hair. I can somehow tell the future with these visions. Every time I have one I freeze. I used to just “faint” but I practiced long enough to just stand still. That’s the best I can do. I also can somehow control things. The weather, people and objects. I don’t like to use it and I usually don’t . I can feel people around me and I would know exactly what they’re doing even though I had my eyes close. I can read anybody’s mind when I want to. I'm glad that I can control that one or I would be hearing a lot of voices in my head and I will go crazy. I had my powers for five years and I didn’t want to tell anybody. I know this is not normal. My parents love me but I can’t tell them this. I'm the only one that should suffer this.

I have talked to many people and I met a lot who would die to have this life, powers included ,but they are not a picnic at the park. Everybody I met, stranger or not, I know there whole life story. If I focus enough on them I can see and feel everything they have been through. The happy times. The sad and ever thing in between. I felt the pain of Dona when her mother left her and her father. I couldn’t sleep for days just like her.

I shake my head trying to take my thought back to normal. I get out of the bathroom after doing my hair and changing. I can feel my mom was in the kitchen and my dad was still in there room. I get my backpack from my desk and reach to unplug my i-pod out of my computer. I take my headphones and stuff both things in my pocket as I walk down stairs to the kitchen.

“Morning, Mom.” I kiss her cheek as I pass her.

“Morning, Gracie. Breakfast?”

“No thank you. Ill just get something in Tony’s house.” I skip pass her again to kiss her cheek again goodbye.

“Have a nice day today!” she says as I walk out the front door.

“Bye, Mom! Love you!” I close the door behind me and skip to Tony’s house across the street. I knock three time and then I freeze. I wasn’t having a vision but I felt somebody staring at me. Chills run through my spine and I felt myself getting cold. My heart raced fast as I felt danger. I also felt tony in front of the door. I composed my face so he won’t see my scared face. I took a deep breath and then I faced Tony.

“Hey, Gracie.” I smiled at him. A real one this time because I felt the stare disappear. He answered the door in only his Elmo pajama bottoms that Dona got him for his birthday last year. Tony has green eyes and light brown. He is 5’8 and fit. Muscles and everything. He is also team caption of the soccer team and every girl falls in love with him.

“Hey, Tony. Dona here yet?” He is also one of my best friends. I walk into his empty house. His parents are never here and pretty much he has his own house. He acts like he is cool with it but deep inside he wishes for his family to be together again. I bite my lower lip as he closes the door behind us.

“Nope but I'm sure she will walk in at any second. In the mean time you can eat something or come with me while I pick something to wear?” He raises his eye brows at me. I know he just wants me to pick out his clothes so he doesn’t have to do it.

“Lets go upstairs.” I sigh. His smile gets bigger as he takes my backpack and drops it on the couch. He takes my hand and runs up the stairs. My name is grace and I am supposed to be the most perfect person but I have two left feet. Ironic, right?

“I'm going to trip!” I tell him as he speed up the stairs and I follow behind him. I look at every step and I notice he keeps skipping a step. He drags me along as I look at the floor scared I might fall back to the first floor. He starts laughing. We finally reach the top of the stairs but he keeps running to his room. He opens his door and then pushes me to the bed as he goes to his closet. “I hate you.” I mumble as I hold my head in my hands.

“Aw, I love you too.” He smiled his innocent smile at me. “Are you going to help me or just sit there?”

I get up to walk into his closet. It was organized of course. Tony was a neat freak sometimes. I pick him a crimson plaid button down shirt that fits his body well. Then navy blue jeans that were not that baggie. He doesn’t like the baggy jeans but they can’t be really tight either.

“Here.” I hand him his clothes. “You pick out your own boxers and socks or do you want me to do that to?” I raised an eyebrow at him and he smiled.

“No, I can do that.” He let a small laugh out.

“I'm here!” We hear Dona call from down stairs.

“I'm coming!” I call back. “You change.” I tell tony.

“Yes, sir.” He does a military salute. I laugh.

“Wrong hand.” I close the door behind me and go down stairs. I heard dona moving around in the kitchen. When I walked in she had her head in the fridge. “What are you doing?” She hit her head in one of the shelves.

“Ow!” She pulls her head out and rubs the top of her head. I laugh. “Very funny.” Dona has long black hair with a few dark blue highlights. It makes her hair shine. She is thin and was the same size as me. She dressed with what was in her fashion magazines. She liked vintage stuff and goes shopping every week. After her mom left when she was 10 she turned to fashion to make her feel better. Nobody questioned her. If it made her happy then I was happy. Today she was wearing a light pink dress with a thin red belt. The dress went a little over the knees and she warred it with cute black heels. They were short with a small bow on them. Her hair down and wavy with a small red bow on the side. Her bangs short and a little above her eyes. She had clear skin too but not as creamy as mine. She had more color. She only had lip gloss on her already pink lips and eyeliner since her eyelashes were already full and black.

“I thought so. Very cute by the way.” I point at her look.

“Thank you.” She curtsied.

“Hungry?” I asked.

“Well I was looking for something to eat until you came along and gave me a big boo-boo.” She rubbed her head again. I laughed.

“I'm sorry.” She stuck her tongue at me and then continued looking for food. “Hey get me a orange juice.” I told her. She didn’t turn when she threw the bottle I had to run to get it.

“Wow, you cached it.” She said surprised.

“Yeah then I would have been cleaning the floor or had to go back home to change.” I told her as I open the cabinet to get a cup.

“Yay! You don’t have to do either.” She said getting out a hot pocket from the freezer.

“Pizza now.” she smiled and skipped to the microwave.

“Its not against the law.” I shrugged and take a sip of my juice.

“You girls ready!” I heard Tony say from the stairs.

“Nope.” Dona says watching her hot pocket.

“So you and Samantha” I let the sentence trail off. What I love about tony is that he loves me like a sister. Nothing more so I don't have to worry about hurting him like I do the rest of the guys. Also he was in love with my other best friend. Dona. They are perfect for each other. I was never in the same page as them. They know each other inside and out. I was the weirdo in the group.

Dona looked up from here pizza to look at him. She was also developing feelings. Its harder for her because she is fighting them.

“He is nothing but a friend.” She kept repeating in her head. Her eyes widen with fear that he might like here. Her fake smile in place. “Oh I missed something here. How are you two doing?” She said out loud.

Tony was disappointed by her words. “She is ok.” He mumbled taking his backpack and his car keys. “Ill be waiting in the car.” He said. even though I'm able to read his sadness I could just hear it in his voice. He left without us saying anything.

“What did I say?” Dona asked me. I shrugged. I'm not suppose to know any of this.

“Samantha was good for him. Don’t you think?” She looked at me with sadness then turned when the microwave's ring made us both jump.

“I don’t know. I don’t know her well.” She said. She took the her time.

“You two would be perfect for each other. My two freaks.” I tried to make as a joke but she was about to ask questions so I wanted to leave. I grab my backpack and race to the door. “Clean up my mess, please. Meet you in the car.” I walked to sit behind tony seat. I hugged him from the back.

“Whats wrong?” I asked him. He had his eyes close and his head back against the seat.

“Nothing.” He sighed. He wanted to tell someone it was killing him inside but he didn’t have the guts.

“Just spit it out. Or I will guess.”

“You will never get it right.” He unwrapped my arms and pulled himself forward. I wanted to face him. I know how hard it is to hold something big inside you.

“I think I know my two best friends to guess right.” He stayed quite. He was curious on what I was going to say. I was curious myself. Dona was already coming and Tony raised his head to watch her walk to the passenger door. His eyes were bright and all of his sadness washed away. Everything forgotten. “I'm not stupid. I can see somebody is in love.” I whispered before Dona opened the door. Tony couldn’t say anything but he turned to look at me. I smiled at him. I turned to look at Dona and he stared at her two.

“You two are officially creeping me out.” She said. her cheeks blushed when she meet Tony s eyes. We both turned away.

“I'm sorry if I said something bad in there.” Dona told tony. He stayed quite. He was still thinking. Maybe it was not a good idea to let him drive.

“Tony!” I screamed. We served a little all of our eyes widen with fear. He got the car in control. We all sighed.

“Wow rush.” I said with a smile.

“Don’t scare me like that.” Tony said focusing on the road now.

“Sorry but Dona was talking to you.” I told him with an innocent voice.

“Oh.” He turned and looked at her. I waited for her to say something but she blanked out.

“I don’t remember.” She admitted. She was still shaken up. I sighed this is going to be harder than I thought.

“You were apologizing.” I reminded her.

“I was? Oh yeah I was.” She turned to him with a big smile. That made his heart race. “I'm sorry if I said something wrong before. In the house.” He turned to look out the windshield. We were almost at school.

“You didn’t say anything wrong.” He said.

“Oh.” She said when he didn’t say anything else.

“Wow awkward.” I said and they both cracked a smile. “Lets just put everything behind us.” We were in the school parking lot. I felt this weird feeling that I needed to get out of the car. Something was pulling me toward the main office. My heart raced. I don’t know if it was in fear. Tony barely parked the car and I already had the door open.

“Ill see you guys later. I have to go somewhere.” I told them. I was already walking in a dazed just following the pull.

“Do you want us to come with you?!” Dona screamed.

“No!” I screamed. I was scared that it could be something bad and they were close to it. I turned to them. “I mean no, thank you. Ill just meet with you guys later.” I smiled a warm smile. They both gave me the same look. I even think I'm crazy. They forgot about it when they walked side by side alone.

The pull guided me toward the front office. I walked in expecting some kind of evil creature. Hideous and treating to kill anybody who stood in its way. Instead I froze as I faced somebody so breath taking. He was tall, and had not big muscles but looked fit. He had black hair tousled to perfection. His eyes were black as coal. His lips were perfect. His skin looked smooth, soft, warm. His smile took my breath away. His eyes followed as I moved forward.

“Good morning, Grace.” Mrs. Rose said. I tried to look away from the strangers face but it seemed impossible.

“Good morning.” I told her.

“Do you need help with something?” she asked. that confused me for a second. do I need help.

“No, I guess I don’t.” I told her. I looked at her this time. Looking away from the stranger seemed as if I was going to die. I had to look at him again.

“Well since you are here, do you mind helping Mr. Aries here around school?” Me! I turned to look at him. I smiled.

“I don’t mind.” I looked back at Mrs. Rose.

“Good. See you made one new friend today.” she said. ‘I didn’t think he would need any help making friends. now with grace he will defiantly be happy to be in this school. I swear what kind of water these two are drinking.’ She thought. I smiled at her. “Now here is your schedule. Have a great first day.” She smiled. I walked in front of him as we walked outside. Once we were outside. I felt that I can breathe again but my heart was still racing.

“I'm Robert by the way.” He held out his hand. I took it and I felt it sting but we both still held still.

“I guess you already know my name.” I said.

“Yes, and its really beautiful. Just like you.” I blushed and looked at the ground. I never had a guy make me feel so like….alive.

“Thank you.” I told him. I pulled my hand away. “May I see your schedule?” I asked. He gave the piece of paper that was in his hand.

“I bet you get that a lot.” He said. I started walking toward my friends. They were thinking of me so I automatically went where I was called.

“What?” I asked.

“Complements. I bet you have many admirers.” He said. I have been trying to read his first period class but everything is blurry. I was afraid to look up.

“I guess so. I bet you had a few too.” I slowly looked up to see him and he just shrugged.

“Do you want me to show you your classes now, or do you want to know where I hang out?” I asked him.

“Where do you hang out?” he asked. I smiled and pointed forward. We were in the middle of the quad were the grass was. I picked to hang out here freshmen year to lie down on the grass during lunch but so many people have joined or small group that the grass is always hidden. I always have to get there early. Lots of people were there already. “Are those all your friends?” he asked. I shrugged. I really don’t put any of them in the friend category.

“I have two best friends. Here Ill introduce you to them. Dona! Tony!” Everybody turned but I kept looking at only them. I motioned to them to come to us. they did. Everybody ‘voice’ was complaining. I wonder why I wouldn’t want to share him.

“Hey, whats up?” Tony said eying Robert. They were the same size. They both looked down at me as I looked straight into Dona eyes.

“I wanted to introduce you two. This is Robert. He is new. Robert these are my two best friends Tony and Dona.”

“Nice to meet you both.” Robert said. He didn’t motioned to shake hands like he did with me. I felt special.

“Yeah back too you.” Tony said.

“So Robert, what school did you come from before?” Dona asked.

“I was home schooled. I just got back from New York. I decided to try something new. So far its been good.” He looked at me from the corner of his eyes and I blushed again.

‘Wow, Grace is blushing. Who is this guy?’ Dona thought.

“New York that’s a big change.” Dona said.

“Yeah its all for the best though.” Robert said.

“Why did you decide to come here?” Tony asked. It sounded rude.

“Tony!” I hiss.

“No, its ok. There is somebody special here waiting for me. I decided to come they are going to need all the help they need.” I was looking at him that I was not sure if I saw him look down at me with sadness. Nobody else seemed to notice. “Do you mind if you show me my classes now?” Robert asked me. I smiled.

“Not at all. Bye guys and good luck.” They looked at me confused.

“It was nice to meet you.” Robert said then he was by my side. “Lovely friends.” He commented.

“Thank you. I bet they liked you too.” He shrugged. We were next to the stairs when I felt something coming. I held on to a pole. It was as if gravity got heavier and wanted to pull me against the ground. Oh no. Not here. Not with him here. there went my chances. I felt the vision coming no matter how hard I tried to fight it. It has never been this heavy.

“Grace? Are you ok?” That was the last thing I heard before it came to me.

It was dark and I was lying on my bed watching the shadows play with my head. I remember this day. Nikki was on the other bed sleeping. Nothing scares my older sister. I was terrified. I can feel him near. The man appeared.

“Hello, Sweetheart.” He told me.

“Hi.” I whispered. He sat on my bed and petted me.

“You don’t mind me being here, do you?” I know I was supposed to agree with him. I know exactly what he is and he was defiantly not human. He can control me and everyone around me. He promised me that he wouldn’t hurt anybody if I just did what I was told.

“No.” I told him. He nods and gives me a warm smile.

“Now, did you learn anything new today?” He asked me. I know he meant about my powers.

“ Yes, I been practicing to levitate items.” I told him.

“Good. Ok now put this on and please do it yourself this time you remember how much it hurt last time I tried to force you.” I twitched at the reminder. He sat me up and placed the necklace around my neck. I had to transfer my new power to him. He took my mood changing power already and trust me that would have been useful. I tried to concentrate but I couldn’t do it.

“Are you going to make me hurt you? You know how much I hate doing that to you.” I focused and tried to do it but I just couldn’t do it. I felt the spasm of pain coming now. It felt like he digging rusted nails in me. I screamed even knowing it did no good. I sighed when It stopped. Then I felt a more painful pain as he started to take my power away. I felt not only the nails but knives as I got run over by a bus going 100 miles per hour, as I fell from a tenth floor building and landing on hot rocks. Every bone in my body breaking but that doesn’t matter it just got worse. My screaming even hurt my own ears. Then it was all gone. I fell against my pillow with relief. I started to breathe again. I heard a big crash though. I wanted to see what it was but I couldn’t lift my head up. My tears were also blinding me.

“Grant?” I called his name. “Please don’t hurt my family. I promise I will work on it. I'm sorry.” I began to cry.

“Shh, Grace. Your ok now. Your safe. Nobody is going to hurt you anymore.” I opened my eyes expecting green emerald eyes. I saw deep dark black eyes. They were soft and I felt safe when he looked at me.

“Where is Grant?” I asked.

“He is gone and I promise he would never hurt you again.” He kissed my forehead. “Now sleep. Its all going to be ok.” He smoothed my hair. The blankets fell perfectly around me and my favorite teddy bear came floating over me. He handed him to me.

“Who are you?” I asked. He was the same thing as Grant.

“I'm a friend. Now sleep Grace.” He told me. Sleep sounded so good but I didn’t want to sleep yet.

“Will you promise me that my family will be ok?” I asked.

“I will take care of them and you.”

“No, not me. Just them. I need them safe.” He nods then. A sweet smile set on his lips.

“I promise. Now hopefully I will see you soon.” His dark hair went a little over his eyes. I moved it with my fingers.

“Me too. Its weird but I will miss you. A lot.” I admit to him.

“I will miss you too, Grace. I love you always remember that.” He told me. This is the first time I meet this stranger and I'm only fourteen.

“I love you too.” I said automatically. I didn’t say it just because I felt like i had to but because I just know its true. I love this stranger. He kissed my lips for a second and then he was gone. The one guy I ever really loved was gone.

I opened my eyes and I didn’t recognize were I was or who was holding me. I blinked a couple of times trying to remember. Nothing came to mind. I looked up to face the person. Then it hit me like my flashback.

“Robert?” I asked. he smiled and just gave me one nod. “I-I don’t know what just happened? I'm sorry.” I wanted to tell him that I remembered who he was.

“Grace, I know and I know you just remembered.” He smiled.

“Agh. Now I know how everyone else feels.” I went on my knees to face him. “I don’t know what to say or do. I'm just happy your back.” I went to hug him. He held me.

“I promised you and plus I couldn’t stay away from you anymore. Two years seemed like eternity for me.” He kissed my hair.

“I waited for you to come back. Every night I will dream of you. I missed you.”

“I know grace. I missed you too. I love you.” I pulled away to see his face.

“I love you too.” He took my face in his hands and then we kissed. I felt his heart race as he felt mine. Our feelings the same. I waited for him for so long and now he is back in my hands. When we pulled away I sat next to him. No matter how much I hated the super natural. I couldn’t hate it when I brought me to Robert.

“After school we can go out. I have a perfect place to go.” He whispered in my ear. I laid my head over his beating heart.

“I will love that.” He kissed my ear and I felt warmth travel my body.

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wonderland
Review

Alright, so, It was alright. You have a good start, but you main character is unbelviable.

slim 16 year old with long dark soft wavy hair and gray eyes that change color like a mood ring. My creamy skin. I never had one zit or scar. I weigh about 115 pounds and about 5’5 inches. My mom says I'm perfect my friends say they are jealous. I love that I'm beautiful and that guys stare at me and whistle. I don’t think I'm shallow or coincident I just know what other people think around me and I agreed.


Firstly, Conceited, I think you mean
Secondly, you're already setting up your character to be unlikable. You didn't give one flaw, give one detail to pull the readers in make them want to continue reading with them. I'm gonna assume that this is ment for teenagers. Most girls hate reading about a perfect MC.

Think hard. What makes your character unlikable, makes them seem, well, less-then-perfect. Think of that, and you have your flaw. You need that flaw to have a non-perfect, fun to write with character

~Wickedwonder



When I use caps I do not want you to read it like a little screech, I want you to read it like a 5,000 year old ogre with the strength of 10,000 men.
— avianwings47