The Touch: On Fire

As the last notes faded, I found myself wiping my eyes. Dear Lord, thank you. That was exactly what I needed. Beside me, Jim was stretching and reaching for Grace’s harness. He looked somehow younger; maybe it was those cloudy eyes. I wondered what their actual color was. And why I thought it mattered.

“What did you think?”

“It was powerful.” Even as I said that, I knew the words weren’t right, but I couldn't really describe it in any other way. It was so...intense. “They… put a lot of passion into that last song.”

He grinned. “So did you.”

"Oh. Erm, thanks." I pulled at my bracelet, not sure what to think. All around us, people began to filter out - I could see an old couple amongst them, holding each others' hands. It was a rather endearing sight, and I half began to wonder if I would ever find someone like that. It was then that he spoke up.

"Do you wanna go somewhere?"

"Huh? Oh...yeah, right. Um..."

"I feel a bit hungry. Wanna come to dinner with me?"

I couldn't help laughing all of a sudden. He was being so casual about it, I couldn't do anything else. "Isn't that a little forward? I mean, since this is our first outing and all..."

“I don't think anyone will mind, do you? Come on. I know this great pizza place just down the block.”

As soon as he mentioned pizza, I could feel my stomach rumbling. He grinned as I blushed. "Erm. Sure?"

"Come on."

**

Mr. Gardner was only too happy to drive us. He gave me a wink as he deftly slipped a ten-dollar bill into Jim’s pocket, and then we piled out of the van, Grace in the lead. I found myself bouncing along with the others, humming the chorus to "On Fire".

Grace's eyes went to mine. As if trying to talk, she half-opened her mouth. All that came out, though, was a yawn. I glanced at my new watch - almost nine-thirty.

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wonderland
Review

Alright, so, that was short.
Add to it! Add details, to make the scene and setting. Add thoughts and emotion to your characters to make them seem alive, and for the readers to bond to in your story.
You have a good beginning, now you just need to add in all the detials and small things for the reader to make the story fantastic.

~WickedWonder



Pain is filtered in a poem so that it becomes finally, in the end, pleasure.
— Mark Strand