wonderland

First off Knives and jewels-nice title second off-I suck at reviewing song lyrics, but i'll give it a shot Your chorus has a bunch of awesome imagery that is super ...

Oh that was depressing. it was in interesting read, though. Are the parts in red her conscience? Or, something different? Because, if I'm right, that that makes it even more ...

That was slightly confusing. I hope it gets easier to read in the next part. Your imagery and description are beautiful in the piece. And, normally, i would go on ...

So, that was sad, but beautifully written. That was like magic cruelly drawing me in. Sort of a wicked wonder. (No pun intended. Sorry, I'm in a writing mood) Sort ...

THat other review was just harsh, alright. I really liked it, found it really interesting. Your taking the whole split personality thing to a whole, new, original and awesome level. ...

Totally agreed with the first review Please add more commas. There are the natural breaks in your sentences where the reader takes a breath, anyway I can't really say anything ...

Well, that was really depressing. But, I've noticed, you sometimes take the depressing route with your work. i really have nothing too critical, except, to break your work up into ...

I don't know. Most of the dialogue in this piece seems very unrealistic. Would a father call his obviously depressed daughter a 'bitch'? or tell her she's gonna end up ...

and so? There was all of that, and really, not much. barely anything on your MC, nothing on the setting. Speaking of your MC, she may be somewhat of a ...

That was really interesting. Nice character choice. It was very new, writing from the moon's perspective-mad props! It was also a little odd story-one of those little gems you get ...

THat was reshfreshing! Finally! Something where the vampires actually die. Thank you. Other then that, this was super interesting. I don't suppose your going to keep working on this, so ...

This isn't a short story. It's almost a perfect monologue. You have the emotion perfect, and very little description, which, I usually would freak about, but it works here. This ...

Prologue 2 years ago “Do you think we’ve lost them?” Sonny turned as they ran through the woods behind her house her sisters Jane and Marilyn looked back “I doubt ...

Firstly-Welcome to the YWS. Now I'm gonna tell you that you shouldn't write for us. Write for yourself, and maybe share some with us. This piece was only so-so. You ...

I really felt like this was only okay. Your description was okay, your beginning alright. You really are missing something, and not just emotion. Your whole piece seems devoid of ...