wonderland

Alright, so, your first couple of paragraphs were nice and descriptive, and I was reading, going ''oh, this is nice' and then I just became to descriptive. The night was ...

Alright, so, you have that type of writing style. I'm not saying it's bad, I'm saying that your use of vocab stuns me. You almost get too descriptive with take ...

Alright! I told you I'd review you, didn't I? YOu have an amazing MC! She's delightful, all teenage and angsty! Perfect. You convey emotion well, which I love. I can ...

Alright So, here is another review, with a lesson in continuity. Continuity is Standing before me, bags still in hand, as though he had just arrived, was my older brother ...

Okay, so Im gonna nitpick your first couple of paragraphs to, basically shreds. Ready? Mali led Mitsuko behind the shoji screen where a tub of steaming water awaited her. Mitsuko ...

Alright, I'm gonna take this review to talk to you a little bit for belivability. I suspected that some of my ribs were broken on the right side of my ...

Alright, so I have a few things #1 “Hey, are you sure you’re alright?” he asked running his hand gently down my arm. Logan and I had spent the first ...

Alright, so, as a warning, I haven't read the other chapters, but i could feel a type of lag in the action. THis chapter just felt like one of those ...

Okay, so I know this is NaNo, but, whoa!! Describe everything around your MC. describe the emotions, the settings the sounds of the birds flying over the pond. When I ...

So, that was again, another very choppy timeskip. What happened during those two months? Something must have. Wirte now, its like we know what happens with the characters for a ...

Actually I like it! YOu have very strong description, you didn't tell the reader too much, and that is awesome! The only thing you should work on is your emotion ...

Not enough description, or emotion. Really get into what your characters are thinking, and what your characters are feeling. Go through the piece and describe. What does the hospital smell ...

Alright, so, I guess that was good. I want to mainly concentrate on your beginning. I'm going to be harsh, but you really shouldn't ignore this. So the beginning is ...

So, this is the edited version? Anyway, It's coming along. Our house is awesome! It is a huge, old, stone house and has lots of land in the back and ...

And? That was much too short. Add details, add emotion. The reader wants to feel a strong connection to your MC, and right now, thats not happening. Spice it up ...