Hard to Handle Part 4

I opened the door, and saw the one thing in this world that could have lifted my spirits higher. Standing before me, bags still in hand, as though he had just arrived, was my older brother Damien. I was so caught off guard by his presence that I just stood in the doorway and gawked at him. Could this vacation get any better? Why, I didn’t have a clue, but I always seemed to get along better with the guys in my life, with the exception of my step father, of course. Even in my group of friends back home in Sante Fe, I was closer to the guy friends, I guess it was because guy created a hell of a lot less drama and I dealt with enough of that at home. My brother and I had been best friends as we grew up even though he was about four years older than me. He had always been there for me, even more so when my stepdad showed up. He knew all my secrets, even ones I was afraid to admit to myself, and he seemed to accept them.

He turned to face me when he noticed my mom’s attention had been drawn elsewhere. When he saw me, a warm smile spread across his perfectly sculpted face. Yeah, he was my brother, but even I had to admit, he was extremely good looking. Throw in his sensitive and understanding personality and any girl would kill for him.

“Damien,” I said breathlessly, making sure I wasn’t just seeing things.

“Abs!” he said, calling me by my childhood nickname, dropping his bags and quickly walking over to hug me. I stood on my tip toes and wrapped my arms around his neck as he did the same around my waist and squeezed me in a familiar and comfortable hug. The advil Logan’s dad gave me seemed to have kicked in effectively, because I was pain free! Being on my tip toes, Damien was at just the right height to whisper in my ear.

“Have they been feeding you?” he asked so that only I could hear. Why he was even asking me this was completely over my head because he knew, even from a young age, I had had what most people would consider an eating disorder. This was one of the many things that I had entrusted Damien with, but only Damien. I couldn’t help it if I was more comfortable with an empty stomach. I had also grown to accept this as a part of who I was, and it was kind of a habit now, like a typical part of my life, though hidden from everyone in it.

“We’ll talk later,” I whispered back, then said louder, “It’s been way too long! I’ve missed you so much!” We both pulled away from the hug.

“I know,” he said in agreement, “I finished up my second semester early and decided to join in on the family vacation!” he explained, as he read the curiosity all over my face. He always, even after our long separation, seemed to be attuned to my thoughts. This being another reason he has been my rock since age eleven, when my parents got divorced and my mom got remarried.

“I’m afraid we weren’t expecting you, so the couch will have to do for now,” my stepdad interrupted. He wasn’t completely wasted yet, but he certainly was on his way. The fact that Damien was here, made me feel a thousand times more comfortable than before.

“That’s fine,” Damien returned, with a hint of iciness in his tone. He and my stepdad never, from day one, got along. But as soon as his anger appeared, it was gone. He walked over and gave my mom and Carmen a hug.

“I’m glad you came, honey, it’s nice to see you,” my mom said with a smile.

“I am too,” Damien returned. “Well I’d better go unpack,” he grabbed his bags off the floor, and then began looking around, “Um, where exactly should I unpack?”

“We have extra drawers in our room!” Carmen offered enthusiastically, and it almost seemed like she was trying too hard. Damien answered with an ‘ok’ and Carmen showed him to our room. Feeling uncomfortable, being alone with just my mom and my stepdad, I smiled slightly and the followed them into the room.

“Can I just say that that man pisses me off?” Damien asked rhetorically after I had shut the door behind me. “He’s halfway to intoxicated right now! Is that how he’s always been?” I nodded my head and he scoffed. I realized then, that Carmen was still in the room, so we had to be careful what we said, Damien and I, because she, most of the time, acted as a double agent spy for my mom and stepdad, she brought back to them everything we say.

“Give him a break, he has to deal with her every day,” Carmen said to Damien, while looking at me. My mouth just hung open, because I couldn’t believe she had said that to him. I thought for sure he would go off on her, because he understood why I was the way I was, and that it was my stepdad’s fault.

“I don’t understand how you could say that,” Damien said quietly, which usually had a better affect than yelling, it made her feel ashamed rather than get her angry too. “You know it’s his fault,” he continued.

“Yeah, well maybe if she wasn’t such a pain, he wouldn’t have to punish her for it!” Carmen said, despite Damien’s effort, beginning to raise her voice.

“Come on guys, I’m right here, and I’d prefer if we didn’t get into an argument the first ten minutes after Damien got here,” I interjected softly. They both looked at me, Carmen, with anger, and Damien, with agreement.

“You’re right, I’m sorry, Carmen,” he said after a sigh. She just looked at him and stayed quiet. My sister wasn’t very good at admitting she was wrong, and she always wanted the last word of the argument. This is why we typically didn’t get along.

“So how has your vacation been going so far?” Damien asked, trying to make small talk, as we both sat on our beds, watching him unpack.

“Pretty good,” Carmen said vaguely, and I shrugged my shoulders. I knew I was going to tell Damien about what happened between my stepdad and I, but I was going to wait until we were alone, because even though Carmen knew about it, she’d take my stepdad’s side and it would cause a big fight. I also didn’t want her knowing about Logan, if I could avoid it, none of my family would know about him, except Damien, of course.

Unfortunately, being his curious, prying self, Damien wanted to know why all I could say about my vacation so far wasn’t even being out into words, but just a mere shrug. I told him that shrugging my shoulders just about sums it up; there was nothing to it, for now.

“Done,” Damien announced after like ten minutes of awkward silence. We all headed out into the living room and took our seats on the couch, except for me. I made an excuse to go outside, because I wanted some peace and quiet.

Once I reached the beach, I found a spot under a palm tree with a nice view of the now setting sun. It was getting dark, which was my favorite time of the day, the sun set. I watched it slowly going down and relaxed there in the sand. But I was soon interrupted by the feeling of someone watching me. I immediately thought it was Logan, because he had an uncanny way of always finding me. But as I turned around I saw Damien, and though I was shocked, I smiled at his company.

“I held you to that, ‘We’ll talk later’ thing,” he said, sitting down next to me wrapping his arms around his knees. “It’s later, so let’s talk. What’s going on?” I sighed and started into my story. I told him about meeting Logan and his parents, and I told him every detail about what happened between me and my stepdad, all the way up to getting sick and Carmen staring at me. He listened quietly, but his anger seemed to augment with every sentence I spoke. Finally, when I was done, I showed him my bruise, which unfortunately for me, had gotten darker and bigger since the last time I saw it. Damien helped me unwrap my bandages and his face almost seemed to set into stone, if stone could show anger, when he saw what my stepdad had done.

“I’m ashamed to say I’m in the same family as him,” Damien said after a long silence and I nodded slowly in agreement. He hugged me, “I’m so sorry,” he said as we both sat down, “I promise you, as long as I’m here, nothing is going to happen to you.” I sighed, knowing he was telling the truth. There had been times, when I was younger, that he’d stepped in, just as my stepdad was about to lay it on me. That night had ended in a heated argument, rather than the beating that should have taken place and there weren’t enough words to describe how thankful I was that I had a brother that cared so much.

Damien put a comforting arm around me and I settled into his side, just like old times. I decided to change the subject by asking him how college was going. He told me that he had been acing all of his classes and that in college time just flew by. I was going into my freshman year of college this year, and I was actually pretty excited about it. He also told me that he found someone that he really liked, and that he thought they may have a future together. Her name was Katherine and she was currently studying law, just like my brother.

“I have a picture of her, if you wanna see,” Damien said reaching for his wallet, without waiting for an answer. It made me happy to see my brother glowing with excitement as he showed me the photograph. Katherine was a year younger than him; she had light brown hair, cut in bob, she was very petite, and had the prettiest brown eyes. The picture was taken in a park in the fall; my brother had his arm around Katherine’s waist and her hair was flying slightly in the breeze. A perfect picture, in my eyes they both seemed comfortable and happy in each other’s presence, and I was glad my brother had found someone. Though, for him, I couldn’t imagine it being hard.