She stood at the window, her tank top hanging off her bird-bone shoulders.
She couldn’t think with all this noise. She loved Chicago, but she was not accustomed to living amongst the noise of a city.
She reached up and pulled the elastic out of her hair, letting it tumble down to her waist. Her hair was a contradiction to everything she was. It was thick and long and blonde.
Feet padded softly through the kitchen, reaching her just in time to catch the waves. Gentle fingers ran slowly, delicately through the mass of loose tangles. A warm cheek pressed against her porcelain face.
As he circled his arms around her waist, he was struck yet again by the prominence of her hipbones, her ribs. How many ribs was a girl supposed to have? He’d tried to count them numerous times, but lost count because it always seemed like she had an infinite supply.
She crossed her arms and laced her fingers around his wrists.
“Have you eaten today?” He asked her softly, pulling her backwards into the kitchen.
She stayed silent. He sat her down in a counter chair and crossed quickly to the pantry, pulling out a bag of kettle corn, her favorite. It was something sweet she could eat without feeling enormously guilty.
He plunked it in front of her and leaned on his elbows on the counter, facing her. She popped a piece in her mouth and smirked, sticking her tongue out. And then another and another. She couldn’t help it. His warm brown eyes melted her, wrapped her up in blankets and blankets and warm pillows and honey and milk and cookies.
His eyes fell on her wrists, wrists that had always been tiny and delicate, even before he’d known her. There were fresh marks, puffy and red. He knew enough about cuts to know that she’d just done this this morning.
She didn’t notice his eyes, was still laughing over the kettle corn sticking to her tongue and crunching satisfactorily between her teeth.
He looked at her then, solemnly, and she remembered the sting. She loved that sting. He caught the perverse bliss she was feeling behind her eyes. He caught everything. She lowered her eyes.
“It’s not that big a deal,” she murmured, pushing the bowl of kettle corn slowly away.
He smiled, sadly.
****
Just wanted to see what y'all thought. I know the sentence structure is a little choppy, I was kind of going for that childish mood. Criticisms are much appreciated.
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139,603 Literary Works • 672,615 Reviews
Hello there.
This was really good. I'm wishing that "unfinished", here means that there's more coming... Because I want to read more. I love the feel of the story and the flow. Yes it's a little bit choppy, but it goes well with the story, somehow. And I love how you detailed the characters without telling us too much, so we are attracted and it's keeping us hooked.
Keep writing!
-Other One
Actually I like it!
YOu have very strong description, you didn't tell the reader too much, and that is awesome! The only thing you should work on is your emotion through the piece. Ot was quite light, and airy, with a heavy background and a deeper meaning. The way you write leaves me wanting more, which I love.
It was very good.
~WickedWonder