tronks

The plot is very interesting, but from the start you tell over showing. The protag told us a new woman arrived, told us the woman was crazy, told us the ...

Hey! I'm diving right in! I edit by lessening length, and removing adverbs or exposition. I hope it helps. He stuffed the baggie of white powder back into his jacket ...

I noticed this was part of a bigger short story, so I'm not sure if I can say I grasp it at this point. In the beginning, it seems that ...

I'm jumping into review. The into starts off a little slow, but the rest is stronger because of how descriptive and action oriented it is. I enjoyed the depiction of ...

Hi! I'm jumping into review this. I loved how detailed your style is, I found each scene to be pretty clear visually. The dialogue was also strong. I don't know ...

Hey! This chapter is pretty interesting. You could add more detail overall, it would help the reader see everything more clearly. It flows smoothly and I like the more simplistic ...

This is an interesting start, but why does it end in the asterisks? Was there more attached to this before and I can't find it? Sentences are overall smooth and ...

I don't find this irritating to read. There's nothing irritating in reading about self-harm imo, and the rating for this is already set as having mature content. I think it ...

At first the lodestone just feels like the slow burn of a blister, but as it dissolves and seeps further into my skin, my lips feel like fire. (solid opening ...

Nice little opening blurb. At one point, I came dangerously close to solving my future, of taking the easy way out. (I didn't quite get this line, is it touched ...

Margarett woke to cold. Strange. (Instances like this should be fully completed thoughts, so 'it was strange' or 'it was strange to her') Grudgingly, she opened her eyes. (slight change) ...

Genki, like energetic? Fisherman had been up for a while now, packing the boats with supplies that they would need for their daily bounty. (slight rewording) The older ones were ...

I can see her move down and glance at the cuts around my face and my arms. (a bit smoother) When she looks away she gets this pained look in ...

Dani stood, watching as the large silver moon slipped over the horizon. It had been a long tiring day of running about and listening to Mrs. Davis talk on and ...

I really like the dialogue and writing style in general. The characters have a lot of personality and come off as strong, and the plot pulls the reader in. The ...