tgirly

Hi! First off, it's a bit strange when his older brother says that Xylia didn't say anything at all because if she didn't say anything, how'd they end up going ...

This is a startling piece. It has a very abstract feel to it, which almost makes me wonder if it would be better as a poem because as a short ...

There's a good emotional depth to this poem. You do a really lovely job of telling a story so simply and beautifully. My only complaint would be that in the ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! Starting off at the beginning, "Running through the woods quickly," This line seems a bit off to me; the quickly seems redundant since running isn't ...

Hello Messenger and Happy Review Day! You've got an amazing grip on dialogue in this chapter; there's a really solid difference between the way Jeric and Miles talk, so good ...

You've got a really good concept here, but I think the main thing you need to work on are balancing details. For example, you say the gender of the narrator, ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! And welcome to YWS! "Filled with affection" should be 'Filled with infection' I think. There's a lot of emotion in this poem, and you do ...

"The threads of life were thin, and could be severed even with the dullest of blades." I like this line; it has sort of a dramatic flourish about it. "'So, ...

Hello and Happy Review Day and Anniversary of the beginning of World War One! "the species that is seemingly scary," Maybe this is only me, but it seems scariness is ...

Hello and Happy Review Day! The first paragraph: I like the detail about picking the mushroom off the pizza, but the rest of the paragraph could be spruced up a ...

I didn't know twin horses were rare and, not that I doubted you, I fact checked it and it said the chances of twin horses is 1 in 100,000 (and ...

First off, I want to say that I love your chapter title; it's very punny. And, though I might miss a pun or two now and again, when I do ...

Moving from the prologue on to the first chapter, I noticed you like to use the word simple a lot. The queen's dress was simple, the assassin's words were simple, ...

First off, welcome to YWS! I hope it helps you grow as a writer. If you have any questions, feel free to ask me. I like that you open up ...

Continuing to part two... "Why am I doing this. He's just a kid . . " I didn't picture Kalan as a kid; you should make this clear earlier, especially ...