sylverdawn

Alright I've only read the first chapter but so far I love what I've seen. You've got a solid plot, an interesting and sinister villain, the requisite surly hero, and ...

Well done, you give just enough hints about a mysterious world of magic to draw the reader in. The dynamic between the girl and the man is well portrayed, but ...

Excellent beginning, I normally don't enjoy stories with religious overtones but this one was handled very well. I especially enjoyed the dynamics among the four friends. One thing that could ...

An excellent beginning, it really pulled me into the story. You should describe the people more though, the only one you really did describe was Puck. Maybe you could have ...

Brilliant, you start off with just the right amount of suspense. When people write these kinds of scenes the character often comes off as stupid, she doesn't just pissed off. ...

A solid beginning and an excellent draw. The beginning and end were a little sudden though, maybe you could start from just before she collapses. Get a better idea of ...

I like this piece, it has a lot of potential for a good story. There were a few things you could improve on though. One is that the story is ...

Very good prologue, it's definetly worth continueing. I like how you portray the vampire, the wings are a very nice touch. One thing is that there isn't enough information before ...

An exellent prologue. It pulls you in, and gets you hooked. I like the fact that Gullen made a mistake. Mages and mysterious organizations are normally to be all knowing ...

Hey I've only read the first half so far, will review the second half later. But so far this story seems pretty good, you give an interesting feel to Nendo ...

Nicely done, I especially like how you see everything from the perspective of the owl. Although I don't quite get how it can talk. Maybe you should have it speak ...

Nicely done I really like how he reacts when he comes back from the dead, many of the books I've read where that happens the guy just wakes up and ...

So the hero revives, nicely done. I like the setting for this part of the book, let me guess it's of between this life and the next. I don't really ...

Well done. It's slightly confusing, but in an interesting way. You made did his death very well, if a bit cliched. The hero always dies with a smile on his ...

This was really well done I like how you portrayed Kar and Orient. They seem like really interesting characters. You jump right in to the action of the story, it ...