silented1

I have one idea. The second stanza throws everything off. It seems unconnected to the first and the third stanzas. As well as it's last line being somewhat unconnected from ...

Your lips parted and dove Creating swirling melodies That wandered through the empty rooms This is the only new problem I saw. Parted and dove. That makes no sense. As ...

A Lion Without His Roar. Your soft voice is a mighty roar, Remember to rewrite this stanza to help fit the lack of those lines. Without it I'd be a ...

The Weeping Willow Alone I stand, On solid ground. Beneath my many branches, Lies a stagnant lake. This is out of place. It's seperated from what is below, you might ...

When I hear your soothing voice, I smile and feel rejoiced We don't know what rejoiced really feels like, it's a happy thing, I know, but it's an emotion, which ...

Well, I think your rhyme is forced. You should try rewriting this without the rhyme, see if that changes your ideas at all. You should also add some imagery, something ...

You have some redundency in the first stanza. Too many things happening to the heart to lead into what else happens with it. Keep one and the throwing and that ...

Twelve year olds, Empty bottles, Cigarette butts. Facades, Pressures, Expectations So easy just to fake relations. You should try to show this, even saying it's to easy to hug someone, ...

Elegant curls spiral down her back like an extra garment enrobing her Well, it took me a minute to realise that this is her hair. Which seems out of place ...

Scarlet petals leaked from her skin, dancing between torn pores to the cruel world above, a rose perfume strong enough for the sharks to smell in the ocean that roared ...

You probably don’t remember me, but I remember you. So far, these lines seem to be unneeded. You may want to take them out. I was your best friend; This ...

The smile falls from the stars Liquiod spilling from the rims of my teeth Sorry but there's no O in liquid. Why would you connect an idea that suggests beauty, ...

Hush my love. Why do you quiver? Why shake? Isn't quivering the same thing as shaking? So why ask the samething twice? It doesn't really advance your ideas at all, ...

I'd told you I care and I'd do what you want. I said I would live with you, Well, this is a bit shakey. Reason being is that, if you ...

Follow you with my eyes shut, Your shadow can’t see your face. What does this have to do with anything? I’m jealous of your pure heart, Jealous of your kind ...