sealegs

I agree with Matt. This story definitely has potential. I can't help but wonder, though, if you've made it too obvious. You give us one paragraph to guess where this ...

This is a very interesting peek into this man's life. I am very curious about him and definitely want to know more. I'm not sure if you want to extend ...

Hmm, let's see. This is a good start. The red is throughout which is needed. However, I think the red of him should be described in more ways. You have ...

Sometime's writing about the ugliest things is the hardest. And I agree with Navita...every single word must be placed precisely because this poem is short and every line counts. The ...

Hey! Welcome to YWS! About your poem. I can tell - like Forest - that a lot of emotion went into this poem. This is fantastic. Poems should be raw ...

Are you into musical theatre? If you are I can tell and if you aren't you should be! This seems like the ending of a song...so, where's the beginning. You ...

Good start to a winter poem, but I think it's due for some condensing! I love the line "Shadows caper madly in..." It's strong and intriguing, however it doesn't need ...

If you're going to write about a kid on an acid trip you've to do it full out. I love the line "It's carpet meeting linoleum" but Nate is right ...

I have to add something to what Hannah said. Be VERY careful when you are writing poetry. In my opinion, if you can't figure out where the punctuation goes then ...

I love the idea of this poem. I appreciate the repetition - it doesn't get old, I can track with it throughout the whole poem. However, the things that you're ...

The word Navita's looking for is a Nesting Doll (or Matroshka in Russian). In my opinion, you should steal this idea of a metaphor and run with it. Start afresh ...

From the very beginning to the very end you give us some controversy which is great. However your approach is a bit weak. Let's see. First off, accusing eyes would ...

I haven't read this from the beginning so I'm a bit confused as to what's happening. In other news, I'm pretty impressed at how detailed your descriptions of the cinematography ...

First off, don't tell us the poem sucked. Let us get a chance to make our own judgements -and I'm sure ours aren't as harsh as yours. With that said, ...

Agreed with Elinor. I want to see more of the ship. More of the tea. What kinds of tea are there? Can you make up your own? I think these ...