sargsauce

Cute. :) You've got a nice rhythm going and some smooth rhymes. Honestly, executed better than many serious poems around here. Just some suggestions: Last line: take out or change ...

You ruin the whole mood when you start off saying, "I'm horrible, don't laugh at me!" ;) Relax. There's nothing to laugh about. You've got a solid attempt here. But ...

kogarasumaro: If you don't even read a significant portion of the piece, don't comment. And if your comment is not helpful and, instead, a row of emoticons, don't bother. Retrodisco: ...

Honestly not exactly my cup of tea. There are many fantastic and fantastical images that stay in the mind, but there are so many roundabout detours to get there that ...

Please don't start your submissions with, "This sucks, haha, don't take it seriously." It ruins the whole mood. Overall, I like it! You describe the events eloquently, the pacing is ...

He couldn't walk if he had nothing to hold on to. If this was the case, he had to use his motorized chair. This can be said more eloquently. Or, ...

I have no idea what the first section is for. And because of it, I have no interest in the lengthy description of the concert, which goes on too long ...

I will make a prediction now: Provided there is decent participation, the winner of that contest will use dialogue in a very interesting, compelling manner that allows us to see ...

I agree with Pet Rock. Take the time to really examine your emotions. Because so far, what you have said could be found on a Hallmark greeting card (albeit in ...

It's incredibly refreshing to see something daring on here. First and foremost, allow me to thank you for that. There's no lovelorn-heartbreak-I'mnotgoodenoughforyou-you'renotgoodenoughforme-numbawkwa

They would say 70% chance. A seventy percent chance that the grass would turn a little greener, the cicadas would let the thunder speak louder, that the old nimbus of ...

Write us a story, or regale us with images, or explore and plumb the depths of emotions. That's what good poetry is about. Here, you have just taken a lot ...

Well, like awful fury, this piece is just exploding in any direction without a clear message. It's like watching a nouveau art film that just focuses on a million different ...

I agree, the second stanza is all actual descriptions that don't lend to the power of the theme. What do the immortal paintings care if there were Hispanic men in ...

Overall, it was a fairly interesting read. But there is potential for you to drive in the point deeper. We spend 3/5 of the story going, "Okay, she's leaving. Why? ...