Okay, so this isn't the best, but I haven't written poetry in AGES... This was sort of a warm up to get my brain moving again 
I'll be exstatic if anybody says they liked it, so yeah xD
The Sparrow's sweeting song turns to blood-curdling cries,
he had been a bird liberated, bound for the skies.
Without the understanding of freedom's dangers he flew,
and when Temptation saw, her blood-lust was kindled anew.
The charismatic beast creapt forth from her pit,
off with her tricks and charms to test the little bird's grit.
The sparrow drew closer, a happy mass of feather and wing,
curious to see what the beautiful beast to him may bring.
Temptation stepped forward in the form of a beautiful girl,
a crown of flowers upon her head, sun playing with each golden curl.
"Come to me sweet bird," she cooed in her sweet sing-song voice,
And with a captivating smile she helped make the Sparrow's choice.
Without a single question or doubt the bird followed the beast,
and in her pit, Temptaion would at last have her long-awaited feast.
The sparrow's song rose to a shriek for he had found out much too late,
that Temptation was spiralling with an untamable hate.
Her beauty was gone and with a snap of her heinous fangs,
she held the naive bird captive with shackles and chains.
Temptation was listening with sick fascination to his cries,
The sparrow's blood might as well as been wine in her decietful eyes.
She stroked his feathers with her devasting claw,
watching in satisfaction as his last breath the sparrow did draw.
The bird's frantic cries of fear and of pain finally ended,
this was the true fate that the detestable beast had intended.
The Sparrow's sweet song turns to blood-curdling cries,
He had been a bird liberated, bound for the skies.
Another victim has fallen in Temptation's twisted game,
and now she waits for another--for you--to do the same.
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125,008 Literary Works • 672,826 Reviews
The Sparrow's
sweetingsweet song turns to blood-curdling cries,he had been a bird liberated, bound for the skies.
Without the understanding of freedom's dangers he flew,
and when Temptation saw, her blood-lust was kindled anew.
The charismatic beast
creaptcrept forth from her pit,off with her tricks and charms to test the little bird's grit.
The sparrow drew closer, a happy mass of feather and wing,
curious to see what the beautiful beast to him may bring.
Temptation stepped forward in the form of a beautiful girl,
a crown of flowers upon her head, sun playing with each golden curl.
"Come to me sweet bird," she cooed in her sweet sing-song voice,
And with a captivating smile she helped make the Sparrow's choice.
Without a single question or doubt the bird followed the beast,
and in her pit,
Temptaiontemptation would at last have her long-awaited feast.The sparrow's song rose to a shriek for he had found out much too late,
that Temptation was spiralling with an untamable hate.
Her beauty was gone and with a snap of her heinous fangs,
she held the naive bird captive with shackles and chains.
Temptation was listening with sick fascination to his cries,
The sparrow's blood might as well as been wine in her
decietfuldeceitful eyes.She stroked his feathers with her
devastingdevastating claw,watching in satisfaction as his last breath the sparrow did draw.
The bird's frantic cries of fear and of pain finally ended,
this was the true fate that the detestable beast had intended.
The Sparrow's sweet song turns to blood-curdling cries,
He had been a bird liberated, bound for the skies.
Another victim has fallen in Temptation's twisted game,
and now she waits for another--for you--to do the same.
Love it isha *clicks like one-million times over* Besides those spelling mistakes I see nothing wrong with it.... and you told me this was going to suck! *loves* keep on writing!
Please don't start your submissions with, "This sucks, haha, don't take it seriously." It ruins the whole mood.
Overall, I like it! You describe the events eloquently, the pacing is good, and your word choice is mature.
Now let's look through line by line:
You capitalize the first "Sparrow" but never again. Be consistent.
Don't talk like Yoda just to get a rhyme to work. That is, don't throw the subject and verb at the end and all the rest of it at the beginning, like:
Don't let rhyming (which can also be called temptation) seize you in its claws and tell you what to do. You manipulate the rhyme.
However, speaking of rhyme, you forgot your rhyme scheme here:
Use of "sweet" twice in the line isn't attractive.
"Temptaion "
Go back and check your spelling.
I have no clue what the verb "spiralling" means here. (Or spiraling for that matter).
Get rid of the "for you." It turns the poem into a hokey ghost story.
I like the repetition of the lines:
But, like I said, overall, the theme was enjoyable and, for the most part, the rhythm and rhymes carried us nicely through the poem.